Vengeance
by Devil Boss
Summary: Starts in episode 1 of the series. A cold and vengeful Shinji arrives at Tokyo 3, intending to take revenge at his father. Chapter 4 up: SEELE and Keel get involved, and Asuka battles Samshel.
1. Refusal

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own any of the characters from the Evangelion universe, as they belong to Hideaki Anno, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and GAINAX studios.

**Author Notes:**

I decided to try the idea of a smarter and far more vengeful Shinji in this fic, and what could have happened, had Shinji been more insensitive and less brave than the one we know from the series.

This fic takes place in the first episode of the saga, with only a small prologue of the previous days. That said, lets get to the story.

**Refusal**

Commander Gendo Ikari of NERV was seated at his desk, inside NERV's headquarters. Sub Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki was standing at his side, reading a paper his former student and current commander had handed him. It was a letter, a letter that spoke of something that neither man had foreseen, a letter that represented something unexpected.

Shinji Ikari had refused to come to Tokyo 3, uncaring of what his father had said.

_I've finally come to the conclusion that there is nothing between us that is worth saving. After a few years, I realized that you are no longer my father. As such, I have no reason to go and see you. Whatever you want, you can forget about it. I'm fine by myself now, and I don't want to see you again. Don't try to contact me again._

_Ikari S._

"It seems like he no longer needs you, Ikari," Sub Commander Fuyutsuki said after reading the letter Gendo had shown him. Even in their situation, Fuyutsuki couldn't help but have an inner laugh at this. The almost almighty Commander Ikari had foreseen about every possible scenario, but not this one; the idea of a rebellious Shinji Ikari hadn't crossed his mind.

"All the better for the scenario," Gendo countered softly "If the Third Child refuses to come at my request, then send him an official letter from the UN. He shall be here for tomorrow"

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Seated in front of a table inside his room, Shinji Ikari was reading a new letter sent by his father. This time, though, the letter was official and not private, and it came from the United Nations organization itself.

_Ikari Shinji_

_You have been officially summoned to Tokyo 3 by the United Nations special agency NERV. You are to go to Tokyo 3 immediately. The necessary arrangements have been made, and you will find all the specifications to arrive to the city on the content of this letter. Under the Special Resolution of Human Rights Nº13254, failure to comply shall result in your forcible transport and six months of imprisonment or a fine of 2000000 yen._

_NERV Special Agency, Commander Gendo Ikari, Sub Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki._

A grunt of rage was heard in the room, as Shinji punched the table in front of him, muttering only one word.

"Bastard"

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"As of 12:30 p.m. today a state of emergency has been declared for the Kanto and Suga region of the Koto district." The female announcer continued to recite its warning over the Emergency Channel, giving advice to anyone who was left behind.

For Shinji Ikari, that only meant even more inconveniences. He didn't want to be here, and he was intending to leave as fast as possible. After all, the UN's summon was only that, a summon, but he didn't have to stay here if he didn't want to. And he was certainly going to leave right after seeing his father. There was no way he could keep him here, no matter any UN's orders. After all, he was in his full right to leave.

"We are sorry, but this line has been temporarily disconnected. We apologize for any inconvenience. Thank you and have a nice day" Shinji sighed and left the phone cabin. This was unexpected. He didn't know what to do now, as there seemed to be no way for him to contact his father. So he decided that the best thing he could do was to get to a shelter until the emergency passed and then meet his father and have a few words with him.

Shinji took a look around. The streets were empty. There was no one here besides him.

Shinji started to walk. He remembered the early years of his life, and how sad they had been. He remembered his desired to be cared about, to be recognized by his father as his son. But as he started to grow up, he stopped wishing for that. He knew that it was pointless, and he realized in surprise that he no longer cared about it. So he left his father behind him and started a life of his own, no longer caring about anything related to his past. He didn't even visit his mother's grave - even at his sensei's insistence - as he didn't want to be related to the Ikari family anymore. He had let go, and now he was free.

Or at least, had been free. Because then that damned letter had come. And when he refused it, another one had taken its place. And now he was here, about to face a life that he had long left behind.

But he didn't care for that. He was here to end things. To cut all bonds he may have had with his father once and for all. He didn't know why the sudden interest of the elder Ikari in him, and frankly he didn't care. He just hoped that this would be done with soon.

.

But of course, things weren't about to go smoothly. Because a pair of guided missiles flew above his head and sharply cut the corner of the next street, causing a whistle like sound in the air. A powerful blast was the testimony of the two missiles success in finding their target, while one Shinji Ikari knocked to the ground with a thud was merely a side effect of it.

Shinji looked up. And he kept staring in shock and fear.

There was a huge creature walking through the streets of the Tokyo 3. It was enormous, reaching about sixty meters in height, and with an appearance that seemed taken off from a Godzilla movie. While the creature had a human's basic structure - four limbs, head and torso - that's where all similarities to a person ended. It looked like a beast came from hell itself.

Several aircrafts and VTOLs surrounded the creature and opened fire, in what unfortunately was a futile attempt of killing the beast. The creature didn't take long in disposing of them, while the battle intensified.

Shinji ran. The hell with everything. He ran for his life - literally. But when he was about to cross the street, a blue Renault stopped in front of him. The driver was the woman he had seen in his dad's first destroyed letter.

"Sorry I'm late." She said with a smile and a wink. "Get in."

Shinji jumped into the car, swinging the door shut before he even landed in the seat.

"Lets go!" the woman said with a cheerful face that didn't quite add to the situation.

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After one hell of a ride, that actually included a nuclear blast and a batteries theft, Shinji and Misato entered NERV's Headquarters with Misato's car. Several heavy doors closed, all of them with NERV's insignia marked in the front.

"NERV?"

"Uh-hu," Misato answered cheerily "It's a secret organization controlled by the UN"

"And that's where my father works?" Shinji asked swiftly.

"Well, yeah," Misato said smiling "You do know what he does, don't you?"

"To tell you the truth, I don't," Shinji said "I never wanted to know, and I wouldn't be here if it weren't because he threatened me" Misato looked at Shinji in surprise at his words, thinking about how they would get him to pilot in future missions if he didn't even want to be here in the first place. But Shinji didn't see her alarmed look, as he was staring off into space, deep in thought "I hope we get this done soon, so I can get back. I really don't want to see him"

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Gendo Ikari was standing in the Command Centre inside NERV's Headquarters. He had seen the futile fight the JSSDF had put against the Angel, and how they attempt to destroy the creature with a N2 mine had failed as well. Now, he was waiting to be cleared to take command once and for all, and take matters into his own hands.

"You are now the commander of this operation," one of the JSSDF generals said after a phone talk with his superiors "We'll see how you deal with it"

"Ikari, considering our available weapons, I have to admit that we have no effective way to deal with the target," a fellow general spoke.

"Are you confident that you can defeat it?" the first general asked.

"That's the reason NERV exists," Ikari said calmly.

"We leave matters in your hands," the generals said before leaving the Command Centre.

Standing behind Gendo, Sub Commander Fuyutsuki wasn't as confidant as his former student. Hands clasped behind his back, Fuyutsuki turned to look at Gendo.

"The UN's forces can't do anything. What are you going to do?" the aging professor inquired.

"I'll activate Unit 01," Gendo responded, turning to face his second in command.

"Unit 01? But we don't have a pilot," Fuyutsuki said.

"A spare is being delivered as we speak," Gendo concluded.

"The boy didn't even want to come here," Fuyutsuki rebutted "Ikari, are you sure about this?"

"We have no choice," Gendo stated coldly "The Third Child will pilot Unit 01"

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"Misato," Shinji said after a tense silence "We are going to see my father, aren't we?"

"Of course," Misato said "Of course we are"

"He works in this place, doesn't he?" Shinji asked. Again, Misato watched him. His voice was even, and he wasn't showing any nervousness, but this was the second time he asked that question in a few minutes. Misato tried to figure out why, but she couldn't come up with any explanation.

Shinji turned his head to look at her, the silence having stretched too long after his question. Misato blinked and smiled again.

"That's right, Shinji," she said "By the way, did your dad send you an ID card?"

"Uhhh, yeah" Shinji said, suddenly uneasy "But I threw it to the garbage with his first letter. He didn't send me a new one after that"

"Oh," Misato said, not knowing what to do. After all, no one had told her very much about this - just go and pick up the Third Child, they had said - and she had done that "I suppose you ARE Shinji Ikari, aren't you?" she asked smiling again.

Shinji chuckled and nodded.

"Here, start reading this, okay?" Misato said while giving Shinji a folder with NERV's logo on the front.

Shinji gave the folder a look and he suddenly turned grim again. The folder read the words 'Welcome to NERV' and 'For your eyes only', which meant that its content was classified.

"NERV..." Shinji muttered "No, wait, Misato, I can't read this, it's classified" he said, returning the folder to Misato.

"That's why I am giving it to you, silly," Misato smiled "Don't worry, no one's gonna put charges against you just for reading that"

Shinji wasn't satisfied. Even though he seemed less on edge after hearing Misato's words, he suddenly turned more focused, his mind trying to get a reason for this. He looked at Misato worriedly.

"It's not that," Shinji said after a few seconds "What I mean to say is why are you giving me this? I don't want to work here or anything; don't give me something that could relate me to this place. I don't want to be here any longer than after meeting my father"

Again, Misato was left speechless. This kid seemed intent on refusing them - how in hell would they convince him to stay in the future? - Misato supposed that he would get used to the idea after a while. Some training sessions and he would be okay.

At least, she thought so. But here and now, that didn't matter all that much. She knew that it wasn't her place to explain things to Shinji right now - that would probably be the commander's task - so she couldn't just go and tell him that he would need to read the folder without giving away some of their intentions. And Shinji's mind was sharp, she realized now. It wouldn't take long for him to figure out things if she wasn't careful. So she decided upon the next best course of action - switching topics.

"Sounds like you don't get along with your dad," Misato said thoughtfully "You sound just like me"

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked "You don't get along with my dad or yours?"

But his question was soon forgotten, as the train they were taking suddenly gave view to a huge subterranean dome. Shinji said nothing, but his eyes widened in surprise. City buildings hung from the ceiling, as if the city were turned upside down. There was a magnificent lake at the bottom, with a huge pyramid beside it. It was a truly impressive sight to watch, especially for someone who wasn't used to such modern cities as Tokyo 3.

"This is the Geo Front," Misato answered the unasked question "Our secret underground base, NERV's central. This city is the key to rebuilding our world. A fortress for all mankind"

Shinji stared in awe for some seconds before regaining his grim face. He turned to Misato again.

"And the place where my father works, right?" He asked for the third time "That's why I'm here, isn't it? To meet him?"

Misato turned to look at Shinji, and this time she found his eyes boring wholes in hers. But she didn't loose her cool and answered calmly.

"Yes, Shinji," Misato said "I can tell you that your father spends a lot of time down here, you know. Don't worry, you'll see him soon"

Shinji seemed to calm down a bit, if calming down was the right way to put it. He turned to look through the window again, but his eyes didn't loose one bit of their sharpness. He wasn't nervous, but it was clear that something was off for him to get the picture right now.

"If I'm here just to meet my dad, then why did he send a Captain to get me? Why did you give me that folder, and why do you keep showing and telling me things that I shouldn't know?"

Misato felt like cursing her luck. Those were precisely all the questions she couldn't respond right now, and that damned kid had just asked them in line. And now it was obvious to her that he wouldn't be taken off guard with another topic, seeing that even the sight of the Geo Front hadn't had that effect. Under other circumstances, Shinji would have been one hell of an interrogator. And right now she felt like the prisoner whose being interrogated.

Shinji was looking straight at her eyes now, waiting for her to answer. Misato realized that there was little she could do at the time, so she decided to say all what she could right now.

"Shinji, my job is to get you to him, nothing else" Misato said, feeling unease but keeping a cool face "That's all I can tell you right now, I'm afraid"

And now she could finally see past the calm façade the boy was putting, and she saw him seething in rage. Shinji turned to look through the car's windows again, his voice now gaining an edge of cold fury that made it deeper, and somehow darker.

"So, I was right," Shinji muttered loud enough to be heard by Misato "And the bastard dragged me here for some interest after all; and you know what that is and you still won't tell me. Well, I don't care about what he wants. He threatened me to come here and I came. After I see him, I'll leave"

Misato said nothing-

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"Ugh, what on Earth...?" Misato sighed "Isn't this the right way?"

The sight of Misato holding a map upside down would have been funny to Shinji if it wasn't for the circumstances. Still, he was getting tired of wandering around NERV's huge base in the company of an obviously lost Misato. Shinji gave Misato a bored look.

"I'm just not used to this place," Misato continued "Mmmm, I wonder where Ritsuko is"

"We passed this spot twice already," Shinji informed with a sigh, looking at Misato. The captain gave him a death glare.

"Well, don't worry about it," Misato said, switching to her cheerful face in an instant "I will call my good friend Ritsuko to get us out of here"

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The doors of the elevator Misato and Shinji were in opened, revealing a blonde woman wearing a swimsuit and sporting a frown in her face. Misato blinked and backed out a few steps, letting the blonde walk in.

"Hi there, Ritsuko," Misato tried to say cheerily, but the effect was lost with her subtle stuttering.

"Why are you wasting my time, Captain?" Ritsuko asked, her frown never leaving her face "Don't you know we are short on time and manpower?"

"Ehh, sorry," Misato said offering an embarrassed smile.

Ritsuko sighed and then turned to look at Shinji, which was looking at both women with a very serious face.

"So, this is the boy?" Ritsuko said, turning to Misato again. Shinji's eyes turned sharply at Misato, waiting for her to answer.

"Right," Misato said, missing the look Shinji was directing at her "According to the Marduk report, he is the Third Child"

"Pleased to meet you" Ritsuko said to the young boy. But Shinji only gave her a look and nodded, looking at her straight at the eye. Then, he turned to Misato "What does Third Child mean? What is the Marduk report?"

Misato said nothing, as it was Ritsuko the one that answered.

"Third Child is just a codename for you," she said, getting a piercing look from the young man "Don't worry, you'll get used to it"

"I doubt it," Shinji answered very coldly "I have said very clearly that I won't work for my father. So you can drop that codename of yours"

Misato turned to Ritsuko.

"I'm afraid he is just like his father," she sighed "The gruff and unfriendly part that is"

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A speaker was heard on the lift Misato, Ritsuko and Shinji were taking. The female voice was announcing a Level One Alert placed on Headquarters.

"There we go," Misato said.

"It sounds pretty serious," Ritsuko commented.

"So, how's Unit 01 coming?" Misato asked. Shinji was standing beside her, but he said nothing, as he actually didn't understand what they were talking about.

"It's currently undergoing refrigeration, using the B-type equipment," Ritsuko answered the Captain.

"Does it really work?" Misato asked again "It has never worked before, has it?"

"The possibility of activation is of 0,0000000001%," Ritsuko said "Around here, we just call it the 0-9 system"

"Does that mean, it doesn't work?" Misato inquired.

"Don't be insulting. It's 0-9, as in Oni, a Japanese Devil"

"Well, anyway, I suppose it's a little too late to say 'sorry, it doesn't work"

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There was a little trip for the trio after the elevator ride. Shinji had kept quiet during the road, taking in his surroundings and trying to get as much information as he could out of the two older women's talk. But he understood little of what they said.

They entered a dark room. And then the door behind them closed, leaving them in complete darkness.

"Misato? Akagi?" Shinji asked, unable to distinguish anything in the dark "Are you there? What's happening?"

The lights went on. And they revealed the sight of an impressive monster, right in front of Shinji's eyes.

"Ah!" Shinji let out a yelp, startled by the demonic face of the creature in front of him "It's a face. A giant robot"

Ritsuko gave Shinji a sideway glance before speaking.

"This is man's ultimate fighting machine. This is the synthetic life form known as Evangelion Unit 01. Built here in secret, it is mankind's last hope"

Shinji stared in awe and a little fear at the creature in front of him. But his voice remained very cold.

"So, this is my father's work, isn't it?"

"Correct," a loud voice thundered in the grand cage. Shinji raised his eyes and saw the face of the speaker.

Commander Gendo Ikari was standing tall, in a room above the Evangelion, looking straight at him.

"It's been a while," Gendo said.

Shinji regarded him with barely suppressed rage.

"Not long enough," he spoke quietly after a brief silence "You sent for me. What do you want?"

Gendo smirked.

"We are moving out"

"Moving out!?" Misato shouted "But Unit 00 is still in cryostasis! Wait a minute! You're going to use Unit 01!?"

"There's no other way," Ritsuko said, face unmoving.

"Wait! Rei can't do it, can she!?" Misato gave Shinji a very brief look before turning to Ritsuko again "We don't have a pilot!"

Ritsuko was impassive. She spoke in a very level tone.

"We just received one," the doctor said. Then, she turned to a very stiff Shinji "Shinji Ikari, you will pilot it"

Anything Shinji could have said was lost as Misato beat him to it.

"But even Rei Ayanami took seven months to synchronize with Unit 00. It's impossible for him to do it! He just arrived here!"

"He just has to sit in the sit," Ritsuko countered, paying no heed to the raging Shinji standing at her side "We don't expect more than that. Defeating that Angel is our top priority. If we have someone who has a chance of synchronizing with the EVA, then we've got to use it. You do understand, don't you, Captain Katsuragi?"

Misato fell silent before finally nodding. Ritsuko turned to look at Shinji. The boy was keeping his head low, but his left hand kept clenching and unclenching.

"So, this is why you sent for me, then," Shinji hissed.

"Now you know why," Gendo confirmed.

"So, you want me to take this thing, and go out there and fight?"

The answer didn't take long.

"Correct"

"And you actually think that I will do this for you?" Shinji snapped, his voice suddenly louder and stronger that anyone present would have given the young man credit for.

"You are the only one who can," Gendo countered "You have to do it"

"No, I can't" Shinji retorted, duelling with his father in coldness. But unlike Gendo's, Shinji's words were tainted by fury "I never saw this thing before. And even if it were like that, you really think that I would come here and do your bidding just like this, you bastards!? I said that I won't work for you!"

The air was filled with tension, as two cold, vengeful mans stared at each other, fighting with their words, and their minds.

"If you are going to do it, then do it now," Gendo said, his voice gaining an edge after his son's challenge of his orders "If not, then leave!"

Shinji raised his head and gave his father a look that spoke leagues about what was he thinking right then.

"So be it," Shinji hissed "Of course I'll leave. I never wanted to be here in the first place anyway. Fight your own battles, Ikari. Don't try to burden me with them"

A loud explosion thundered on the surface, making the entire Geo Front tremble. But everyone was very still at Shinji's utter defiance. No one had expected his refusal. Misato bent over to be on Shinji's level, and stared right into his eyes.

"Shinji, you musn't run away," Misato said clearly, her eyes shining "You must confront your father, and above that you must confront yourself"

Shinji gave Misato the coldest look she had ever seen in her entire life. It actually surpassed those of his father.

"I am. I'll never do anything that man asks me. I'll never do a thing you ask me. You have lied to me; you have brought me here against my will. You knew this would happen and still you said nothing until now. Did you really think that I would fight for you?" even if Shinji's voice was calm, he was still unable to control himself from shaking with rage.

There wasn't much else to do after such a statement of utter hatred like that. Misato, Ritsuko and all the technicians that were in the room were stunned at Shinji's words. He was willing to throw mankind to hell just to have his revenge at his father. He was fighting, but not the Angel. To Shinji, the enemy was NERV.

Gendo stood silent for an instant, thinking of how to make his son pilot. But there were no words that he could come up with to convince or force him, as Shinji saw him as the enemy to be fought, instead of the Angel.

But Gendo wasn't commander of NERV just for naught. He was a very resourceful man. If he couldn't convince Shinji by himself, then he would make sure someone else did.

"Fuyutsuki," Gendo said, turning to watch a monitor that displayed his second in command.

"Yes, sir?"

"Wake up Rei"

"Can we use her?" Fuyutsuki inquired in surprise.

"She's not dead yet," the commander's voice was colder than ever.

"Understood"

Fuyutsuki disappeared from the screens, and Gendo turned to speak with his only available pilot while regarding his vengeful son with cold eyes.

"Rei," Gendo said simply.

"Yes" came the response.

"Our spare is unusable. You'll have to do it again"

"Yes"

The exchange was finished with that. Neither the commander nor the pilot needed anything else to understand each other, as theirs was a relationship of complete control on one part and complete obedience on the other.

There was silence in the cage for a few seconds. Misato, Ritsuko and Commander Ikari watched Shinji, who looked at them in turn. It was obvious that the young man didn't feel diminished at all after his refusal, as if he wasn't concerned about what was happening. Yet, Misato felt like she could see the anger in his eyes if she looked closely, the anger Shinji felt at being used by the man he hated the most.

"Reconfigure Unit 01's systems for Rei! Restart!" Ritsuko ordered to the personnel. Both Misato and she turned their backs on Shinji, leaving him in front of the EVA.

Shinji didn't stay facing Unit 01, though. He simply walked away as well. Of course, it wasn't like he could actually leave the place right now, considering that Misato herself had actually gotten lost while in the base, so he figured that the best thing to do right now would be to wait for someone to guide him out of this hole. So, acting on that principle, he followed Misato and went to the side of the cage, turning his back on the EVA.

The sound of footsteps caught Shinji's attention, just in time for him to see two nurses and a doctor bring a stretcher into the cage and in front of the EVA. There was a blue haired girl lying on the stretcher, her right eye and arm covered in bandages. Yet her face remained completely still, as if she didn't feel any concern or fear about the current dilemma NERV was in.

Nevertheless, the girl started to whimper in pain as soon as she tried to sit up.

Shinji couldn't believe that NERV was so desperate that they would actually make that girl pilot the EVA. It was simply insane, as it was obvious that she wouldn't be able to keep conscious for long. But then, he reasoned that he actually didn't have that much of a better chance. He had no idea of what an Evangelion truly was, less how to pilot one. Hell, not only he was untrained, he actually had plenty of reasons for not doing it, his refusal of his father's wishes being one of them. So, he simply watched the girl just like everyone else. After all, he wasn't a part of NERV, he didn't want to be a part of NERV, and this wasn't his fight.

Shinji's musings were interrupted as the entire Geo Front started to tremble, feeling the effect of the Angels incredibly powerful blast. The explosion was so powerful that it shook the entire EVA cage, making the girl fall from the stretcher. Some lights fell from the ceiling and clashed with the ground near her - had the girl been a few feet to her left and she would have been crushed.

No one moved for an instant. Shinji and Misato stood slowly, while on the other side of the cage Ritsuko took a hold of her clipboard and stood as well. But the girl in the stretcher didn't. She couldn't even sit without moaning in pain.

Some doctors rushed to her side and tried to help her. Shinji watched as they futilely tried to make her stand up.

"If you don't pilot, the First Child will take your place and fight for you, even in her condition," Gendo said calmly, his eyes boring holes in his son's. But he realized that he had spoken too soon, as his child's hatred for him was still to great to be ignored.

"You are mistaken," Shinji countered. His voice was no longer calm, as he was disgusted by what he was seeing. Yet, even if he had lost his composure, he was still talking with rage "Piloting that monster of yours is not my place, nor that girl will do it for me. She's doing it for herself. She chose to pilot. And I choose not to"

Silence filled the cage again, as the doctors tried to reanimate the injured girl. But aside from that, everyone present was attending to the duel between father and son, both even in coldness.

"You take the coward's way out, then. I'm disappointed" Gendo smirked. He had hoped that Shinji would take pity in Rei's condition and pilot, but he had underestimated his son's resolve. But even if he was still reluctant, the presence of Rei would shame him, and Gendo only needed to probe a little deeper in his child's ego to coerce him.

"Whether I disappointed you or not is of no consequence," Shinji countered. Nearby, Ritsuko flinched - that was the same expression Gendo used to employ. But Shinji wasn't done "You will always be a bigger coward than me. You ran away from your family"

Tension filled the air as Gendo stood silent for some time. No one dared to speak, as this was the first time they saw the commander speechless. But the moment was lost as Rei let out a low whimper that the silent amplified as if she had shouted.

"Shinji, listen to me," Misato said, seeing that Gendo was out of words by the time. In reality, the Commander was starting to lose his temper, his son's refusal and insolence starting to get to him. Heedless to the commander's dilemma, Misato approached Shinji "There is only three people in the world that can pilot an EVA. You and Rei there are the only available ones for us at the time. But unlike you, Rei has embraced her destiny and decided to pilot, and to fight. You mustn't run away from what you are Shinji, and whether you like it or not you are a pilot. So please, get inside EVA and fight"

"No Misato, I'm not a pilot," Shinji said coldly, his voice rising in anger at each second passing "I don't know how you came to the conclusion that I am, but I'm not. I don't care about any destiny you may name. I don't give a damn about destiny, and to me, this is only a waste of time. I have already said that I won't do this, so stop trying to coerce me! I won't work for you! I won't pilot that thing!"

"How can you turn away from your duty!?" Misato said, having none of it "You are the only one who can do this! You have to fight, is your responsibility, your destiny!"

"And what makes you think that this is my duty!?" Shinji shouted "I have refused, dammit! If I refuse, then it's not my duty, so don't try to burden me with it!"

In front of Unit 01, Rei finally lost consciousness. The doctors raised their head to meet their commander's eyes, and one of them shook his head. And Gendo - that was starting to get used to the idea that Rei would end up piloting - knew that he was lost. Everything now was up to his unreasonable child, which actually seemed to take pleasure in defying him. For the first time in years, Gendo was out of options. Still, he would try to the last second, even if he had to engage in an argument with Shinji in the middle of an Angel attack. After all, it wasn't as they could do anything else, short of self destructing the entire Geo Front, and he couldn't let that happen.

"You refuse the only hope mankind has of being saved," the Commander said, expecting Shinji to see reason "With your petty reasoning and childlike attitude, you send the entire human race to its doom"

But Shinji was fed up with him, and swiftly countered with a hard blow.

"Ikari, you are the only responsible for that. Aren't YOU the Commander? Isn't this YOUR duty? Don't try to blame me for your own pathetic failures!"

At those words, all present people actually turned to look at Gendo, as if they were in fact according to Shinji in that regard. Gendo tried to come up with an answer to that, but he found that he was incapable of doing so. And right now, both father and son lost in the heat of the argument, Shinji was starting to gain an edge, throwing back at him all his failures as commander. And so, for the first time since the creation of NERV, Gendo Ikari lost his temper and shouted.

"This is what you were born to do! This was the will of your mother!"

But the response was impossibly fast, as Shinji hesitated only for a brief moment before shouting with more hatred than ever before.

"Then...Then you knew about this! Mother died ten years ago! You knew that I was capable of piloting this thing since I was a little child and you still didn't tell me until today!" Shinji's voice was rising more and more, as the young man realized the farse that his life had been "What kind of Commander are you?! You have been playing with me for my entire life!"

Shinji's words were met with stony silence. For Gendo Ikari had actually been beaten at his own game, his son having realized a very important fact, something he could not counter. But Shinji wasn't done.

"Are you that much of an incapable leader?! How in hell did you manage to become Commander?! You knew about this, and still you waited until today!" Shinji stopped, gasping for air after his tirade. But that second of silence actually gave him an edge, as he still came up with more reasons for his hatred of NERV and the Ikari family. He continued in a cold, dead tone "I don't care at all about the will of my mother. I don't have a mother, as I don't have a father either. I don't care if she wanted me to pilot this thing. Didn't she think about what would I want? Or was she too goddamm busy creating this beast and forgetting about her son!?" Again, no one talked. Shinji raised his head and looked at Gendo straight at the eye "Thank you. You just gave me the ultimate reason for not doing this. I'll never lift a finger to help you. I don't care if I die. That's better than working for you"

"Enough of this! Third Child, you are ordered to pilot the Evangelion and fight the Angel!" Gendo shouted in rage. He could not tolerate Shinji's defiance of Yui's wishes, and right now he no longer cared to keep his cool.

"If you try to force me, Ikari... I will join the Angel and smash you. You'll have only increased the problem"

Misato, Ritsuko and almost every technician in the cage actually wanted to jump on Shinji and tear him apart at the sound of his terrible ultimatum, as no one doubted that he would actually do it. Misato faced Shinji with fury in her eyes.

"Would you then send the entire human race to oblivion out of your own personal vengeance?!"

But Shinji, having made his final decision, regarded her with calmness. Even in the middle of the hell they were in, he had actually made peace with himself, and closed the chapter of his life that related him to his father and mother. He was free from his old hatred. So, he simply countered as if they were in a peaceful exchange taking place in dinner.

"No, Misato, you are mistaken. I'm not sending anyone to their deaths. You did. This is truly Your duty. You have accepted to do this, you have taken this responsibility out of your own free will, and you failed. I'm not responsible for killing you... but I won't save you either"

And then everyone realized that there was no way out of this, and that they had failed. They had put all their hopes in an unknown factor, and they had found that said factor was cold and vengeful. Instead of a saviour, they had found a monster. And now it was too late to try anything, as the monster had refused every attempt they had made, whether it was the use of reason or the use of force.

"Very well," Misato said. She took out her cell phone and called for her assistant "Hyouga, call the JSSDF and tell them that NERV is unable to deal with the problem. Tell them to destroy the Angel at all cost, no matter what happen to us. I don't care if they have to nuke the entire base, as long as the Angel dies too. Katsuragi out"

Misato threw one last look of contempt at Shinji before leaving, intending to get to the Command Centre. Ritsuko followed her. The technicians simply stared, as they had nothing to do now. Evangelion was useless. NERV had failed.

Shinji was oblivious to all of them. He didn't care at all about them, the people that had deceived him, the people that had used him. He had a smile in his lips instead. He was proud to say that he had made his father stumble. He had hit at the only place that could hurt him - his plans, and his desires - and in doing so, he was retaliating for all the dark deeds Gendo had committed. He was completely free now; free of other people's manipulations, free of the Ikari legacy, and above all free of his old hatred. He had his revenge.

**Author notes 2:**

I've got the idea for this fic as I watched the first episode again. Come to think about it, it really takes some courage to do what Shinji does then. This fic is my idea of what could have happened if Shinji were less brave and more vengeful.

C'mon, seriously, if you are dragged by force in the middle of that hell, then you learn that you are expected to help the people that kidnapped you - and that they actually won't give you much of a choice in the matter -, then you realize that even your mother was intending to use you for this, and that about everyone knew since you were a child and they have been playing with you for your entire life, would you actually jump at the chance of fighting for them? I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't. I know I would be pissed. And it would only take a proud, vengeful guy to send everyone to hell after that (And perhaps a less brave man, as not everyone has what it takes to get in Unit 01 at the first sight you get of it)

Of course, the Shinji of this fic is completely OCC, as he no longer needs his father's nor anyone else's approval, and because he is insensitive enough to let Rei and everyone die out of his own anger.

But I don't think that that could be considered that extreme when you think about the circumstances. Going out there and risking your life in what is an almost (if not completely) suicide mission for the people that played with your for years, and actually having the courage to fight what it's obviously an impossible battle; that isn't something that you or almost anyone else would do willingly. In my personal experience, an extreme situation can bring either the best or the worst qualities of a person. If someone's pushed to the limit, then he can respond with bravery, rage, compassion and many other emotions. In this fic, it was rage and desire of revenge.

In any case, even though the Shinji of this fic is an arrogant bastard, he is also quite right in many of the issues he poses. After all, Gendo really didn't have that much of a reason for not calling him a little earlier to train him a bit in his EVA. And in the end, it's NERV's responsibility what happens in the war against the Angels. If they can't do better than bring an untrained and unwillingly guy and hope for a miracle to happen, then it is certainly a huge failure from their part at the performing of their duties.

As for the constant questioning Shinji does at Misato while they arrive at the Geo Front, is based on the point that Shinji actually believed that he was only going to see his father and nothing else. But during the ride with Misato he slowly realizes that there is something else than that, and something big. And then he gets a little scared (who wouldn't) and he reminds himself that he will never do a thing for his father. That leads to the conclusion of the story, and his final absolute refusal.

Of course, this fic is based on the perspective of this OCC Shinji Ikari, that sees NERV in the worst light possible, thinking the worst of every situation NERV's involved in. That means that he sees everything as black, even though in reality many of the things that happen around the series are majorly gray from an ethics point of view (At least, that's the author's opinion)

One little thing: Shinji doesn't see Rei standing in the streets this time, as he refuses NERV and any possible contact with them. As such, Rei doesn't appear for him, as she will never get to know him, even if they survive the battle with Sachiel.

One last detail: as far as the author's knowledge reaches, Yui Ikari's agenda is unknown. It's impossible to tell what she wanted for Shinji when she talked about the bright future she had planned for him. She was involved in the Human Instrumentality Project just like Gendo, so even if she didn't agree with SEELE's scenario, it is feasible that she did want to start Third Impact in some way. For the sake of this fic's plot, Yui's agenda was taken a little more darkly, as if she wanted Shinji to be a pilot from the very beginning, thinking that he would be a saviour of sorts (To which this fic's Shinji counters by saying that he didn't actually want that, something that I think concurs with the series' Shinji, who never wanted to be a pilot)

I didn't want to give this fic an absolute enclosure after Shinji's refusal, as I am still pondering about writing some chapters about that – it's unlikely that I will, though. I had thought of a few different conclusions to this story, one of them featuring a Shinji forced in the entry plug and taking out his synch clips, which would have led to Unit 01's destruction, as the EVA wouldn't have been able to synch with the pilot and therefore wouldn't have gone berserk. The other ending featured Rei piloting the Unit and dying in the process.

.

But enough of my ramblings. As always, feedback will be appreciated.


	2. Defiance

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own any of the characters from the Evangelion universe, as they belong to Hideaki Anno, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and GAINAX studios.

**Author Notes:**

First of all, I really want to thank all of you that reviewed the first chapter of this fic. It really means a lot to me to see that you like this story so much, as it encourages me to keep writing. It was due to your reviews that I decided to expand this fic – that was originally planned as a One Shot – and start a new, long story with it. So, thanks a lot to TheShrike, SithKnight-Galen, colin, Nifutar of the Hill People, CB93, Urdarum, StraightedgeShadow, LoPe21, Fanf1cfan, bissek, Jamez, azt1264, Vilkath, Kitsune and Traitor of all Traitors.

I was surprised when I saw that many of you had the same ideas I had when thinking about what comes next if Shinji refuses to pilot. Not only that, some of you actually hit the nail on the spot as to what would happen even farther in the story. Fanf1cfan, Jamez, azt1264 and Vilkath had almost the same ideas I do, to an incredible degree and detail. Not only that, but many of you gave me plenty of ideas as to how to continue this story now.

I would also like to make a special mention to Greydon Creed. Not only he wrote one very important scene that will come in future chapters, but he also helped me a lot with the timing of this chapter in the Evangelion timeline and gave me plenty of ideas that I used and intend to use in the future as well. The credit for this chapter is his' as well.

This chapter turned out to be far larger than what I had in mind. I have to tell you, though, that the original idea was to write about many things that were left out, like the attack of the Fourth Angel and NERV's process of selection of new pilots. But if I had included that as well, this chapter would have been simply huge, far larger than what I want. So that stuff will go to chapter three.

Even if this was planned as a one shot, I still had some vague ideas as to how to continue it. So, lets do it and we'll see where that leads us.

As always, reviews will be greatly appreciated.

**Defiance**

**NERV Third Branch headquarters**

**Berlin, Germany**

**July 2015**

"Mein Gott..." someone muttered in despair.

"Aren't they going to do anything!?" a very loud voice came from a seething redheaded teenage girl.

A group of about twenty people was watching a big screen that was displaying a huge creature breaking havoc in the middle of a darkened city.

Sachiel was unleashed. And NERV hadn't been able to respond. Tokyo 3 was about to be destroyed.

"The Geo Front is there! How can NERV stand by and watch the Angel destroy everything!?"

Asuka Langley Soryu was a proud person. She had been shaped into one, raised to do only one thing: pilot the Evangelion. Given that fact, it had been very hard for her to learn about the Third Angel's invasion of Tokyo 3 while she was still in Berlin. She had been hurriedly called by Kaji just a few hours ago to watch the battle against the attacker, seeing the events taking place in Tokyo 3 trough a satellite signal received only by NERV. That in itself was plain wrong to her; she shouldn't be watching the battle, she should be fighting it! It was what she was born to do! And yet here she was right now, helplessly seeing how the Third Angel levelled Tokyo 3 without so much as a minor setback.

"I've heard the First Child was injured a few weeks ago," one of the closest technicians answered Asuka's question, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"But they said they found the Third Child already!" another technician chimed, as unbelieving as Asuka about NERV's total unresponsiveness at the Angel's attack.

In the screens, Sachiel blasted the streets and several buildings with a powerful beam that came out of his eyes. The resulting sight was horrifying, as the ground the Angel was standing over was cracked, the armour NERV had placed over the Geo Front weakening; and the buildings nearby reduced to little more than debris.

"Verdammt, they have two EVAs there! Why didn't they call for me if they were short on pilots!?" Asuka shouted in utter rage. It had been bad to realize that she wouldn't fight the first battle against the Angels in history; to realize that actually no one would was plain torture to her.

Just like the seething Asuka, Ryouji Kaji was very surprised as well. He simply was better at hiding it. But all things considered, he was wondering what the hell had happened with Commander Ikari, as that man always had an ace in the hole. Kaji liked to keep himself informed; not only was that necessary for his job, but because it helped him to understand things better, to comprehend what was going on in the higher ups minds. It had been under that principle that he had snuck in some of Tokyo 3's MAGI files - partly using his own NERV clearance, and partly using his own hacking skills - and had learned about Gendo's son, Shinji Ikari. He had been surprised when he learned that the boy had been chosen as the Third Child at age four, but only now finally brought to NERV to begin training in the Evangelion. That in itself constituted something worthy of further investigation. As of now, he realized that Commander Ikari had probably intended to send the boy to fight the Third Angel, not wanting to send the injured First Child into battle at the time. That fitted the man; he was cold enough to call his son and send him to a suicide battle to further his plans. But if that was the case, what was happening now?

Where was EVA Unit 01? Why didn't NERV fight back?

Kaji realized something. Ikari's plans had failed.

He would be laughing his head off, had the situation been less dire.

Sachiel was busying himself with tearing Tokyo 3 apart was if the city were made of butter. The screens showed how the Third Angel concentrated and shot a new immensely powerful beam that destroyed entire blocks with ease.

"They really aren't going to do anything," a man said, finally realizing the depth of what was happening on screen "They have failed. NERV... NERV has failed"

"No, dammit! No!" Asuka said, stomping her feet in rage "It can't end like this! They can't do this, it just can't happen! They have me, why didn't they call for me!?"

"What's that?"

The room was filled with a tense silence for the first time. No one dared to say anything. As all of them understood in an instant what was going to happen now.

Several missiles appeared on screen. Tokyo 3 was deathly calm. The Angel looked upwards.

And the screen was bathed in blinding light.

"Gott in Himmel..."

"They sacrificed the city..."

The last statement proved very accurate a few seconds later. As the screen regained some clarity, Asuka, Kaji and the technicians could see what was left of the Angel, and the place it had been occupying.

Little more than a crater, with steam and collapsed building all over the place.

Tokyo 3 was dead. The Angel wars had started with a loss.

* * *

**One Week later**

**August 2015**

**NERV Central Base, the Geo Front**

**Hakkone region**

"I believe he will be court martialed today" Ritsuko said to Misato.

"That is if the higher ups don't get him before that," Misato mused, deep in thought.

Both women were walking trough the empty corridors of the Geo Front. Out in the surface, the sun was shining clearly in what was quickly becoming a day that certainly didn't fit the mood the entire base was in.

One week prior, one Shinji Ikari had refused NERV and Evangelion, which had resulted in NERV's utter failure against the Third Angel and ultimately the near absolute destruction of the city of Tokyo 3.

After NERV reported their incapability of dealing with the enemy, the generals of the JSSDF had determined that the city was expendable if they were to destroy the target, and finally resolved to use their most powerful arsenal.

And so eleven N2 mines and one nuclear bomb had fallen over the Angel, finishing it off completely, but taking 60% of Tokyo 3 and a few thousand of lives along with it. And now the entire United Nations organization was out for the blood of the responsible, Commander Ikari being the first on the line due to his absolute incompetence.

"Do you think NERV will be disbanded?" Misato asked her friend, who turned to look at her with a pensive look in her face.

"NERV is well connected to far too many powerful people to disband just like that," Ritsuko said, her eyes gaining an off look "And don't forget that there are more Angels to come. Just because NERV failed in its first sortie doesn't have to mean that we will always fail. And they need someone to stand up to the Angels. From tomorrow on, we will be the only ones to be able to do such a thing"

"You mean Asuka's arrival," Misato inquired, receiving a nod for an answer. After the disaster the Third Angel had caused, Commander Ikari's first order - and possibly the last one, as he had been imprisoned soon thereafter - had been to summon the Second Child to Japan as fast as possible "I still find hard to believe that the UN actually let us keep one more EVA after the mess the Third Angel caused"

Ritsuko said nothing, as she knew that in the end, the ones pulling the strings were the members of SEELE, and that they would want Unit 02 ready to stand the trials against the remaining Angels. And if SEELE wanted the EVA in Japan, the UN would systematically want the same thing.

"Still, I don't think that they'll let us keep our old independence when it comes down to the making of decisions here," Misato went on "And above all they certainly won't agree with us having only one capable pilot, not after last week"

Both women turned silent after Misato's words. Last week had been the most humiliating experience in their lives, when they had trusted the fate of everyone on the hands of the wrong person.

"If NERV needs pilots, NERV will get them," Ritsuko said cryptically "The Marduk Institute is already looking for the Fourth Child. I believe they will find him or her soon"

"And what about the Third Child?" Misato dared to ask after a tense pause. Among NERV, Shinji Ikari's name was nothing short of taboo, as if no one dared to mention the young man. Misato had even heard some technicians talk about the boy as if he was some sort of monster. They actually feared him.

After Shinji's words of hatred, and after seeing how easily he destroyed his father - by far the coldest man Misato had ever seen - in an argument, the Captain could understand why. Shinji Ikari was like a beast that no one dared to face in his confinement.

"He won't get out until he agrees to help," Ritsuko said, her voice calm and collected.

"You know, it is really cruel what we do to those kids," Misato sighed "We are forcing them to fight a war they don't even understand. Come to think of it, it's not really a surprise that one of them refused"

Heedless to the Captain's downcast mood, Ritsuko spoke clearly.

"They are not children anymore," the doctor said "We need pilots. They need to grow up. If not, we will all die"

"Yeah, they need to grow up just to do exactly what we want them to do," Misato sneered at her friend, exasperated by the Doctor's coldness "They are not spare parts, you know. They are people as well"

Ritsuko turned to look at Misato.

"They are pilots first"

* * *

"Such incompetence cannot be tolerated!"

Several cries of agreement were heard in the grand room, as several JSSDF generals, Japanese ministers and several UN higher ups manifested their concurrence with the words of their fellow general.

Former Commander Gendo Ikari of NERV was being trialled by his actions during Sachiel's attack of Tokyo 3 one week ago, all non-NERV authorities wanting to know exactly why NERV had been unable to do what was created to do. Gendo remained calm, not caring about the trial even if his former colleagues were outraged and demanded his head. He knew that this was a mere show to keep some bothersome people happy; they needed to think that they held at least some power. But Gendo knew that the truth was far more complex: the secret, all powerful organization called SEELE was in reality the one that would truly judge him. In the end this was nothing else than a game, and he had always been masterful at this kind of things; he was too well informed about everything, and had the necessary audacity to defy SEELE and every other authority and still get away with it. So, keeping his cool, the former Commander spoke calmly.

"I did everything a man in my position could do at the time," were his simple words "NERV's resources were limited by the calling of this very same council. Giving our condition during the Third Angel's attack, there was nothing else we could have done"

A loud, collective roar followed his words, as almost all the JSSDF Generals shouted in outrage at Gendo's insolence.

"The cleaning of Tokyo 3 from radiation is ruining us!" one of them shouted.

"The resources NERV has were wasted in your hands, Ikari!"

"Our entire budget pales in comparison to NERV's, yet we were the ones that destroyed the Angel!"

A roar of agreement followed the last words, having been pronounced by an important JSSDF General.

"The usage of eleven N2 mines along with an illegal Nuclear warhead in a concentrated blast has turned Tokyo 3 into little more than debris. The repair costs for the defence systems will be more than what many countries spend in one year" the president of the meeting said gravely, all his colleagues falling silent at his words "NERV was created five years ago as the first defence line between mankind and the Angels. The Evangelion project was NERV's creation, in which we placed our hopes. Yet in our time of need, NERV wasn't there to do what was created to do in the first place!"

"The Evangelion were ready to fight, and our budget was supported by this council," Gendo countered sharply.

"If they were ready, why didn't you use them?"

"Difficulties arose that crippled us, and we weren't able to use neither Unit 00 nor Unit 01 against the Third Angel"

"Yet you told us that you were confident in destroying the target!"

"Without a pilot, Evangelion is useless," Gendo said, his voice gaining a cold, almost exasperated tone "Only three Childs have been found capable of piloting an Evangelion in battle, and none of them were in condition to fight"

"Yet you had pilots! Why didn't you use them?"

"The first was injured, and the second was training in Germany, well out of my reach," Gendo said "We could not use them to fight"

"And what about the Third?"

Complete silence reined the room for the first time.

"The Third Child refused to pilot"

"You fool!" one of the generals shouted, unable to restrain himself "I was present at the time of the Third Angel's arrival, and you only had one injured pilot. Where exactly was this Third Child you mention?"

Several murmurs of agreement were heard, as all the council members turned to look at Gendo.

"He was on his way to the base at the time, placed under the care of Captain Misato Katsuragi of NERV"

Some noise was heard on the room, as several men reviewed their papers in order to confirm Gendo's words.

"You forget to mention," the council president spoke "That the Third Child was not aware of his condition as a pilot. Even if we don't consider his unwillingness to fight - which you were unable to handle - the fact remains that he wasn't trained to fight. Such an incompetent usage of human resources cannot be allowed in a man of your position, Ikari"

"So, they know about Shinji's arrival then," Doctor Akagi said lowly.

Ritsuko Akagi and the newly appointed Commander of NERV Kozou Fuyutsuki were watching the trial, seated in the back of the grand room, amongst other important people that was allowed to watch the process. Given the fact that Gendo was being used as an escape goat, both Fuyutsuki and Akagi were fairly safe of the UN's rage.

"SEELE must have taken out their support of Ikari then, if the UN found out about Shinji's refusal," Fuyutsuki said. Normally, NERV was immersed in a cloud of secrecy granted by its allegiance to SEELE. That gave Ikari all the space he needed to operate easily, manipulating the truth as he saw fit; without SEELE's support, Gendo's schemes were wide open to everyone to see.

"The responsibility will fall over you now," Ritsuko said, eyeing her new Commander intently "Gendo wasn't able to handle Shinji. We will have Asuka in Japan in a few days, but the Committee will want Shinji ready to pilot as well"

"Yet the young Ikari keeps refusing to do it," Fuyutsuki sighed.

Loud shouts were heard on the grand room, as Gendo had said something that obviously irked the JSSDF Generals. Heedless to the ongoing argument, Ritsuko turned to Fuyutsuki and spoke.

"The Committee has ordered that Shinji must become a pilot by all means," The Doctor spoke lowly "They have left matters in your hands now, but if we can't convince him they are willing to try more forceful means"

"Forceful means?" Fuyutsuki snarled, knowing all too well the Committee's means "You mean they'll brainwash the boy"

"They have asked me to conduct a study on how to perform the procedure," Ritsuko said "Yet I'm afraid that I won't be able to give them a positive answer. Mind wiping him wouldn't work: the technology needed to do that isn't advanced enough, and trying to imprint Shinji with new memories while erasing the old ones wouldn't be practical; the false memories would be fuzzy, and Shinji is far too smart to be fooled by them; he would realize our move in a matter of days," Ritsuko said, unaware of Fuyutsuki's disgusted face "That leaves us with the option of classical brainwashing by coercion, but that takes the subject to have no prior bonds, or at least no strong ones. That way, they can't build an identity of their own, and that would leave them totally focused on the purpose we give them. That's what happened with the Second Child, and the same with Rei Ayanami. Neither of them has an identity outside of EVA, nothing that can give their life a reason to be, should they loose they pilot status. Yet Shinji turned out to be different"

"Ikari and NERV raised the Children to be exactly what was expected for the scenario," Fuyutsuki said, his voice tired, revealing the old man's despise of the dark deeds he had taken part in "Shinji was intended to be socially stunted, or at least that's what Ikari wanted, according to his last confidence words with me before being taken away"

"Yes, that supports the files I've been given," Ritsuko said, again not noticing Fuyutsuki's disgust "Former Commander Ikari handed me all the tapes, files and reports on him; and it seems that while Shinji has some friends in his hometown, none of them are actually too deeply bonded with him. He just seems not to care: he doesn't get any remarkable grades in school, yet he has proven to be far more capable than every classmate he had thus far. Not only that, while it is rather obvious that he could have many friends and admirers, he chooses to be mostly alone"

"Which makes brainwashing completely impractical, right?" Fuyutsuki asked, his tone sombre. The newly appointed Commander couldn't believe he was having this talk, about how to brainwash a fourteen years old boy; ten years go he would have thrown up in disgust at the idea, and the fact that said teenage boy was the son of Yui Ikari herself didn't help to make thing better.

"Unfortunately, yes," Ritsuko said "We can't use others against him, as he has no true bonds with anyone; and we can't use some of our own people to bond with him in order to gain leverage, as he has a very strong sense of worth. Unlike the Second Child, who has an inferiority complex, Shinji relies only in himself, and it seems that his beliefs are his own; we won't be able to destroy them, nor we'll be able to make him loose his self esteem, as he seeks confrontation with us: trying to coerce him would only make him stronger"

"That was Ikari's mistake"

"Not only his," Ritsuko said "You are the only one that has spoken to Shinji so far without having an argument. No one else was able to do that"

"I find the young Ikari fascinating," Fuyutsuki said thoughtfully "He is truly his parents' son, even if he doesn't want to hear that"

"It's a shame Gendo didn't call for him earlier"

"Indeed it is. Major Katsuragi will try to convince him to pilot, I assume"

"She is on her way to his cell right now"

The trial went on in loud rage.

* * *

The door opened, letting blinding light in the dark cell. Misato entered the room.

Shinji Ikari was in front of her, sitting on a harsh mattress that was the only piece of furniture inside the cell. The young man was covering his eyes with his right hand, trying to regain his sight.

Misato said nothing. Shinji grew accustomed to the new light and looked at her with those piercing eyes of his, the eyes that made Misato feel like she was a cornered helpless little girl in front of a savage beast, so intense and powerful his glance was.

Yet Misato thought she could see something else now, something that wasn't there when she first met the boy. Yes, she was sure, Shinji's eyes displayed now a far rawer look than before, almost like a famished beast. But that made the young man even more terrible to look at, as his eyes now revealed that he wasn't about to hold back anymore, and that he now was intent on destroying her. And seeing him look at her inside that dark, dirty cell, Misato felt like she wasn't very far from that.

The Captain repressed a shudder. Even in his present condition, Shinji's aura was so intense that she felt small in his side. But she composed herself, strengthening her mental defences, knowing that one little slip up could mean complete failure against the cunning boy.

"You are still here, and you will remain here for a long time," Misato started, her voice very serious and commanding "You had one week to think things through. Do you feel in the mood for talking now?"

Shinji merely gave her one look that reeked sarcasm. And then he let out a quiet, bitter chuckle. Misato straightened herself.

"In the mood for talking?" the boy started. His voice was a little hoarse now, something that actually made him seem more dangerous "I've done nothing else than talk ever since you dragged me here, Misato. The fact that I'm in this cell shows that you are the ones to talk now. So let me ask you, Misato, are you ready to talk now? Are you ready to try something else than blackmail and illegal means of imprisonment? After what happened last week, I would certainly be ready to try something new"

Misato let out an angry sigh. She was starting to get used to Shinji's style when it came down to arguments, but that didn't mean that she was immune to it. After talking to the young man a few times, she had realized what he did to keep the last word in every discussion he took part in. He would put himself in the same level as his opponent - even if he was a prisoner and she was a Captain of the UN - and then he would proceed to destroy whatever that had been said to him, usually with very correct poses. Then, he would retaliate, leaving his interlocutor drowning in confusion. He had done that to Gendo, humiliating the man in front of his entire staff, he had done that to her when she tried to convince him to pilot, he had done that to Ritsuko when she asked him to pilot after the Third Angel's destruction, and he was doing it now. And it was working, as Misato was left with nothing to say to counter that. The boy was right after all, it was NERV that was being forceful to him, not the other way round. So, cursing her choice in words, Misato conceded the first point to Shinji and decided to move on.

"You are in no position to make suggestions," Misato said "You'll get out of here once you agree to pilot Unit 01. The arrangements have been made; you'll have an apartment inside the Geo Front, where you'll receive your training to fight the next Angels"

Shinji said nothing. He merely gazed at Misato with a look she couldn't quite place. Was it amusement? The light twitch of the corners of his mouth indicated that. But Misato wasn't so sure. It was more like a smirk, one that spoke of bitterness, anger, defiance and above all pride.

"You make it sound like there's no choice," Shinji said simply.

"That's because there isn't one for you"

"There is always a choice. Always. Have I not proven that in this very same base? You can't possibly be dense enough to keep thinking that there is no choice"

Misato sighed angrily again.

"Look, I don't have time to play games with you," the Captain said "You are right, you have a choice. It's either pilot or stay here rotting for a very long time"

"You bastards," Shinji growled "You know damn well that I've done nothing wrong. You have no right to imprison me like this, without any charges, without even a trial. You won't trial me because you know that you wouldn't win. This is not an imprisonment, this is blatant kidnapping. At least have the decency not to pretend that you are the good guys here, while I'm seen as the monster"

Shinji's words caught Misato off guard. He was switching tactics with great skill; defying Misato at one point and making her feel guilty at the next one. The worst thing was that, as usual, he was right. Nevertheless, Misato wouldn't be beaten so easily.

"You have refused to serve your country in times of war," the Captain countered coldly "Refusal of service leads to imprisonment, as stated in the Resolution of Special Human Rights"

But Shinji wouldn't be quieted just like that. He didn't hesitate before answering with a cold, bitter tone.

"You mean, that under said resolution you can take anyone's lives without giving anything in return, making innocent underage civilians commit suicide for something you could have anticipated. I don't think that there's any act that endorses something like that. Besides, even if that were the case - and both you and I know that it isn't - I should still be trialled by a court, and I should have the right to defend myself. But it's obvious that you just made me disappear, not telling a soul about my whereabouts. So don't come here trying to prove something to yourself, just to try and feel better thinking that you are the brave defenders of mankind while I am the scum that doesn't dare to help. You know that the truth is far uglier: You are kidnappers; you have committed more crimes than I ever will, and you know it. I'm just the poor idiot that happened to be in your way. But be sure that this idiot won't help you, you fucking murderers. I will not dance like a puppet while you pull the strings. I rather die"

There was silence in the dark cell after Shinji's words. Misato knew that he had been right in all accounts. NERV really didn't have the right to keep him here, and in case of a trial they would loose at stage one. But Shinji's last words had been the worst part. It was like he could build a scenario in Misato's mind with his words alone, a scenario in which NERV was an oppressive force that kidnapped innocents, instead of the organization that served as last line between the Angels and mankind. Misato doubted NERV for a few seconds, Shinji's words probing deep inside her.

"You make us sound like monsters," Misato said finally, her voice steady yet not as strong as before "But you forget that we are in the face of oblivion. If we don't do this, we will all die. I'm sorry that you have to be a part of this, but this is the best choice we have"

Her words were rebutted in a matter of seconds, Shinji's mind proving its sharpness once more.

"Bullshit," the young Ikari countered "You had far better choices than what you did. You really had better opportunities, and yet you didn't use them. That doctor said that Evangelion was mankind's last hope, which couldn't have meant any other thing than last hope of success against the Angels. So that means that you knew that there were going to be Angel attacks. You mentioned something about a Unit 00, which means that there are two Evangelions here, along with one pilot. That means that you also knew that the attacks would take place here. The codename you tried to give me was 'Third Child', which means there is a Second Child somewhere. So, where is he? You knew that the Angels would attack, and you knew that it would be here. If not, why would you make a fortress city here? Why would you keep two Evangelions here? Why would you build this Geo Front here? It was obvious that you knew where the Angels would strike. So, why wasn't the Second Child here? Don't tell me you didn't have better choices"

Misato fell silent after that. And this time, it wasn't just to think of a way to counter Shinji. She was actually thinking about what the young man had said. He was right; it was obvious that at least some people had known that the Angels would strike, and that it would happen in Tokyo 3. Yet Asuka wasn't here to do what she had been trained to do for her entire life. It was simply stupid of NERV not to have her here in their time of need.

"What I'm saying is not overly smart," Shinji said, as if seeing the Captain's doubts "It's just common sense. If you know of a battle to come, you prepare yourself for it. But you didn't, and I don't understand if that was out of plain incompetence or because you had some plan of sorts. But I can't think of any plan that involves suicide, a suicide that would have cost you 'mankind's last hope', to put it in the doctor's terms"

Misato knew then that she was beaten once again. Shinji had refused, and on top of that he had made her faith in NERV stumble with frightening ease. He was right in all issues after all. But Shinji wasn't done yet, as if he wanted to have one last remark to haunt her for a while.

"You call me a monster, but I'm nothing else than a reflection of your own dark deeds. If you see a monster in me, it's because you are monsters too"

Misato turned her back on Shinji and went to the door. But there was something she wanted to say before leaving.

"To do nothing in the face of need is true evil. It is your destiny to become a pilot, and deep down you know it. You know that you are running away"

She didn't get to make one step before hearing Shinji's response.

"To comply with wicked people, to help them hurt others is even more evil. Inaction is better that dark deed. Destiny is nothing more than excuses for the people that don't dare to face the fact that they have to make choices in their life, and face the consequences of them. Destiny is the excuse of cowards, which they use to avoid responsibilities. Justifying your actions with destiny is fanaticism, and ignorance. You are running away, by involving forces greater that you just to escape the fact that you have made terrible choices in your life." Shinji's face broke into a bitter grin, as he said one last phrase that he knew Misato wouldn't easily forget "And deep down you know it"

Misato stopped at the door. Suddenly she felt tired, like if she had been fighting for all her life. She questioned herself and NERV; she no longer felt in the mood to keep arguing.

"Look, I'm...I'm sorry," Misato said tiredly "I know that we don't have the right to put you in this place, and to make you fight," Misato went on with a sigh, with Shinji watching her intently from the darkness of his cell "But you have to understand that as of now there are no other chances we have to defeat the Angels. You are our only hope. I'm sorry it had to be you, trust me; I would have liked it if it had been me. But I don't have any say in the matter"

There were already several things Shinji could say to counter and question Misato. But seeing the downcast expression of the Captain, and hearing what for the first time sounded like honest words, the young man said nothing, letting Misato sigh one last time and leave the cell in silence.

* * *

Asuka Langley Soryu was bored. Right now she was on a plane that was about to land in Hakkone, where Tokyo 3's remains stood, ready to join NERV's first branch in the Geo Front. She had been excited when she was told the news, but that had changed after a long, almost endless flight in one of NERV's aerial transports; a plane big enough to transport her Unit 02 with it.

Tokyo 3's current state was due to the huge failure during the first battle of the Angel Wars. Outraged at NERV's first defeat, Asuka had decided to inform herself as much as possible about what had exactly happened that night eight days ago. It was acting on that decision that Asuka found out that NERV's failure was due to the pilot's state and not the Evangelions.

With Kaji - awesome and lovely as always - helping her to uncover some truths, Asuka learned that the already infamous Third Child was none other than Shinji Ikari, the former Commander's son, and that the boy was apparently completely unprepared to perform his duties. Not only that, but it seemed that he had even refused to fight! Asuka couldn't understand what kind of selection process would choose someone who didn't even want to help, but it was even more complicated for her to understand the boy's motives for his refusal. Was it because he had been afraid? Well, that was logical, since the incompetent higher ups didn't even tell him what they expected of him, and he didn't have any warning about what was about to happen. Still, she knew that she would have fought; it was in her nature: if threatened, Asuka Soryu would fight back until accomplishing success.

But all those thought were impractical now. She was here. Finally, she was in Japan. NERV had her now, and after training for almost a decade she was absolutely ready to do what she had been born to do.

.

Huge cranes were working to lift the huge Unit 02 and place it above previously mounted rails. Asuka was watching the procedure when she heard a loud cough behind her; a sound intended to get her attention.

Turning around, the redhead found herself facing none other than Misato Katsuragi. Asuka smiled, even if it was little more than a courtesy smile; Misato hadn't changed at all during her time away from her.

"Hallo Misato, how have you been?" Asuka spoke proudly, her Japanese flawless.

"Fine, as always," Misato said, trying to show a carefree demeanour. Yet Asuka could see that the woman seemed tense; Asuka could relate, as she too would have been tense after such a disaster as the first battle. But Misato continued "You look taller"

"Yes, and my figure has filled out too," Asuka said, not bothered in the least by her huge ego.

A gust of wind blew and lifted Asuka's sundress, giving Misato a detailed view of the redhead's panties. Asuka silently thanked that Misato was straight and that no unworthy males were nearby.

Misato suppressed a chuckle and addressed Asuka with a straight face.

"Well, I'm going to take you to Headquarters now, and tonight we will have a little party to celebrate"

"Fine by me," Asuka said, not bothered in the slightest about a party being thrown due to her arrival. Or at least that was what she thought "By the way, have my living arrangements been made? Where am I going to live?"

"Whoa in my apartment of course, young lady," Misato said, an evil smirk plastered in her face "What else did you think we were going to celebrate?"

Asuka was afraid for the first time in a good while. It wasn't just Misato's seemingly innocent but truly evil grin, it was the memories of Misato's time in Germany what sent chills down the redhead's spine. She recalled Misato's attempts at cooking all too well to feel calm.

.

Asuka had been right. It had been hell. .. Period. After her first trip trough the Geo Front - and a depressive view of the remains of Tokyo 3 - she had spent the night in Misato's new underground quarters in the Geo Front. The place was a mess, but Asuka had the sneaking suspicion that it would have been far worse if Misato had more clothes and stuff with her. All the Captain's possessions had blown along with half of Tokyo 3 during the first battle.

Even if you didn't consider the mess as important - and Asuka knew that it was - then there was the food, if what Misato prepared could be called food. It seemed that time had made Asuka forget how bad could be, as her stomach almost rebelled at the almost living thing that Misato had cooked.

And then there had been that freaking bird, that seemed to have a knack at scaring beautiful redheads when they were about to bathe. Misato had blown her concerns off, telling Asuka that Pen Pen - that was the penguin's name - had been her roommate for years and that it was a miracle that he was still alive, as she had sent him away to a check-up just a few days before the battle. (Note: I think of myself as a pretty cold guy, but I can't, just can't, kill someone as lovely as Pen Pen. Readers, please bear with this little flaw in the story, I'm human after all)

* * *

Accompanied by Asuka, Misato was driving her car trough one of the very few streets that were clear enough to ride. Both women were heading to the school, since that building - being far from the center of the city - had been one of the few to survive the blast that destroyed most of the city. Right now, the school was used as a provisional shelter for the refugees, as well as an improvised hospital for the injured ones. It wasn't that all the other shelters were destroyed as well; it was that they were already at full capacity and the remaining authorities had cleared every possible building to aid the people in need.

Neither Misato nor Asuka were speaking. The sight of the destroyed Tokyo 3 was enough to put anyone in a depressed mood. This served as a reminder of the power of the Angels to Misato, making her remember the hell that Second Impact had been. And to Asuka, this was an example of how this was a real war and the burden placed on her back now. If she failed, this would happen again.

The reason of their small surface trip was simple, but very important. NERV and the Marduk institute had found the Fourth Child, a boy called Touji Suzuhara. Misato wasn't exactly pleased with this: there were too many dark spots for her to feel comfortable. On one side, this boy was a simple teenager, a student. He wasn't like Asuka or Rei, both girls having trained almost their whole lives to pilot. He wasn't like Shinji, who was incredibly cold an uncaring about others. No, this was a simple, regular boy. Misato didn't feel at ease about how fast the Marduk institute had found another candidate so fast. It had taken years to find Asuka and Rei 'And Shinji' the Captain thought sombrely, recalling how the boy had been chosen at age four and not trained to do his duty, and now they had found this boy just a week after Shinji's refusal.

In any case, Misato was supposed to meet Ritsuko at the school and bring the boy to the Geo Front to start his training. The Captain had agreed, and decided to bring Asuka with her both to get the girl out of the Geo Front for a while, and to make her see the prize that would come with failure, in order to make her a little less self centred and have a better idea of what was at stake here.

Misato parked her car at the entrance of the school - now crowded with refugees - and instructed Asuka to wait for her. Seeing Ritsuko standing nearby, the Captain walked to her and both women entered the building.

.

A tall, well built boy entered the room that had been the principal's office until last week. He had a disconcerted look on his face, which intensified as soon as he saw that in the room were only a lab coat clad and a military woman.

"Touji Suzuhara?" Ritsuko asked. Seeing the boy nod, she went on "I'm Doctor Ritsuko Akagi from NERV, and this is Captain Misato Katsuragi, our Director of Operations. I take it that you don't know why you are here"

Misato was watching the boy intently and saw his face turn grim at the mention of NERV. No, it wasn't just grim, it was plain hateful. She felt like cursing: was there any pilot candidate that didn't think that NERV was some kind of monster?

"I don't," Touji was saying "So say it already and save me some time"

"Very well," Ritsuko didn't react to the boy's rudeness, speaking in a collected tone "As a member of NERV, I'm here to tell you that you have been selected as the Fourth Child by the Marduk institute. Congratulations, you will be an EVA pilot"

Touji stood up in utter rage at Ritsuko's words. Misato was stunned; not even Shinji had displayed that much of a hateful response when told to pilot.

"You bitch! What makes you think that I'm going to do it!?"

"You'll be getting to save the world!" Misato said, not believing the fact that they had another refusal in their hands.

"Fuck you!" Touji shouted back "Fuck you! You can't save anyone! You fucking bastards, you can't save anyone! I'll never work for you!"

"This is a great offer we are making you," Ritsuko said, not raising her voice yet no longer so calm "Not only you would get to be a saviour of mankind, you would also get highly paid and receive the best medical care in the whole world"

"Oh, yeah!?" Touji said, his voice raising even more "Well you can take your offer and stick it! I'm not gonna do a thing you bastards want me to!"

Touji stormed out of the room with that, slamming the door behind him; leaving Misato stunned. Sitting at Misato's side, Ritsuko didn't seem so surprised.

"Ritsuko?" Misato asked, eyeing her friend intently "Just what the hell is going on here? Why did that boy refuse us like that?"

Ritsuko sat in silence and then turned to Misato.

.

Asuka didn't have the time to get bored as Misato came out of the building with a dark look on her face. Asuka had seen the boy they were supposed to pick up go to the basketball court and sit there, where he was approached by a bespectacled boy. They had been talking for the last minutes, the pilot shouting and the other trying to soothe him.

Asuka supposed that it was because of the excitement he had felt when realizing that he had been selected as a pilot - and that thought was what kept her from seeing that the boy as actually shouting in rage and not in excitement - but that didn't quite add with Misato's grim look. Curious, the redhead decided to ask her guardian.

"Let's go, Asuka" Misato beat her to it, talking in a dead tone.

"Aren't we going to take the new pilot to the Geo Front?" Asuka asked, seeing Misato open the door on the driver's side "You said that everything was set for him to have his first synch test, didn't you?"

"He's not coming," Misato said curtly, getting inside the car and starting the engine.

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked again, loosing her temper at the silence that ensued her question "Hey, I'm talking to you! I said what you mean!?"

"He has refused," Misato snapped, turning her head to look at the redhead in exasperation and anger.

Asuka was shocked. Not just surprised, shocked. She couldn't believe what she had heard. Another pilot that refused? Just what was exactly wrong with this people? Didn't they get that piloting was one of the biggest honours they could get in their lives? Didn't they understand the pride that came with it?

"Refused?" Asuka managed to say after some time. Sitting in the driver's seat, Misato hadn't started the engine. Her head was hung low, her face grim. The Captain seemed deep in thought "What the hell is wrong with you Japanese people? Are you all afraid to fight?"

Misato didn't answer. In fact, it seemed that the older woman wasn't even listening to Asuka.

_'You think you can make innocent underage civilians commit suicide for something you could have anticipated?'_

"Whatever," Asuka muttered, opening the door and getting out of the car. It wasn't like she cared about not having another pilot; hell, she was sure she could and would deal with all the remaining Angels by herself, but she had to know what the reasons were for the little coward to refuse to serve his species in times of war.

"Asuka, wait!" Misato called for her as soon as she realized that her charge wasn't in the car anymore "Come back here! Now!"

Asuka didn't grace Misato with an answer. Instead, she walked trough the empty basketball court and headed towards the boy. She could hear Misato's footsteps behind her, the Captain coming for her, but she didn't care. She wanted to know something, and Asuka Langley Soryu always got what she wanted.

"Hey, you!" Asuka called the boy. Said boy was sitting near the fence of the court, his bespectacled friend standing at his side "Just what the hell is wrong with you!? Is it true that you refused to pilot!?"

The boy stood up, his face regaining the look of rage he had a while ago. His friend put a hand on his shoulder, intending to calm him down, but the boy didn't even acknowledge him.

"Who are you, you little bitch?" the boy asked in rage. Asuka's left eye twitched; she would get back at him for calling her bitch, but above all for calling her little.

"I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, Evangelion Pilot," Asuka said powerfully "Unlike you, you little twerp"

"You bastard!" the boy shouted in fury "Who the hell do you think you are!?"

"I just said that. You're not very smart, are you?" Asuka taunted the seething candidate "I don't know why NERV would pick someone like you to become a pilot. You are nothing compared to me"

The boy seemed ready to strike her. His friend rushed at his side and held him off, whispering something in his ear. Then, he led him back to the main building, both of them turning their backs to Asuka.

Asuka wasn't pleased. She was being blatantly ignored - she didn't like that, not one bit - and she still didn't have her answers. So she followed the boys, not done with them yet.

"I mean, I really don't get it," Asuka continued, walking behind the boys "Don't you understand the importance of what we are doing here? Don't you understand that being an EVA pilot is one of the most valuable things in the world? You'll be getting to be a hero! One selected elite Pilot between billions of people! How can you turn that down!? Who in their right mind would pass up a chance to pilot an Eva? To be a special person?"

"What do you want with us!?" the bespectacled boy turned and shouted, leaving his supporting hand in his friend's shoulder.

"With you?" Asuka snarled "I don't want anything with you. What I want to know is why this little coward refused to pilot and be useful to his species. I want to know what exactly is wrong with you Japanese people. Are you all cowards or what? Are you so pathetic that you won't dare to go to war just because you are afraid? Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Piloting is only for the bravest, select..."

SMACK!

Asuka flew a few feet backwards before landing on the ground with a loud thud. She felt dizzy; the boy had hit her straight in the face, hit her with all his strength. And he was physically strong, very strong. Taken by surprise, Asuka didn't have any time to react, and besides, the boy had been impossibly fast in his rage.

Asuka heard footsteps and turned her head to look at Misato, who was kneeling behind her to check if she was fine. But the boy standing in front of her was shouting at the top of his lungs.

"They killed my sister! My sister died in the first attack! My sister died when NERV decided to blow the city up!" his words were becoming difficult to decipher as his voice started to crack "I just wish... My sister..."

Anything else the boy could have said was lost as he broke down. His friend grabbed him and led him out of the court, giving Asuka one last look of despise. Too stunned to say anything, Asuka let the boys go.

"Are you okay, Asuka?" Misato said, trying to help the girl up. Asuka pushed her hand away and stood up by herself "I just found out myself. Ritsuko told me a few minutes ago. I didn't know that his sister died during the attack"

"That still doesn't excuse him for refusing to fight," Asuka grunted, wiping a thin line of blood off her mouth "People dies. He can't be so selfish to let everyone else die just because he is hurt. He can't be so weak"

Misato glared at her charge with concealed surprise. Even though Asuka had a point, her words were still incredibly cold. But then the Captain thought about Asuka's own past, and the losses the young pilot had to endure. Asuka just couldn't comprehend the meaning of a true bond with someone, giving that she had lost the only one she ever had at a very young age.

"Would you fight for the people responsible of your loved ones death?" Misato reasoned, more to herself than to Asuka "Perhaps this was for the best. It really isn't a very good idea to get an angry teenager as a pilot"

"Well then he should grow up," Asuka countered "There are more important things going on here, just in case he hasn't noticed"

The pair started to walk towards the car. Even though Misato agreed with Asuka, she couldn't help but feel a little unsettled by the redhead's coldness. That, and the striking resemblance Asuka's words had with Ritsuko's reasoning.

"Did the Third Child loose someone as well?" Asuka suddenly asked, eyeing Misato carefully.

"Not recently, as far as we know," Misato replied while getting in the car 'And NERV knows everything about him, since the Commander has played with him for his entire life' the captain thought with a frown.

"Then what happened with him?" Asuka asked, trying to get as much information as she could from her guardian "Was he like that Suzuhara boy, an angry immature idiot that refused just because he was mad?"

"Ikari is nothing like him, Asuka;" Misato said "He is far worse. Don't come near him, he is... a monster. He'll tear you apart"

'_You call me a monster, but I'm nothing else than a reflection of your own dark deeds. If you see a monster in me, it's because you are monsters too'_

"Hmph," Asuka snarled "Like a little coward like him could do anything to me"

Misato threw a side glance at the redhead. She knew that Asuka was strong, but she also knew that the young pilot had her own issues and hidden weaknesses. What worried her was that if Shinji and Asuka were to meet, it wouldn't take long before the cunning Ikari found out about Asuka's fears and doubts. And then he would push them, making Asuka collapse just like he had done to the Commander. 'And myself' Misato added mentally. There were some things Shinji had said that she just couldn't get out of her mind. She regretted talking to him in many ways.

On the other side, Asuka was decided. She knew now why this Touji boy had refused; she now wanted to know what had happened to Ikari.

* * *

"Excellent work, Asuka," Misato said trough the intercom.

Asuka smiled and left the Entry Plug of her Unit 02. This was her first synch test in Japan, and she wanted to show the people in here what a real Evangelion pilot was capable of. She wanted to boost some morale in NERV as well, as having a willing pilot for a change would help matters a lot and she knew it.

Asuka entered the room in which the pilot's synch stats were monitored and walked towards Misato and Ritsuko, which were talking nearby.

"So, how did it go?" Asuka asked, straight to the point.

"You achieved a 74% synch ratio," Doctor Akagi informed the beaming redhead "Quite impressive. Rei Ayanami has only achieved a 57% synch ratio thus far"

"Where is she?" Asuka asked again, thinking on how she had never seen the First Child so far. Maybe they could become friends.

"She is still in the intensive care unit," Misato said "She has to stay there at least four weeks more before getting to return to active duty"

"So, everything's depending on me, then" Asuka said with a satisfied smirk "Don't worry, I can take it hands down. I'm the best EVA pilot after all"

"Yes you are," Misato gave her a good natured smile "So, why don't you get changed and get some rest, huh? I'm sure we can get some of those videogames you like in our quarters"

Asuka almost snarled, but she restrained herself out of courtesy. She appreciated Misato's efforts to make her feel more at ease, and she realized that Misato suggested her to go back to their private quarters because they really didn't have much better choices, with the city destroyed and everyone busy with repairs or something of the sort. So she simply smiled again and left the room, going to the changing rooms to take a bath and get out of her plugsuit.

.

But of course, Asuka wasn't about to get back to her apartment and do nothing for the rest of the day. Hours earlier, she had decided to learn why the Third Child had refused, since he didn't have any reasons to. Asuka supposed it was due to simple cowardice, the lack of bravery to face something terrible and fight back. But Misato had cut her immediately after she said those words, stating that Shinji wasn't a coward, but a vengeful monster. Asuka couldn't understand why the Captain seemed almost afraid of him, and her disconcert only grew larger at seeing how the technicians talked about him as if he were some kind of beast that could destroy people just with his words.

Now, Asuka wasn't stupid. Her college education had seen to that. She did know that there were some men that could talk and push other people's minds into doing what they wanted, and she knew how they did it. They tended to take advantage of their opponents weaknesses - that was one of the reasons why she carefully erased every weak point she had - by making them doubt themselves. What Asuka couldn't understand was why NERV listened to such a coward as Shinji Ikari. How was it possible that even the former Commander had fallen before him, and how was it possible that no one could reason with him and make him realize the wrong of his ways. So, as always, she took matters into her own hands. If no one dared to face the little twerp, then she would do so herself, just to show them what a truly fearless person was like.

.

The door opened and Asuka entered the dark room. The guard had offered her to enter as well, but Asuka assured him she could take care of herself just fine.

It was a dark dirty cell. The only furniture was a harsh mattress on one side. And laying over that mattress was a young boy that was covering his eyes with his left hand, trying to regain his sight in the momentarily intense light.

So this was Shinji Ikari. Asuka wasn't impressed. After all the tales she had heard about the boy, she pictured him... bigger. Maybe even muscular. What she found instead was a scrawny boy with brown hair, all his body speaking of mediocrity.

But then Asuka saw his eyes for the first time. They were looking at her. And she felt threatened for the first time. It wasn't the kind of danger of a person that's ready to physically strike you, no, it was the kind of look that made you feel uncomfortable, analyzed. A look that spoke of a cold, cunning mind, of someone who wasn't about to hold back.

Well, that was fine by her. Cold eyes or not, she could handle this worm.

"Who are you?" the boy spoke, his voice dark and hoarse. Asuka had to give him some credit, he did sound imposing while talking in that tone in the middle of a dark cell.

"I'm Asuka Langley Soryu," Asuka said proudly "I'm the Second Child, the pilot of Unit 02"

Shinji sat up in his mattress, looking at her intently. He had a thoughtful look in his eyes, yet they were still very present, and very focused, trained now in Asuka's eyes with sharpness.

"The pilot of Unit 02, huh" Shinji muttered, more to himself than to her "The Evangelion pilot. The Second Child"

Something about his tone irked Asuka. It wasn't sarcastic, it had sounded tired more than anything else. Yet she was sure that some mockery had been there as well, very subtle yet still present.

"That's right" Asuka said loudly, as if to counter Shinji's amusement with proud assumption "I've been training since I was five years old"

Something very subtle changed in Shinji. His eyes sparkled for the briefest moment, and then narrowed ever so slightly. Asuka wasn't sure about what had caused that, but she could see now that Shinji wasn't neither weak nor stupid. His tone, his voice, his posture, everything about him spoke about cold and raging intelligence.

"So, what does Asuka Langley Soryu, pilot of Unit 02, want with me here?" Shinji asked, leaning forward and eyeing Asuka with slight mockery.

This wasn't a good start for Asuka. This boy was getting on her nerves already. She couldn't believe him; he was the coward that had refused to fight, and she was the one that had dedicated her life to ready herself to fight a war and save everyone's ass - his' included - and yet he had the gall to make fun of her.

Shinji, on the other side, had a smirk plastered across his face. Oh, this was going to be fun.

"I wanted to see the coward that didn't dare to do his duty one week ago," Asuka countered, trying to get that smirk out of Shinji's face.

Yet said smirk only grew larger.

"Then, look somewhere else," Shinji said "Because there's no coward here - unless you are one - and no one has refused to do any duty he agreed to do"

"Really now?" Asuka snarled "And then what happened here one week ago? Wasn't that your duty? Or you were somewhere else?"

"That was NERV's duty," Shinji countered, blowing an exasperated sigh. He had heard that argument several times, and he was getting tired of crushing it with the same response "I didn't agree to do anything. I didn't even know what was going on. It is NERV's duty to fight, not mine. It is NERV's duty because you agreed to do it. You see, there is an instance you idiots seem to have forgotten. That instance is choice. Whether you agree or disagree to do something. It's not like a duty is placed upon you and you can't run away from it, nor there is such thing as a duty that has to be taken forcibly. It's about whether you decide to do something, and if you are ready to face the consequences either if you do it or not" Shinji sighed again, and there was a brief silence in the room, as Asuka couldn't counter his words so fast. But Shinji continued "And to answer your first question, what happened here one week ago was incompetence, plain and simple incompetence. That, or something even worse"

Asuka realized now that this was going to turn into a dangerous argument, as Shinji's poses were right. They shouldn't be, they couldn't be, but they were. She had to be careful now, if she was to learn more about the boy.

"And who are you to talk about incompetence?" Asuka countered sharply "NERV is only for the best of the best. Only those who have a real dedication to what they do manage to get here. Only the best have a chance at NERV"

"It didn't seem like that a few days ago, when the best of the best couldn't even do what they were preparing to do for longer than a decade," Shinji said simply.

Again, silence reined in the cell.

"It's pretty stupid, don't you think?" Shinji continued "Having three Units ready, and two pilots, and being unable to use any of them. But then again, NERV is composed by the 'best of the best' as you put it, so surely you had a reason to make such a colossal mistake, right? And in any case, what do you know about competence or incompetence? What do you know about being the best?"

Now it was Asuka's time to grin. They were going into familiar grounds.

"Far more than you ever will," the redhead said proudly "I have been training to be the best ever since I was five years old. I've been taught discipline and control, and how to be the best pilot that will lead mankind to salvation. Not only that, I was so damn good that I always surpassed what was expected of me. I've even completed college last year. What did you do with your life during that time, huh? Nothing, I'm sure of it"

Shinji had been watching Asuka with an extremely focused gaze, listening to every word she said. His eyes were shining with sharpness, yet his voice was grave when he spoke.

"I've done nothing, yes, but it was a thoughtful nothing," was Shinji's response "But there's something that interests me: you said you graduated college, right? But you don't have the age to do that yet, so how's it possible?"

"That's because I'm a child prodigy," Asuka informed him "I have an IQ of 152 points, well above the gifted mark. Age has never been a problem to me; I'm far more mature than any of the idiots I've studied with in college"

Shinji said nothing, resting his chin in one hand and eyeing some point in the wall, thinking intently.

"So, how come you were sent to college then?" he finally asked "Did your parents send you there?"

"NERV sent me to college once they found out about my prodigious intelligence," Asuka said. She didn't have any problems in saying how incredibly gifted she was, as it was the truth and nothing else. Denying it would be hypocrisy "They realized that I could be even better if I trained not only my body and my instincts, but my mind as well"

"So, you went to college even while training to pilot?" Shinji asked, an impressed tone in his voice. Yet his glance was becoming sharper by the minute, as it seemed that he was getting what he wanted to hear in some way.

"Yes, and I could handle it all," Asuka said confidently "While you were busy with your 'thoughtful nothing' I was doing things that even adults can't do"

"Even adult's can't do," Shinji echoed lowly "Things that even adults can't do"

"That's right, and you are nothing compared to me," Asuka said loudly. She had dealt with the boy, just like she had expected.

Her satisfaction wasn't meant to last, as Shinji wasn't done with her.

"But then again," Shinji started to say "You were far too small for that, don't you think? Starting to train at age five? Graduating college at age thirteen? Fourteen maybe? You were a little girl at the time"

"Didn't you just hear me?" Asuka snarled "I said that I could because I'm a prodigy. Age has nothing to do with me"

"You just don't get it, do you?" Shinji said, smirking again "Age does count, no matter how intellectually developed you are. Age always counts, as there is one right time to do certain things, and then that's lost forever. Childhood is one of those things you can't get back. You lost your childhood"

"I grew up too fast," Asuka countered "I didn't need to have a childhood. I didn't need anyone. I haven't cried since I was five years old"

"Then it all leads to one last question, adult Second Child," Shinji said "Were you happy at the time? Were you happy with your life?"

"Of course I was," Asuka said, not believing the nerve of the boy "I was doing things none other could do!"

"That's not happiness," Shinji countered "You didn't say why you were happy. The way I see it, you just worked your ass out starting at age five, reading and reading some college and NERV bullshit while forgetting about yourself. Are you sure you were happy? Think back. Were you really happy? Or were you too busy with training and studies to worry about happiness?"

Something clicked inside Asuka. Before she could help herself, she recalled some of the words that were spoken to her during her first decade of life.

'You have to try hard to become an Eva pilot, Asuka!'

'Work hard! Don't disappoint us, Asuka!'

'You're an Eva pilot now, so you have to try your best!'

None of those words spoke about her. It was all related to being the best, the best pilot, the best student. Not her.

Again, the cell was filled with silence. Shinji caught up with that with terrible speed.

"So, you realize now that you weren't" the boy said, his smirk returning to him "Even with you IQ of 152 points, you were just too stupid to realize how they were taking you happiness and your life, right? How they pushed you to achieve something, not caring about if you really wanted that something" And now Shinji's voice was becoming louder, darker, and far worse than before, full of bitter sarcasm. Asuka was starting to feel really bad "The saw potential and they exploited it, didn't they? They exploited you, even at such a tender age as five. Suddenly, NERV doesn't seem that good to you, right? They are reckless enough to ruin a five year old life"

"Shut up!" Asuka said, having had enough of Shinji's insidious words "Who the hell do you think you are? You are no one to judge me. I wanted to be there"

"No, you didn't," Shinji said, now very coldly "They made you think that you wanted that, but it wasn't true and I'll tell you why: if you really wanted to be there, then you would have been happy. Yet you weren't. It's as simple as that"

Asuka said nothing. She didn't know what to say.

Shinji wasn't done with her, though.

"NERV has taken everything from you. Are you happy?"

Asuka couldn't help but remember how complicated it was for her to spend a calm, happy day with Misato or Kaji during the earlier years of her life. It was a paperwork nightmare to let her leave headquarters. But she would not crack under Shinji's words.

"What are you, stupid?" Asuka chuckled, her voice loud and confident again "of course I am. I'm an Eva pilot"

"Why do you pilot Eva?"

"Why? Because I was chosen! I'm elite! No one else can do what I can do. And everyone praises me!"

The cards were on the table. Asuka was posing her beliefs against Shinji, and she knew that in the end she was right.

It didn't take long for Shinji to make her doubt that.

"So you live to hear others praise, even when you lie to yourself when saying that you don't need anyone. Do you get praised then? Are you happy right now? Do you enjoy being in the middle of a war? Or is it something else you like?"

This was driving Asuka crazy. That goddamm brat had the nerve to criticize and judge her like if she were some kind of little, ignorant weak creature. She didn't need anyone else. She really didn't. But right now there was silence in the cell, as Asuka pondered Shinji's last questions before giving her - for the first time in a subdued tone - answer.

"I like the respect piloting gives me"

Shinji snarled.

"If the only respect you have is as a pilot, then you don't have any respect for your own persona; you just value yourself as a tool. I'll ask you again: right now, are you happy?" Seeing Asuka's doubts, Shinji pushed her even farther, his tone now imposing, getting louder and louder, cornering Asuka and making her feel small in comparison to him "Yes or no? It's a simple question. Yes or no?"

It took several seconds for Asuka to answer.

"I will be"

It had been a low answer. It had been said with her head hung low. It had been an answer full of doubt. This had never happened to Asuka before. Such was the power Shinji had on her.

"No you won't. You'll only realize that you were mistaken, and that you can't fix the damage. NERV took your childhood and your life without giving you anything in return, and you say that you are proud to fight for them? You say that you are the elite? Tell me something: after seeing things that way, can you still think of yourself as smart? You are very stupid to me" Asuka's anger was growing bigger at the second, yet it wasn't just hatred for the boy in front of her, it was also frustration at seeing how he could insult her so easily, frustration at her inability to counter him. Yet Shinji wasn't done yet, proving to be incredibly cold as well as smart, as he pushed Asuka even harder, knowing too well how much this would hurt her "Do you realize that you are at your peak right now? Things won't get better for you in the future. And what do you think NERV will do once they're done with you? Recognize you? Love you? Respect you? They'll just throw you aside. They are using you; they have always treated you like a tool, not a person. NERV took your childhood, your happiness and your self respect giving you nothing in exchange, and yet you say you are proud to fight for them. Be proud of them if you want, but don't think I can be brainwashed so easily"

Asuka found herself wondering how they have come to this. They were supposed to be talking about Shinji's cowardice, yet they were now discussing her childhood and beliefs. Asuka then realized the depth of Shinji's intelligence: he had lured her into talking about herself just to be able to find her weak points, instead of talking about him. The only thing Asuka recalled to hear about him was that ridiculous phrase of a 'thoughtful nothing' in his life.

Having learned about that fact, Asuka decided to move back to the real topic of the duel.

"You talk too much but you do nothing! You have a chance of doing something here! You should be proud that you've been given the chance to be a part of NERV"

"Proud? Chance? A chance of being their puppet? A chance of what?"

A chance of what!? Asuka couldn't believe this boy now. It was as if he didn't have a sense of honour.

"A chance of getting to save the world!" Asuka shouted, wondering why her voice had sounded squeakier than she intended.

"Nonsense. NERV isn't exactly giving me much of a chance here, in case you haven't noticed. Just like you, you too weren't given any choice in the matter. NERV took your life without asking, without giving anything in return. And as for the saving the world thing, I don't buy it. There is something else going on here; if not, they wouldn't have made so many stupid mistakes, like raising such an egocentric and fragile person as you, or not training me for absolutely no reason"

Asuka was now mad as hell. She really wanted to punch this boy.

"What are you talking about!?" Asuka shouted, her voice loud, her fists clenched "What is that crap about me being fragile? I'm strong, dammit! It wasn't a mistake they trained me, I was selected from a lot of candidates! Piloting is what I was born to do!"

But then again, Shinji countered with such speed and ease that Asuka's anger grew even larger at his seemingly unbeatable mind.

"Do you even know why they selected you? Obviously not for any traits that are related to bravery or intelligence. Look at me, I was selected even if they never actually tested me. In my case, it was because the will of my mother and father, that intended to use me. That's more like nepotism. Tell me something, Soryu: did your parents work in the Evangelion Project? Because if they did, then you are probably nothing more than spare parts for your Unit 02"

Asuka fell in a panting silence. It was true after all, both of her parents had worked in the Evangelion project. But she was getting desperate at Shinji's insolence, wondering what kind of a bastard he was if he dared to mess with her mother's memory as well.

Shinji caught up with Asuka's silence in a millisecond, seeing her inner doubts as a new point to strike with his cunning words. He spoke in a tone that reeked irony.

"Your parents and your precious NERV told you that you were selected, that you are special. Foolish girl. You are here most likely due to the will of your parents, with NERV realizing that manipulating you was extremely easy, that gullible you are" Asuka said nothing. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. But Shinji moved on "Who told you that you were born to pilot?"

"Everyone!"

Her shout of hatred didn't faze Shinji in the slightest. He moved forward with unstoppable intelligence.

"So, instead of thinking by yourself and deciding what do you really want to do, you just let 'everyone' tell you the objective of your life without even putting up a fight, don't you? Tell me something: does 'everyone' happen to be just NERV?"

Silence ensued Shinji's words. Asuka, whose anger had been raising at hearing Shinji's comments of her being a obedient doll - something she could not stand being called - fell silent when realizing something very important: Shinji was right. Everyone, absolutely everyone that had told her that piloting was her mission in life was a part of NERV. And NERV wanted her to do it, so it was obvious that they would tell her that piloting was her objective in life.

All those thoughts flashed trough Asuka's mind in milliseconds, her gifted brain moving trough new perspectives with lighting speed. Shinji was right, that's what her mind was telling her. But the mind isn't everything a person has, so Asuka silently denied the chance that she had been lied to during all her life. It just couldn't be possible: even her mother had worked for NERV, and then everyone else she had met had worked for the organization too.

But Shinji wasn't done talking; as it seemed that he decided that he could make Asuka stumble a bit more before letting her go.

"There is no such thing as destiny, nor people that has a mission set even before their birth. There is choice instead; what you choose to do or not to do. Piloting it's just one thing we can do, that's it. Nothing more. In sight of that ability, I decided not to, and I have plenty of reasons for that. You, on the other hand, bought that crap they told you that it was your destiny to pilot and save mankind. They say it is your destiny to pilot, but who creates that destiny? NERV. NERV tells you that your destiny is to work for them. How convenient, don't you think? And like an obedient puppy, you go around bragging about it. What a coward"

Asuka felt like she was being pierced by Shinji's words. Even with all her intelligence, and her trained mind, she was simply unable to beat the boy. She now fully realized what Misato had meant before; Shinji had an incredible ability to find a person's weakness and hit them hard, making his opponent crumble with ease. It was maddening; she could not counter him, no matter how much she wanted to, as it always seemed that the cunning boy had a response to everything she said. Even her all life long beliefs seemed vague and fragile against his mind and powerful persona; Shinji was incredibly imposing, even in his situation; and she was getting frustrated with how he could be so insolent as to insult her entire life - which she had spent training and becoming the best, while he was being a mediocre boy - and get away with it, as even her best arguments paled in comparison to his'. And with her frustration came her anger, as she was getting increasingly mad at his constant insults, the last one being too much. No one had ever, ever, called Asuka Langley Soryu a coward, and she would not stand it now.

"You are no one to call me a coward" Asuka hissed, her anger rising "You are the coward here. I've never ran away from EVA"

Shinji merely groaned in response, rolling his eyes. Asuka was already starting to hate the boy.

"You are just missing the point here. Did they even give you a chance at refusing?" Shinji said, his eyes now fixed in the redhead, his voice gaining an angry tone for the first time "Don't you see it, you idiot? They ruined your life. They forced you to do something terrible, not physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. They have been lying to you since you were tested, perhaps even before as well. Maybe even you mother wanted to use you like spare parts, just like mine did. They forced you to work for them by lying to you, and you are just too weak so see the truth for yourself"

Asuka merely looked at Shinji, panting heavily in fear and intense hatred. She didn't know what to say, and she was starting to feel terrified of him saying more hurtful things to her, as she knew that they would plague her for weeks. But Shinji added even more words to her misery.

"You run away by piloting EVA. You run away by piloting to avoid facing the misery of your life. You run away by doing everything they want you to do by calling it destiny, instead of making your own choices freely and accepting the consequences they will have. You are a coward, Asuka Langley Soryu. You are a coward because you want to find your self worth by mindlessly obeying NERV's commands. This is the first time in your life you find someone that speaks against NERV, and here you are, open mouthed, unable to say a thing. Look how easily I can destroy your beliefs, just with my words alone" Asuka was panting heavily, her fists clenched "You and me, we're the same. We've both been lied to during all our life. The difference is that you actually believed the lies"

The air was filled with tension. Neither of them spoke. Shinji looked thoughtful, uncaring about Asuka's hatred. On the other hand, the redhead was seething in rage and fear. Yet Shinji remained calm. He knew that he had beaten her, just as he had thought when luring her into talking about herself. It was extremely easy to him to crush a person's beliefs, and the egocentric type was his speciality. The bigger a person's ego, the stronger they tried to look, the louder they talked, the easier they fell.

"There is something else going on here. I mean, I can't believe that I'm the first one that notices that. They lie, Soryu. They lie to you, they have lied to me, they lie to Misato and everyone else. You can be their little puppet if you want. Go back to being their doll, go back to being proud of being their doll if that makes you happy, but I refuse"

Doll. He had said that word. Doll. He had pronounced that doll while speaking of her. That was the final straw. Asuka had never been this angry.

But Shinji only pushed her harder and harder. He spoke in a mocking tone.

"You want to hit me, right? You want to use violence on me. You want to hurt me, and since you just don't know how you plan on punching me to relieve your anger, don't you? Well, go ahead and do so. I won't stop you. I'll even watch. Violence is the last resource of the incompetent. By assaulting me, you'll just be proving my point. You'll be proving me right. And you know, there are times when I get tired, and I mean really tired, of being right all the time"

Asuka was trembling in rage. It took all her self control, all the discipline she had earned during almost a decade of training not to lash out and kill the boy. Yet Shinji didn't seem fazed in the slightest. Instead, the boy had a strange expression on his face.

Shinji was looking at the wall in front of him. Just at the wall in front of him. His lips curved upwards. It was a plain, thick wall. Soon, his face broke into a small grin. A wall conceived to impede any sounds coming in or out the cell. His face had a bemused smile plastered across, as the boy could no longer restrain himself. It was a thick wall indeed. His face broke into a full grin. There were no walls he couldn't crack.

A small chuckle was heard in the dark room.

Asuka's world stopped. The air around her went thick. She no longer cared to draw breath. Her eyes, her entire being were focused on the sound that had come out of Shinji's lips.

A fit of chuckles came out of Shinji's mouth again. The boy had his eyes closed, trying to regain control of himself. But he was failing miserably, as his chuckles finally gave in to a barrage of laughter.

Asuka's body started to breathe on its own, as the redhead's mind and soul was uniquely focused on Shinji. Yet her body was breathing harshly, as Asuka's fists were tightly clenched, trembling in pure hatred.

Asuka's mind was desperately looking for something to say. But that wasn't the biggest problem; the real issue now was staying in control. One small slip would mean complete disaster, as the redhead would act on instinct alone.

Asuka's instinct told her only one thing. Kill.

Asuka's mind prevailed.

"What are you laughing at?"

The voice had been cold. Dead. Anyone that heard that voice would have been careful. But Asuka was facing Shinji Ikari.

A full barrage of laughter erupted from the boy's throat. Shinji was clutching his stomach with both hands, his eyes tightly closed. His laughter increased in volume.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I'm... sorry," Shinji managed to say before letting out a horselaugh "It's just... I can't..." other words were lost as he started to laugh again.

Asuka's fist moved faster than ever. Shinji's left cheek was left instantly swollen, as the girl had hit him with all her might. But that only caused Shinji to laugh even harder, his breath laboured, as the boy could not regain control of himself.

"Du verdammtes Arschloch! Wer zum Teufel glaubst du, du bist! Du bist nichts! Wie kannst du mich auslachen!" Asuka's voice thundered in the dark cell, as her fists flew with impossible speed, hitting Shinji at every possible place. But the boy only laughed harder and harder, not even his occasional moans of pain helping him to stop.

"Hör auf zu lachen! Verdammt, aufhören zu lachen!" Asuka punched Shinji in the stomach with every ounce of strength she had, taking the air out of the boy's lungs. Shinji collapsed and fell to the floor, supporting his weight with his hands and knees alone. Yet laughter could still be heard amidst his panting.

Asuka screamed. It was a cry that spoke of pure hatred, of frustration, of anger, of years of suppressed emotions, of fear at finally facing someone she could not deal with, of fear at being bested, of insight at realizing how she was being destroyed and not being able to do something about it. She kicked Shinji in the stomach with all she had.

Shinji cried in pain and fell to the floor facing the ceiling now, his face contorted in pain as he tried to regain his breath. He managed to do so after a few seconds, his laughter gone yet his grin still present.

The boy looked at Asuka straight in the eye. The redhead was paralyzed; she just couldn't figure what was going trough Shinji's head.

"That all you've got?"

.

.

.

Later on, Asuka would swear that at that moment she was seeing red.

Still panting heavily, Shinji broke eye contact with her and clutched his stomach. A bitter giggle escaped his lips.

He then focused his gaze on Asuka again, his eyes gaining a terrible intensity, his entire body - even battered and bruised as it was - giving an incredible aura of power.

Asuka was afraid. For the first time in years, she was truly afraid. Shinji wasn't looking at her; he was looking trough her. It was like he could see everything about her, everything she tried to hide. And like he was about to obliterate her. Asuka felt naked in front of a beast.

"Even with all your strength, even with everything you can do," Shinji said then, his voice now suddenly deep and cold, an underlying dark tone with it "You still have nothing to do against me. You base your life on the belief that you are the best, that no one can beat you. But then, you find someone that can. And you realize that everything you believed in, all the things you took for granted, your entire life was nothing more than self deceit. What do you do then? What do you do when you realize that no matter how strong you think you are, there is people that just won't budge? What do you do when you find someone stronger than you? Because the minute you do, you realize that your belief of strength was nothing more than a lie, and that in reality it is your greatest weakness, one that makes you utterly fragile. That's you right now" Shinji groaned in pain while sitting up, his right hand clutching his ribs, where several of Asuka's punches had hit him. Keeping his head low, the boy let out a sigh, and his voice gained a tired, bitter tone "I am the first person in your life that speaks against NERV, and you can't counter me. At least, think about what I said. Not for me, since I'm going to rot here just because NERV decided to kidnap me, but for yourself. Because between you and me, you are the biggest victim here"

Asuka turned and ran. She could still hear Shinji's low, mockingly bitter chuckles as she stormed out of the cell. And those chuckles seemed to amplify inside her soul, echoing inside her, cracking all her inner walls, and her beliefs. Misato had been right, Shinji Ikari was a monster, and now she was paying the prize that came with facing him.

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**Author Notes 2:**

Alright, that's about it with chapter two. So, now it's time for some of my ramblings.

You might have noticed that this chapter deals with other people's perspective of what happened with Shinji and Shinji himself. Only in very precise points we get to see what's going on trough Shinji's mind. That was done on purpose, as I didn't want this entire fic to be solely focused in Shinji. I wanted to expand that by writing about Asuka and Misato. That's why most of this chapter is written from Asuka's point of view.

One of my favourite parts of this chapter is the argument between Shinji and Misato. I wanted it to be lasting, to be truthful and hurtful. Something that wouldn't be forgotten easily. Shinji and Asuka's talk shares the same trait. Both duels the Eva girls have with this cold Shinji will be pivotal in the story, as neither of the females will be able to forget what Shinji said.

Now, if we are to understand how is it possible that Shinji knows so much, we have to realize that in reality he doesn't. He's just incredibly smart, smart enough to realize plenty of things. And from there on he just infers and suspects many other things, which he says as if he actually knows that they are true, even if he actually doesn't. That's how he's able to look so smart and knowing, when in reality he is just making assumptions.

From there on, Shinji's abilities will do the rest. He is incredibly skilled at switching topics and thoughts, leaving his opponents drowning in confusion, as we saw in chapter one. You may say that he is even colder here than in the first chapter, to which I would say that the guy has been thrown into a freaking cell for doing nothing at all. I would be very pissed as well, so I wouldn't care much about being polite and considerate of others, and I know that most people wouldn't as well.

I'd like to remind you that this fic deals with the idea of Shinji being a little more normal than the one we see in the series. I think that the Shinji we know from the anime is by far one of the bravest characters there are around. He lives in pain, he is unable to find some solace, and yet he still dares to move on and fight, even at his own expense. He suffers while doing it, yet he still goes on, always keeping other people in mind. This Shinji doesn't give a damn. It's what I really think a normal guy would do in series' Shinji's place, the only difference being that the Shinji of this fic is incredibly smart.

I know I pictured Ritsuko to be even colder than in the anime, but I don't think that that was out of character. Ritsuko is terrible in her own right, as she even crushes Shinji in episode 23 to complicate Gendo even more. She does not have any respect for human life. More than once we see her saying things like 'we need pilots'. That was taken a bit further here; without Gendo, Fuyutsuki is the new Commander. But in reality, the real boss is Keel now, and Keel is ruthless. It doesn't come as a surprise that he would try to brainwash Shinji.

As for the brainwash thing, I really did a lot of research to find some useful information. What Ritsuko says here is true, as far as I know. Brainwash is almost impossible on a strong minded guy, and even if that weren't the case it would still take months. So it's impossible for NERV to try and do something like that to Shinji.

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I think I should be shutting up right now, as I must be nearing 14000 words by now. So I ask you to leave reviews and I hope you liked this chapter. I'll try to update soon.


	3. Madness

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own any of the characters from the Evangelion universe, as they belong to Hideaki Anno, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and GAINAX studios.

**Author Notes:**

This chapter was co written with Greydon Creed. Several scenes as well as many others of his ideas were used here; the credit for this chapter is his' as well.

First of all please accept my apologies for the huge delay. My internet connection simply went haywire a few months ago and I just got it back. I used the time to write, but I'm afraid I kind of lost some rhythm in the meantime. Still, this is a very large chapter.

There is one thing I'd like you to know. This chapter was originally twice as large. I had to cut it in half. The other half will be chapter four, and most of it is already written. At least it won't take me several months to update this time.

I would really like to thank you all for your reviews. I would have never thought this fic would meet such a good response. It was due to the first chapter success that I decided to continue this fic, and I haven't regretted that decision ever since. Your comments encourage me to keep writing, as well as giving me ideas as to where to go. Many of you have pointed things that I will definitely use in the future; everything you say is taken into account. So, thank you a lot.

Many of you have pointed Shinji's resemblance to Hannibal Lector from Silence of the Lambs. I hadn't planned on that, but it's the way things turned out to be, and I can't help but agree with you, this Shinji does have a very strong Lector vibe. To tell you the truth, I based him in things I've seen, and small details taken from other characters. Believe it or not, I once saw a guy get beaten up and he laughed all the way. I later asked him about it and he said it was all a matter of having the right mindset, whatever he meant by that.

Some of you have asked for future confrontations between Shinji and other members of the cast. To those of you who have done so: relax! This chapter has a few of them and the next ones will have even more. Rest assured that I love writing about an arrogant jerk that keeps arguing with people.

Let me warn you about one thing: this is easily the darkest chapter so far. It has some disturbing scenes in it; thing is, I find that accurate. This is a fic about NERV's darker side, about what could happen given one different character that stirs the worst in the others. But it's fascinating for me to write about a complete jerk for once, instead of the usual good natured main characters we see on most stories.

One last detail: Okay, you got me on the 'escape goat' thing. My bad. I really don't know what I was thinking then; I honestly meant scapegoat.

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**Chapter 3: Madness**

Sitting on a couch in her new quarters in the Geo Front, Captain Misato Katsuragi was lost in thought. Asuka's synch test had gone well, and the redhead seemed in high spirits. That was good, but still it unsettled her that Asuka was the only defence they had for now, and Misato had learned the lesson of how wrong it was trusting everything in the hands of just one person the hard way. And she didn't even want to think about the Suzuhara boy. It was disgusting the way some people had talked about him, as if they were sure that he would cooperate, even after NERV caused the death of his sister.

'Do we really treat people like that, like simple tools with no will of their own?'

_'You make it sound like there's no choice' Shinji had said simply._

_'That's because there isn't one for you' Misato had answered._

Damn. That cursed boy was haunting her again. It wasn't him what bothered Misato, but the fact that his words had been proven right so far. Misato had thought that he was little else than a coward and a sociopath after meeting him for the first time, but more and more she found herself agreeing with him. She didn't think he was a coward now, but rather a boy with no empathy at all, someone that didn't give a damn about others. Not exactly the kind of guy that could play the role of saviour.

The door of her barracks swung open and Asuka stormed in. Used to the German's volatile behaviour by now, Misato simply turned around to greet her like always. But she stopped in shock.

"Asuka, what happened!?"

The German girl had puffy eyes, red with the irritation that came with shed tears. Her fists had some blood as well. But what surprised and pained Misato the most was Asuka's aura; that air of supreme confidence she always had was gone, completely obliterated, leaving only a wreck of what the Second Child used to be. Misato jumped to her feet and went immediately to the redhead's side, but Asuka ignored her and rushed to her room, where she locked the door.

"Damnit, Asuka, open up!" Misato said, standing by her door "What happened!? Did someone hurt you!?"

Placing her ear close to the door, Misato could listen intently what was going on inside the redhead's room. What she heard didn't help her ease at all. Instead of the usual mayhem that would come when Asuka was enraged or hurt, Misato couldn't pick anything up now. Nothing at all.

Wait.

There was something. Something faint, almost indistinguishable. But it was there. Misato raised her head, shock all over her face 'It can't be...'

Sobbing. She could hear sobbing. Asuka was crying.

This left Misato with few options. She could get her spare keys and enter Asuka's room anyway, which could be detrimental, if Asuka wanted to be alone right now. The German girl didn't like people bothering her when she wanted some time by herself. But on the other hand this was the first time Misato had seen her cry. If not, Misato could simply let her be for now. But this could be one of the very few times when Asuka could accept someone's help.

The worst thing was that Misato actually didn't know what had happened to Asuka. She doubted Asuka had gotten on a fistfight, even with the girl's bloody knuckles. Most likely Asuka had punched someone. But then again, why was she crying? Who could have caused that much harm, even after Asuka hit him or her?

Crap.

There was someone that fit that description perfectly. Misato quickly got her cell phone out and called for Section 2. She didn't bother with pleasantries when she got an answer.

"This is Captain Katsuragi. I want to know where the Second Child went after her synch test this afternoon."

The answer was short and concise, and it told her everything she needed to know.

Shinji Ikari's prison cell.

.

Misato entered the dark cell one more time. This time she wouldn't bother arguing philosophy with Shinji, nor with asking him to pilot again. She would ask him what had he done to Asuka, and she would get her answers one way or another. Walking to Shinji's mattress, where the boy was laying now, Misato prepared herself for a tough chat with the boy.

Shinji spotted her and sat. And Misato was left in shock once again.

"What the hell..."

Of all the things to find, a beaten up Shinji was one of the last in Misato's mind. But this wasn't your average fight marks; this was a thorough, brutal beating that left Shinji in a very bad shape. Misato was stunned; the sight of a wrecked Shinji striking her as odd in her mind. The boy was so cold that seeing him in this state was surprising. But that was...

"Well, Misato, are you going to say something or your just going to keep staring at me?" Shinji finally snapped, effectively interrupting Misato's inner musings.

"Asuka did this to you?" Misato asked bewildered.

"Yes," Shinji said simply, no trace of bitterness in his voice.

"And you didn't try to stop her?" Misato asked again, completely thrown off guard. Shinji wasn't the kind of guy that let himself be stepped on, his refusal of NERV - quite possibly the most powerful organization on the planet - being the best example. And Asuka didn't even have a scratch when she got to her room, which meant she hadn't been harmed in any way. Misato knew that Asuka was a good fighter, but she wasn't that good.

"No," Shinji said, again resorting to monosyllables.

"Why?" Misato was beyond herself now. It was vital for her to understand what exactly had Shinji done if she wanted to help Asuka in any way "Why didn't you defend yourself?"

Shinji inhaled painfully before talking.

"To become the living personification of everything she doesn't want to hear, of everything she has constantly denied to herself. It is only natural that she hates me. But by letting her punch me, I prove that I am right," Shinji explained with focused coldness, impervious to Misato's stupefied face at his own wickedness. But Shinji wasn't done. He knew what he had done, and what he could do right now if he played correctly. He moved on with calm anger "Now she doesn't have the benefit of anger to deceive herself, now she has to think about what I said. She no longer can shield herself by thinking about how much she despises me, nor how much she would like to hurt me. She knows that I wasn't lying, since I let her beat me up just to prove my point. And now she has nothing to hold herself onto to deny my words; now she'll be forced to endure alone."

Misato's jaw fell open at Shinji's last words. The idea was correct - letting Asuka punch him to render her unable to escape his words was an effective strategy - but the incredible coldness of the concept was stunning. And even more shocking was the act in itself. It was simply disgusting.

"You perverse monster..."

Sometimes it was curious to Misato how Shinji didn't react to certain extremely offensive claims and sometimes he did with surprising vehemence. Those were her thoughts when Shinji clenched his fists and snarled in fury, giving her a look of utmost hatred.

Shinji spoke with completely unrestrained anger.

"I am the monster now?" Shinji hissed "You bastard. You sick bastard. Look at the state I left her in. Look at what I did to her, only with the truth," his fury now gave way to a cold hatred that was chilling to the bone, as it spoke of desire of revenge with every word "Now you can look at Asuka Langley Soryu in the eye and see past the lies you and NERV built for her and yourselves. Look what pathetic creature you made of a person that could have been something else. Now you no longer have her hypocrisy to help you hide from the real things you do in this place. Now you can't see yourself as the brave heroes anymore. It took me less than half an hour to crush her, that weak you left her," again his voice rose, the hatred concealed with anger "And you dare to come here and talk to me like I am the one that hurt her? I only showed her the truth."

Silence reigned in the cell, leaving Misato to her own inner musings. The worst of it all, Misato decided, was the fact that Shinji was a little too accurate for comfort. Misato herself had seen how lonely Asuka had been during her childhood, and had wondered why things were that way... But Asuka had always seemed so strong, even if Misato did wonder if that wasn't merely a façade for the girl's wounded self. Apparently it was. And that left Misato full of guilt, guilt at her own incompetence and selfishness, because she never tried to reach out and help Asuka, even if she had known about the girl's desperation deep down...

Shinji wasn't done. Misato's lack of a response seemed to infuriate him, seeing how his claims went unanswered, and how no one could defend what they had done even for a few moments.

"You goddamned bastards. How many lives will you ruin before feeling satisfied? How dare you talk like righteous people?" Shinji said hoarsely, his anger getting the better of him. The young man sighed deeply, clutching his ribs with one hand while trying to calm himself. He then turned to look Misato in the eye, coldness written all over his face, and fury sparking in his eyes, so much that Misato's own anger was dwarfed in comparison. Shinji spoke one last time.

"Do I really need to repeat myself? Remember, Misato, I am merely a reflection of your own dark deeds."

Realizing that she wouldn't get anything more out of this talk, Misato turned to leave. Shinji wouldn't repeat everything he'd said to Asuka after all.

Misato left the cell, angry at Asuka, angry at Shinji, angry at NERV and this damned situation they were in. Couldn't things go well for once in their lives? Did Asuka really need to go looking for Shinji, even after Misato's warnings? And why did Shinji have to be such a complete bastard, heartless enough to hurt a person that he didn't even know?

Above all, she was angry with herself. Because even if Shinji was a complete jerk, he did raise valid points. Misato wasn't as unreasonable as to pay no heed to his words, and it was true that Shinji hadn't lied so far. At least not to her. And if his words were so harmful, then that meant that there were many dark facts about NERV, and things that Misato despised. The Marduk institute was not free from guilt; Shinji had been chosen at age four after all. And he was right, the pilots weren't tools, they were persons, even if NERV didn't see them that way. It made her angry that she didn't see this for herself, without the need of Shinji coming here and throwing it in her face.

But she had to take care of some things for now. Misato had to know what exactly Shinji had said to Asuka. She would look into the recordings of the cell for that.

First things first, though. She had to get Shinji a fucking medic.

* * *

Misato watched the entire recording in a secluded room without saying a word. Then she replayed it. And then one more time. Her face didn't show any emotion during the plays. She was on the part when Asuka screamed and started beating Shinji up for the fourth time when she finally stopped. Getting up from her chair, Misato walked to the door with one thought in mind.

Shit.

* * *

Shinji sat on his bed with a pained groan. After his talk with Misato, he had been led to some doctors that had patched him up a bit, but after that he had been taken back to his cell. That had happened a few hours ago, and he still felt completely sore from the bruises and the pain. But at least he wasn't the one that had taken the worst damage...

Shinji's thoughts were cut short by something he didn't expect.

The door opened, light entering the dark cell. One petite frame could be distinguished there, revealing a thin female body, the body of a teenager.

Rei Ayanami entered the cell and stared at Shinji Ikari. The girl was unblinking; the boy was unsettled after his long time in the darkness. Neither of them spoke for a while.

"You..." Shinji started to say, his eyes having grown used to the light by now "you are that girl, the one that was injured... you are Ayanami Rei, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Neither of them said anything. Shinji stared at the girl intently, Rei doing the same with her disturbingly expressionless eyes. Shinji took notice that the girl was still injured: she had one arm in a cast, and her hear head was still bandaged. Still, she was in better shape than during their first encounter.

"So, what do you want here?" Shinji said finally. The boy was coldly eyeing the bluehead, but Rei was completely unfazed by that. Rei kept silent for some time, and Shinji started to wonder if the girl was going to respond when she spoke.

"Why did you refuse to pilot?"

It had been said in the same monotone voice she had used when identifying herself as Rei Ayanami. It didn't carry any emotion, just plain words that held a meaning in the Japanese language. Blue eyes locked with red ones, neither of them trying to stare down the others, but trying to understand them instead.

Shinji leaned forward and his eyes narrowed a bit.

"Why would I tell you that?"

"Don't you want to live?"

The answer had been so fast and cold that left Shinji deep in thought about the girl in front of him. She just didn't get upset, nor did she raise her voice. Such lack of emotions was almost unnatural in a human being.

Yet Shinji didn't falter.

"Yes," he spoke in a low, cold and calm tone.

"If you don't pilot, then it is unlikely that you will keep living," Rei reasoned with the same cold logic Shinji tended to apply.

Again, nothing. There was no tension, no raging stares, no loud words. There was nothing. Shinji leaned back and supported his back on the wall.

"I want to live, yet I cannot forget some other things as well," Shinji said.

This was getting into some sort of cryptic game. One short question would get one simple answer, and that would be it. Still, there was a deeper meaning to some of the words being spoken. Yet neither of the participants would explain his or her reasons, making the talk almost pointless, or so it would seem.

"Do you hate Gendo Ikari?"

Shinji raised his head and stared intently at the girl in front of him. She was brilliant, he recognized. The only thing he had gotten out of her was a simple 'yes'. The rest had been constant questioning on her part. Not only that, she was very skilled at asking her questions as well. She hadn't gone with the most immediate question after his sharp response, switching topics with unsettling speed and dexterity. Her calmness was a weapon she used - perhaps not consciously - with impressive ability.

"Yes."

She was in front of him in less than a second. Cold red eyes met cold blue ones, the former flashing with sharpness and the latter with bitterness.

.

Slap.

.

She was a hard hitter. And she had hit him just where Asuka had stricken him for the first time, right in his face. Shinji clutched his left cheek with his hand, looking at Rei with surprised, but somehow dark eyes. The boy stood up slowly.

"Why did you do that?"

Only silence was his response. Rei didn't move. She didn't even blink. Shinji had been close to hitting her after she slapped him. He didn't mind getting beaten up by Asuka, not if that was to prove his point and make her crumble even more. But being slapped in the name of Gendo Ikari was something he could not stand. Yet his coldness had paid of, as he could always restrain himself. It was one of his most treasured abilities.

"Why do you pilot?"

"It is my bond."

"Bond?"

"My bond with everyone."

Again, nothing at all. No emotion, no passion, no intensity. Just a plain girl with red eyes.

"What do your parents say about that?"

"I do not have any parents."

This was new, Shinji thought. After realizing how his parents had used him, he applied the same logic in Soryu to try and figure her past out. It was easier to control someone if their loved ones cooperated with that as well, hence his questioning of the Second Child's parents involvement with NERV. But this girl was different, and Shinji could see that she was too smart to be understood in just one meeting. Her having no parents was an unexpected turn, and Shinji could not find a way to get into her mind and comprehend her reasoning.

"You are very strange, Ayanami."

She blinked. But that was it.

"Don't you seek to understand the man you hate?" she asked suddenly.

Again, a question that wasn't daring in the common sense, just justified by logic. It compelled to be answered since it was only logical to try and learn about the man he hated. Yet it was very straight to the point in its own way, since it was very close to reveal the reasoning in Shinji's mind.

"To do so I would have to give up my freedom."

"Yet you do not have freedom."

Neither of them had spoken with emotion, but there was something interesting and unsettling at the same time to Shinji. Rei had countered his words with uncanny speed, not trying to figure out his words like most would have done. She had dealt with his reserved words in the same indirect approach that left him to answer her and not vice versa.

"I have only lost my physical freedom. But understanding would make me lose everything I still have."

.

.

At last. She had blinked, and her eyebrows had risen a few millimetres. That was enough to reveal her surprise. She seemed really confused - although her face had remained almost entirely expressionless - and her eyes looked at him, really looked at him, searching for something else in his words. But Shinji said nothing. This had been a very unsettling encounter for him as well.

Rei turned and walked to the door, her back towards Shinji. The door opened, and all Shinji could see now was her dark silhouette in the blinding light.

"We don't have anything."

The door closed, and darkness was upon him again. Shinji sat on his mattress and leaned on the wall. Her tone, her demeanour, her last comment, it had all been very intriguing, yet extremely hard to decipher as well. She had no parents and she claimed that she didn't have anything, yet her reason to pilot was that of a bond with everyone. But then, if she didn't have anything, how could she talk of a bond with people? Had she been brainwashed? The thought unsettled Shinji: if this girl had been brainwashed, then he was a positive candidate to get the same treatment. So far NERV had done nothing else than isolate him; that was fine to Shinji, since he was free to think a lot about what he had heard concerning him and the other pilots and members of NERV. It gave him time to figure more things out.

Two things he had gotten out of this talk: she seemed to hold Gendo Ikari in high esteem - he would look into that if he saw her again - and she had been utterly confused by the thought of another type of freedom that excelled that of the physical kind. She was very smart, so the problem didn't lay in lack of intellectual capacity to understand such an idea. No, maybe she never had any kind of freedom at all.

Being isolated for so long did have a bad side as well: Shinji couldn't help but over think things, analyzing everything in his mind to the point that almost everything seemed a conspiracy. He was obsessed with his past now, trying to figure if NERV had tried to manipulate him in his home town as well.

Shinji cursed under his breath. He wanted to leave, yet he couldn't stop making discoveries about NERV and its crew. And every discovery tied him tighter to this place. He was at odds with himself in this: he couldn't stop finding things out, yet that meant him loosing his most treasured thing, freedom. What a vicious loop.

A curse was heard in the cell. There he was, over thinking things again. Sighing, Shinji lay down in his mattress and tried to get some sleep.

* * *

Uncomfortable couldn't even begin to describe this moment in Misato Katsuragi's life. Sitting with Asuka in their apartment in the Geo Front while eating dinner - usually came from NERV's cafeteria, since Asuka refused to eat Misato's wonderful food - was usually a nice time, with both females talking about things and how males overall sucked. But not tonight.

Misato wasn't surprised, but that didn't make it one bit easier. Eating in complete silence - that silence being born from complete tension and worry - was not a good thing. Misato knew she had to talk to Asuka, but she didn't know where to start. She should give the redhead a lecture, and she was going to, but she didn't know how to do it, not after seeing the way Shinji had crushed her earlier on.

"I visited Shinji today," Misato started calmly, noticing Asuka flinch at her words. The Captain was ill at ease, but she wasn't the type of person to leave important things unsaid, no matter how bad they were. She hated this as much as Asuka, but she wouldn't run away from it. Seeing Asuka keep her silence, Misato went on "I had to send him to the medical bay to get his injuries treated, you know," but Asuka still said nothing. Realizing that she was going in circles, Misato decided to get to the point, no matter how much she wanted to avoid it and the argument that would come soon after "Asuka, do you realize that you broke several international laws when you beat him up? You brutalized an unarmed prisoner!"

Asuka wasn't the kind of person to silently take being dressed down. She had every reason to be angry now, and she showed it. Standing up, Asuka faced Misato with fury.

"Don't take me as stupid, Katsuragi!" the redhead shouted, making Misato shrink back in surprise "Shinji isn't a regular prisoner, you don't have the right to keep him here! Just the fact that he is still on the Geo Front is illegal! You are already breaking several international laws with him, so don't try to make me feel guilty after you kidnapped him!"

Misato sat stunned at Asuka's outburst. Normally Asuka was among the first to take NERV's side when it came down to laws, realizing that NERV's authority overrode almost everything else due to the extremely important task they had to perform. She would put NERV's needs first before international bureaucracy, since without NERV there wouldn't be a humanity to abide by laws. If NERV needed a pilot, Asuka wouldn't question the methods used to meet that need; she had shown that clearly when talking to Touji Suzuhara. But now here she was, taking Shinji's side.

Then Misato recalled some of the last comments Shinji had said to Asuka.

_'I am the first person in your life that speaks against NERV, and you can't counter me' 'Between you and me, you are the biggest victim here.'_

_'You are the biggest victim here.'_

No. Misato realized what was going on. Shinji's words had probed deeper than she had thought. Asuka's faith in NERV had been seriously challenged, and the redhead wouldn't turn a blind eye on the morally grey things NERV did anymore. Now she would question everyone just as she was questioning herself. This wasn't good, not now. They needed someone strong in the battlefield right now, not a girl filled by doubts. Misato got angry with all this again, and her anger made her loose her temper as well. Having the need to blame someone for this, she snapped.

"Asuka, I told you not to go looking for Shinji! I warned you that he was up to no good!"

Asuka wasn't to be deterred by Misato, not that easily. The redhead's mood, already bad as it was, got only worse. She countered with angry passion.

"Shinji is nothing more than a little scheisse! Why wouldn't you want me to look for him, huh!? So I wouldn't hear anything nasty about you maybe?"

"No!" Misato shouted "Because I knew he would test all your resolve and I figured you wouldn't be mature enough to take it and move on! Because I feared that you would react just the way you did! You didn't have the right to beat him up like that!"

"Right!? How dare you talk to me about rights!? Did you have the right to imprison him? Do you have the right to keep him here? Did you have the right to take my childhood away from me? Did you have the right to keep me always underground in Berlin when I was a child? How many permissions would I have to ask for just to have a day off!? How many times you woke me in the middle of the night to perform even more tests!? You hypocrite! Don't you talk about rights! You didn't have the right to do what you did!"

Asuka fell into a panting silence, her eyes sparkling with fury. Misato was left speechless as well. It was the first time Asuka ever complained, truly complained about the way NERV had treated her during her life. And the worst thing was, she was right in many, if not all the issues she had stated. Misato had seen herself how the Second Child had been pushed to overachieve, how the people in charge of her had simply seen a pilot and a soldier instead of a little girl. Asuka's words probed deep in Misato, and the older woman felt compelled to answer, maybe out of spite, maybe out of an attempt to bring some discipline into the young pilot, maybe out of the need to just say something.

"...You gave us the right to do that when you accepted to become a pilot."

Dead silence followed her words. Neither of them said anything for some time, both trying to out glare the other. As Asuka turned and left angrily, Misato started to think. Her last answer had been fragile as best... how could she talk about Asuka giving everything up in a contract with NERV when she was barely five years old? She wasn't old enough to make such decisions... and NERV had taken advantage of that with masterful precision. Shinji had been right when telling Asuka that she had been forced into piloting. She had been forced by very subtle, but terribly effective means.

Asuka slammed the door to her room and threw herself on the bed. Misato's words had been true after all... it was Asuka herself that had given NERV the right to do the things they did. Even more, she was glad for that, no matter how bothersome the training could be at times. But she had always seen herself as a warrior, an elite child chosen because she was special and talented, and her hard work had seen to her remaining all those things. But Shinji represented a direct threat to all that. He was everything she wasn't, or that was what she thought at first... now she wasn't sure what she was anymore.

After her fight with Shinji Asuka was at a lost about what to do anymore, or what to think. Everything she believed had been crushed, all her strengths challenged, all her talent denied. Everything she took pride in now looked void, useless, and deceitful. She didn't believe Shinji, but she could no longer believe NERV. Her life was the ultimate proof of what NERV was, that she saw clearly now. Yes, her life...

A complete mess. A heartless mess.

Asuka got up from her bed and started pacing back and forth in her room. She didn't know what to do now, where to go. She could leave NERV... on the other hand, it was stupid to leave her life's work just for one talk with Shinji. But... was this really her life's work? Shinji had been right, it had been forced upon her... but she had put everything of her in this too, didn't that make it her merit as well? She had honestly given her best for this... this damned lie. But she had done it by herself, which made it real in some way.

Verdammt. She was tired of thinking things through over and over again and getting nowhere. This was like some damned loop, and she couldn't find a way out, a way to fix it.

But... there was one thing she could do, simple as it was. Something had been nagging her for a while now, something she could straighten for once.

Yes, she would do it. Asuka decided she would go to the surface tomorrow. There was something to take care of there.

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi was having a bad day. The worst thing was that lately every day was a bad day. Not even Asuka's arrival had lightened the mood for long, not after the German's chat with Ikari. 'That damned boy' Ritsuko mused. He couldn't even play his role for once, no, he had to refuse and on top of that he had to fuck everyone else up as well. She would hold him at gunpoint and tell him to pilot or die if it were up to her; Shinji wasn't on her good grades after what happened to Gendo. And now it looked like they were short on pilots once more: all the pride Asuka seemed to have had vanished, and it wouldn't be long before her synch ratio went that way too.

'And the Fourth Child refused as well...' Ritsuko sighed. Commander Ikari's scenario had gone to hell; not even the children he had chosen acted as expected. Both him and Ritsuko had selected the most promising candidates after watching them in school. Suzuhara had been the best of them all, followed closely by a girl named Hikari Horaki and a boy called Kazuo Matsuda. But the problem was that now every candidate hated NERV with a passion. Both Suzuhara and Horaki had lost relatives after the first battle, and on top of that they were on speaking terms, which meant that Horaki now knew about how NERV had treated Touji. No, she wouldn't accept. And NERV couldn't afford to create a tendency with another pilot that refused. They would have to look for another candidate.

Matsuda was out of the question. He would leave the next day with his kid sister, which was in perfect health. NERV couldn't bribe him with medics, nor could they try the approach of 'pilot to protect your loved ones' since it seemed that they couldn't protect anyone.

There was only one choice. Ritsuko sighed. Only one candidate fit to pilot as of now. Only one that wouldn't refuse.

It was settled then. She would inform Fuyutsuki. They had to get the only pilot candidate that still had an interest in NERV. It was far from perfect, but it was the only choice they had.

* * *

Asuka walked briskly trough the corridors of the school. Several refugees turned to look at her - understandable, she was beautiful after all - but she paid no heed to them. She was here looking for someone else. After her talk with Shinji, Asuka had been crushed. She still didn't know what to think about things, she needed more time. But for now, she wanted to at least set something right, the only thing she was sure she had been wrong.

There he was. Asuka walked to him.

"You again," Touji Suzuhara spoke with resentment, his face showing his rage.

"Yes, me" Asuka said, standing in front of him with shining eyes "I'll be brief, so don't interrupt me and don't ask stupid questions."

Touji was about to say something, obviously upset with Asuka's imposing words, but the redhead raised one hand and silenced him before starting to speak herself.

"I still disagree with your refusal," Asuka started clearly "because you can't turn your back on everyone like this. But yet I also want you to know that despite my disagreement with you I'm sorry for saying the things I said before. I didn't know you had lost your sister, and I thought you were just trying to avoid getting into the EVAs because you didn't dare to fight. I was wrong - and don't you ever expect me to say that again - so I'm sorry, okay? I just didn't know about your sister."

Touji stared at her, too stunned to say something. Yet Asuka was sure she had seen a spark of agreement in his eyes. Not knowing what else to do, and hating the fact that she looked like an idiot standing there, the redhead turned and walked away. But someone called her from behind. Turning around, she saw the bespectacled boy from before, which had heard the exchange between her and Suzuhara.

"Is NERV still looking for pilots?" the boy asked, not noticing the dark look his friend was giving him.

"Yes."

That said, Asuka walked away and left the school. One less thing to think about. If only composing herself could be as easy as this.

* * *

Kensuke Aida walked to the principal's office with anxious steps. He had been called without any type of warnings as to what to expect, which increased his nervousness. But he was eager. Could it be...? Could it really be...?

Kensuke had thought things through after Touji's refusal. His dream had always been to become a pilot, to be one of the heroic defenders of Earth. But lately the brave heroes seemed to have a harsher side that wasn't there before. They had failed the first time, and now it seemed that they were desperate for pilots. Well, if this was, if this really was them asking him to pilot, he wouldn't refuse. Kensuke was a friend of Touji, but he had his own ideals to stand for. He would fight to protect mankind; he would die to protect mankind if need be. And if he died, he hoped that he was at least given a soldier's funeral. That way he would go down with glory.

Well, here he was. This was it. Kensuke opened the principal's office door and got inside.

There was a blond woman sitting in a chair nearby. She was wearing a lab coat, and when Kensuke entered she regarded him with calculating eyes.

"Kensuke Aida?" the doctor woman asked after a few seconds of tense silence. Receiving a nervous nod in response, the woman extended him a small card and said "I am Doctor Ritsuko Akagi of NERV. I'm here to tell you that you are being officially drafted to NERV as a pilot."

Kensuke didn't give a damn about her cold tone and harsher words. He was going to become a pilot at last.

* * *

It was dark when Kozou Fuyutsuki stumbled in his quarters. The aging professor was feeling the effects of an upset stomach and dizziness, but that wasn't due to the bottle of Jack Daniels in his right hand. His disgust was due to something far worse than liquor.

Even though he was making slight zig zags in his walk, Kozou managed to sit on his couch in the living room. He was dazed, his chest heavy with shame and disgust. The madness of the last days was getting to him; he could no longer placate himself knowing that things were really in Gendo's hands. He was a pawn no longer, having been promoted to the position of a player. And playing this ruthless game came with the price of guilt.

Rei Ayanami, Asuka Soryu, Shinji Ikari, and now Kensuke Aida. All their lives had been destroyed, and soon NERV would claim even more from them. Shinji had been the only one to fight back, and his present circumstances were the worst of them all.

'Such madness...' Fuyutsuki sighed, trying to clear his thoughts in the matter.

Fuyutsuki wondered if this was how things had been all along, and he was just realizing about it right now. With Gendo here, everything seemed controlled, ruthless and efficient. With Shinji here, everything was a mess. But Fuyutsuki couldn't help but like the boy a bit, albeit a little one. He had spoken to him several times already, and so far he hadn't suffered the disastrous consequences the Commander, Katsuragi and the Second Child had. The trick was simple: he regarded Shinji with respect and simply talked to him, exchanging thoughts and little bits of information. Fuyutsuki had done so out of an attempt to bond with the boy to make him pilot later, but that idea had died after their first talk. Shinji was Yui's son after all... and Fuyutsuki couldn't help but see the things Gendo and himself had caused to the boy. It was then that the old professor got curious about the young Ikari, and then their meetings stopped being a battle of minds to become very interesting talks about the past of one another. Shinji had always been reserved about that. The reason was obvious, he didn't trust him...

'Of course he doesn't,' Fuyutsuki hiccupped 'He has every reason not to...'

Well, that would end right now. The alcohol helping him overcome his inhibition, Fuyutsuki decided to tell Shinji a few truths about his mother. He would make sure the young boy stopped seeing her as a monster once and for all. What Shinji decided to do next wasn't his problem now. He would set things right this time.

His mind made up, Fuyutsuki splashed his face with some water and left the apartment, intent on meeting the cold son of his best student.

.

The guard opened the door and Fuyutsuki got inside the dark tiny cell. Shinji was awake. Fuyutsuki supposed that the young Ikari was now completely unaware of the time, which wasn't that surprising considering that he hadn't seen the light of the surface for weeks as of now. Fuyutsuki went to the side of Shinji's bed and stood in front of the boy, while the latter sat up and fixed his sight on him.

"I've seen you in better shape, Professor," Shinji said, eyeing the old man sharply, a faint trait of amusement and something worse in his eyes. It was a glint so similar to those of Gendo that Fuyutsuki almost got a small shiver.

"The last days have been somewhat hectic," Fuyutsuki answered mildly "I suppose that's finally taking its toll on me. But I doubt you will look this well when you are my age."

Shinji smirked with slight amusement. His talks with Fuyutsuki had been interesting so far. The old man seemed used to deal with people like him, since he was an expert when it came down to avoiding arguments. Shinji didn't want to think about the possibility that said skill might come from dealing with Gendo.

"What brings you here then?" Shinji asked neutrally. It was clear that the old man had come with intent; his dishevelled appearance pretty much said so. He wouldn't come in such a state just to make small talk.

"I've come to talk about your mother, Shinji," Fuyutsuki said clearly. The boy went silent, his face grim now, his eyes now very focused "You see, Shinji," Fuyutsuki said, the alcohol not hindering him in the least, not when it came down to talking. Even better, it seemed to be helping him "I met your mother a few years before the Second Impact. She was my student, a brilliant woman that even at the time was starting to develop theories that were literally changing the world as it was," Fuyutsuki's voice dropped a bit, as his eyes gained a far away look; nostalgia filled his words, and sorrow "We parted ways just before the Second Impact, and when I found her again, she was married and had a young boy with her," Fuyutsuki's voice drop so much that it became difficult to hear "I had never seen her so happy... never in my life. She loved you more than anything else. She wanted to build an entire world for you," Fuyutsuki sighed and went silent. Shinji said nothing. The darkness of the cell engulfed them both.

Curious as it was, the alcohol gave Fuyutsuki the strength to carry on. He was so... crushed by things. Overwhelmed by them. Gendo had been such a monster that he had destroyed everything. Everything Yui had built. His sorrow at the current state of things drowned him, and yet Fuyutsuki found himself speaking more and more; the fire in his chest amplified, and he talked because he couldn't stop. So much sadness. So much fire. He raised his head and looked at Shinji. The boy was quiet, but his eyes weren't. They were filled with passion. Yes, passion, passion that soon would be devoted to Yui Ikari, the woman that had given everything for him. Shinji was smart, and he would understand... he would understand the price of sacrifice, and therefore he would finally understand Yui Ikari, his mother. Never again would he think of her as a monster.

Fuyutsuki straightened up and found himself talking before even thinking about it, making gestures with his hands to aid his words and his tale.

"Shinji... do you know what caused the Second Impact?" Had Fuyutsuki been completely sober, he would have noticed Shinji's slight gestures as he snapped to attention. Nothing about him seemed to change, but his jaw had tightened. His eyes were sparkling, and his muscles were suddenly tense "It wasn't a meteor. That was a cover up made by the United Nations to avoid a full scale war and international conflicts. In reality, an Angel caused Second Impact. ADAM, the father of them all, annihilated half of the human race in a matter of seconds. We know this because an expedition had gone to Antarctica, where ADAM lay dormant. But the creature awoke and detonated..." Fuyutsuki shook his head, trying his hardest not to recall all the details from those dark times. Sitting on his bed, Shinji was extremely tense. He was getting a lot of answers, from one of the most unlikely sources of them all... "The UN covered the truth because if word got out that a God-like being had been found and detonated, the rest of the human race would have gone to war, for as many reasons as you can count. And even with the UN's lie of a meteor, the world entered in the most insane of times. Wars exploded everywhere, another billion humans died... it was hell on Earth. And so people like Yui Ikari started to work."

A very heavy, very tense and sad silence came upon them both. Neither of them spoke for some time. The sorrow was too grand for Fuyutsuki to continue, and he almost choked. For Shinji, this was the answers he was looking for. He was about to learn about the true meaning behind his parents' action in this dark, dirty cell. Somehow, that seemed fitting. Yes, he would learn about what they wanted in a dark cell meant to imprison him, much like they had wanted. But he said nothing, letting his mind focus entirely on what Fuyutsuki was saying, knowing than this would be very useful in the future. He was gaining leverage with every word he heard.

"Yui worked to help build a better world for you," Fuyutsuki went on "Yui wanted to create a world where you'd never know the pain we had to endure; Evangelion was the product of her work, the ultimate tool to shape mankind into something new; created to help and protect the survivors of the Impact from Angels, from each other, from themselves... that was why she created EVA. To protect you, to help you," Fuyutsuki fell into a longing silence, missing the scowl in Shinji's face. Unaware of the boy's rage, Fuyutsuki added "She would give you everything... She would create an entire world just for you."

Fuyutsuki turned to look at Shinji and went silent at the boy's expression. He had just claimed that Shinji's mother had done the impossible over and over again just for him, and yet Shinji only showed disgust? Maybe it was the alcohol in his blood, but Fuyutsuki felt at a loss about what to say or think.

Shinji didn't. He talked in a tone that reeked strong hatred, but not rage. It was scorn.

"And what about what I wanted? What about the simplest of wishes any child has? What about what lay in front of her all along?" it was the simplest of questions. Shinji almost felt ridiculous for having to ask. He went on with exasperation, although his voice was now gaining anger like he hadn't felt since his first night in NERV "This doesn't even count as common sense. This comes even earlier than that. This is instinctual knowledge. If you want to help a child, if you love him, you stay with him. That's all a child will want. Your love and support. No child will care about your work or dreams of grandeur, not even if said work is made on his behalf. A child will want a mother, not a scientist that wants to change the entire world for him! A child will want someone to love him, not a huge machine of death created to make the world better!" Shinji waited for an answer, but none was coming. There simply was nothing that could be said about that. The young boy snarled "Such arrogance, in thinking that she could change the world... If she truly did it for me, then she only needed to stay with me. If she really loved me, she only had to be with me."

Crushing as they had been, Shinji's words gave Fuyutsuki an opening. He took it without a second thought.

"But that's precisely it, Shinji. Yui did want to stay with you. She built the EVAs knowing that they would protect mankind and that you would be among the ones to pilot them. Yui wanted you to be a part of this since the beginning, but Gendo disagreed. Shinji, you must not hold any hard feelings for your mother, she only wanted the best for you, and she was going to be with you every step of the way."

"So, it was true after all," Shinji said lowly "What my father said when I got here... My mother wanted me to pilot since the very beginning."

"Yes, what Gendo said when you came here was true. Yui knew that you were meant to pilot the EVAs. It was Gendo the one that decided to send you away."

Shinji said nothing, silently taking what he had been said. Not knowing about the young man's feelings, Fuyutsuki kept trying to make his point across.

"Shinji, I know the circumstances are dire at best," Fuyutsuki went on loudly, his voice clear and calm "But you have to consider the fact that parents don't always make the right choices regarding their children. Gendo decided to send you away to keep you from all of this, and in doing so he condemned you to this place, to be completely unprepared to fulfil your task, the task your mother designed," the old man gained strength as he talked, trying to explain this vital point to his young interlocutor "Shinji, maybe Yui was wrong in getting absorbed so much in her work and neglecting you, but you have to consider that she still did it all for you. And even considering Gendo's mistakes in raising you, you still have a responsibility to her, for what she did for you. Just as parents have a responsibility to help their children, children have a responsibility to help their parents. You may hate your father, but there's still your mother to be considered. Would Yui want you to sit by and let her work be for nothing?"

Shinji threw Fuyutsuki a weird look for a second. The Commander wondered what was going on in the boy's mind, but he was pretty sure there was nothing to be said after his words. Shinji would simply have to come to terms with things as they were.

Or not. Because the young Ikari started to speak again, refuting all the Commander's arguments one by one with a categorical tone.

"You are mistaken, professor. One's first responsibility doesn't come with the parents. A person's loyalties do not lie with them first. A truly strong person will start by being loyal to himself. If he isn't, how could he be loyal to others? What truth, what sincerity would be in following other's wishes, if the person isn't doing it willingly? How can someone be loyal if he isn't loyal to himself? How can someone love if he doesn't love himself? And how could someone be responsible to others if he doesn't learn to be responsible with himself?" Shinji's faraway look suddenly became present again, as his voice sharpened and his anger strengthened "My first responsibility lies with me, and no one else. I don't care about my mother's work, I don't care about this place she built. I disagree with her, and my responsibilities with myself are far more important than the ones I have with her, a woman that went into the incredibly arrogant crusade of changing the world for me when all I wanted was her. She betrayed me for her wishes, for her vision born from her bid for power. She wasn't loyal to me; why would I be loyal to her? Why would I have to carry on her arrogant legacy?"

Fuyutsuki was baffled at Shinji's words. Yet his mind failed him to come back with a response for the boy's claims. And yet, the human race was what it was due to its own legacy, and the responsibility to carry on.

"It's a person's duty to carry on what was legated to them! It's the way our race's always been!"

But Shinji didn't have any problems in challenging that too. Much like his defiance of NERV, rejecting tradition came naturally for him as well. The boy's voice arose as his words were filled with raging passion.

"Kozou, we are far too old as a culture, as a society, to say that everyone has the duty to carry on the parent's wishes! Every person must look after their own dreams! If the parents want the children to follow in their footsteps, then they must help them, teach them all they know, not lie and manipulate them! Let the children challenge them! Because the parents might be wrong! And tell me, what if they were? What if the parents were nothing else than blind fools, driven by their own insane ambitions?" Shinji's voice dropped a bit, while Fuyutsuki's heart began to sink. The Commander's mind started to ponder the possibility of Shinji being right, and that small flicker of doubt was enough for him to feel a crushing despair. But Shinji went on with a clear and completely focused tone "Every last living person has the right to refuse a legacy. If your parent was a murderer, would you murder too? If your parent was a rapist, would you rape too? My parents were madmen. I refuse to carry on their legacy, I refuse their madness. They will never have a lasting mark on this Earth."

That was too much for Fuyutsuki to take. Yui Ikari had been his best student. Yui Ikari had been the only light in a world of darkness. Shinji's claims were outrageous, and Fuyutsuki didn't want to hear them. But his last words had been too much, and the old professor, aided by the liquor, lost his cool and faced the boy in front of him with furious yells.

"Yui loved you! She wasn't a madwoman, she was a humanitarian! She wanted you to be the hero that would save mankind!"

Shinji didn't let himself be cornered by the commander. He was standing in a second, countering everything said at him with deadly efficiency and rage to match. Soon his words left the Commander stunned again, although the old man's anger didn't fade at all.

"My mother only wanted me as a tool to fulfil her vision of a better world! She was just pursuing her arrogant dreams of shaping mankind as she saw fit! How dare you tell me that I have the duty to carry on her wishes? Why? Why do I have to continue something that I never wanted, something that I hate with all my soul, just because a mad woman wanted it? Just because that mad woman gave birth to me? It's ridiculous! I'm not an extension of my mother; I'm not a tool to carry on what she wanted! I am myself, and I stand for what I want!"

And so the shouts gained power, as each man tried to beat the other; and yet Shinji yelled due to his anger, even when he had something to say, and Fuyutsuki yelled out of frustration at not being able to defend his position.

"How could you not want this!? How could you refuse the task your mother designed for you!?"

There was one instant of silence. Just a millisecond.

"The task she designed for me? _The task she designed for me!?"_ and Shinji finally lost his temper and shouted "And you tell me not to hate her, Kozou!?" Shinji said, his voice gaining hatred like no other Fuyutsuki had ever seen "She was the one responsible for all this! She was the one that decided that my life was worth nothing else than her cursed wishes! Tell me something: what right did my mother have to decide if I were to risk my life to pilot her damned creation!? What right did she have to decide what I would do with my life!? Who the hell did she think she was!? And you tell me that she wanted what was best for me!?"

The shouting match was quickly going into Shinji's favour. Fuyutsuki racked his brain for something to say, but he came out empty. The worst of all was that Shinji seemed to have a lot to say, enraged as he was.

"She knew the EVA would protect you! Yui was a good person!"

Soon that too was meaningless against Shinji. In his anger, the boy seemed overwhelming; there was no stop to his furious intelligence.

"A good person would send her son to die!? A good person would use her child to do what SHE wanted to do!? Didn't she think about the possibility of me NOT WANTING TO DO IT!? How dare you call her a good person!?"

Shinji punched the wall with all his might. His hand got instantly swollen, sporting now several cuts and bleeding from the impact. But the young man didn't even feel the pain, his body rigged with adrenaline, as he was feeling the most intense hatred he had felt in his life; such was the effect of his realization of the truth.

"You are your mother's son! You can't turn away from that!"

"I am my own person! Mother or not, she didn't have the right to decide what I should do with my life! She only had the right to decide what she would do, not me! How can you think that she was a good person, Fuyutsuki!? She was planning to use her own three years old child for her own ends!"

"That ends being the salvation of mankind!"

"From her point of view! I see things differently! And what's the point of mankind being saved, if we are ready to destroy our very own souls to do that! What of what you did to the Second Child!? She's a complete mess! You ruined our lives! Your generation brought us to the brink of ruin! You could have done a better job! Even if Yui Ikari wanted to save mankind, that still didn't gave her the right to decide what others should do with their lives! How dare she claim that I was born to do her bidding!"

Shinji turned and faced Fuyutsuki, still panting in anger. He then moved faster than Fuyutsuki would have given him credit for, rushing the old man and grabbing him by the neck of his business suit, fury all over his face. But he had now an extremely focused gaze, boring his eyes into the Commander's with an intensity the old man hadn't seen in a long time.

"Fuyutsuki!" Shinji said as his voice dropped a bit, loosing its utter fury but keeping the same focused intensity "You are the only one that seems to have the remains of a conscience here. Look back at what you've done, look at what the people you know has done. The way I see it, you are just a bunch of scientists that found themselves having far too much power, much more than what you should have had. So much power without anything to stop you, and you decided to play with the lives of your own children," Shinji released Fuyutsuki and turned to look away, lost in thought and yet still present, as if his outburst had given him an intense presence that couldn't disappear easily. Then Shinji turned to look at the Commander, speaking in a cold tone that spoke of anger and something that could resemble resignation and tiredness "Yui Ikari wasn't a good person. Yui Ikari couldn't have been a good person. A good person wouldn't have acted the way she did. She was a woman that got drunk with power, a person heartless enough to play her own schemes with the life of her son. My father was the same. From what I gather from the Second Child, she was treated the same way. Your generation, Fuyutsuki... your entire generation is made of devils. If you truly want to make amends, stop walking the same path. If you truly want to apologize to me, help me get rid of this damnation my parents cast on me. If you want my forgiveness and that of the people you damned, help me get my freedom. Stop this madness once and for all."

Shinji turned away from Fuyutsuki, still feeling the effects of his intense, buried anger. This was one of the first times in years he had lost his temper. But Fuyutsuki's revelations had taken him over the edge. He was disgusted at the incredible arrogance that had built this place; he was disgusted at his mother's sick ideals. Silence reigned in the cell, as Shinji stared at the floor with dark eyes and Fuyutsuki at him with a lost look.

Too drunk to think of an appropriate comeback, Fuyutsuki turned and left the cell. His liquor induced stupor didn't help him conceal the crushing feeling on his chest. Shinji had seen his weak points, and he had pressed them hard. He had realized that deep down Fuyutsuki wasn't as evil as Gendo - and Yui? - had been. And his next line of questioning had been the most logical one: why, if he wasn't as wicked as Gendo, had he helped NERV? Fuyutsuki felt old again, so overwhelmed by shame that he actually pondered about getting out his gun and blowing his brains out. But then Shinji's last lines came to his mind, and he realized that killing himself would do little to help. It may be even worse for everyone, as there was no way to know who the next commander of NERV would be.

'God helps them if SEELE puts Akagi in charge,' Fuyutsuki sighed.

There was one way to make amends, Shinji had seen clearly. He had to get Shinji's freedom. He had to redeem himself. One thing was clear: when Shinji spoke of his own freedom, he wasn't referring to getting out of that dirty cell. He had meant something far bigger.

Fuyutsuki threw up. Damn. It had been years since he had drunk this much. And yet, he wasn't sure if he had puked due to the alcohol or his disgust at his own actions.

* * *

It was a bright morning when Kensuke Aida was taken to NERV, entering the Geo Front via an underground tunnel. The sight of the vast dome had left him breathless for minutes, and the technician in charge of getting him to the main base had smiled...

In short, this was Kensuke's lifelong dream came true right in front of him.

They met the Director of Operations and definitely the hottest chick Kensuke had seen in his life when getting to the main base, Central Dogma. Oh, this was too good to be true.

"Hello Mister Aida, my name is Captain Misato Katsuragi and I am the Director of Operations of NERV," the woman had said, sounding calm and collected but with a faint smile on her - absolutely lovely - lips "I'll be your commanding officer during your time in service. You'll report to me from now on, is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Kensuke said, snapping into a salute. He was a military otaku; he did know how to show proper respect to one's superiors!

"A-all right," Misato was torn between chuckling and being scared of this kid. He looked like a complete fanatic "I'll tell you this just in case Mr. Aida, you are not a part of the military here. You are a Warrant Officer. You can salute me if you want to, but the other pilot's don't, so there's really no need to do it," Misato explained out of a good heart. She wanted this boy to feel a little less pressured; she had every reason to do so after what had been happening lately. If by hindering protocol just a bit she made him calm down, then so be it.

"I understand, ma'am," Kensuke said and relaxed. Oh, this was too much! Maybe if he managed to impress the Captain she would start seeing him as a hero! And things could go nicely from there on...

"Okay," Misato gave him a dazzling smile - she couldn't help but teasing him a bit "And please call me Misato. Ma'am makes me feel old, and I hope you don't find me too old. You don't, right?"

"N-No! Of course not!"

Misato smiled and Kensuke blushed. The Captain chuckled. Oh, this was way too easy.

* * *

"Doctor Akagi," Commander Fuyutsuki greeted the head of the Evangelion Project. The blonde woman gave him a slight smile. They didn't need to be that formal when alone.

"Commander," Ritsuko nodded briefly.

"Has the Fourth Child been brought to NERV already? Is he ready for the tests of the day?"

"Indeed he is," Ritsuko answered, briefly wondering why Fuyutsuki never used the phrase 'Status Report' when looking for an update. Was because it reminded him too much of Gendo? "We already outfitted him with a new plugsuit and I readied the EVAs for testing. It will be a long day for him and us."

"I assume you will test him in Unit 00," Fuyutsuki said.

"Actually, I was thinking of trying to get him to synch with Unit 01," Ritsuko said lowly. She was in charge of the EVAs and all the synch tests, but in the end the one to approve them was Fuyutsuki and Fuyutsuki alone.

"With Unit 01?" Fuyutsuki said harshly "You know as well as I do that Unit 01 won't accept him. Why would you put an untrained pilot in the most dangerous Unit of them all?"

"We need to know if there's any possibility of someone else than Shinji ready to synch with Unit 01," Ritsuko reasoned, her logic coming to the rescue "Rei can do it, but our combat capabilities would be greatly increased if we could assign her to Unit 00 alone. Besides, should the test fail, we'll simply get the Fourth Child out of Unit 01 and put him in Unit 00," Ritsuko knew she was right, and she was sure she could convince Fuyutsuki to see her point "We need Unit 01. We need pilots. The Fourth Child will have to do it; he will have to synch because it is what we need and there's no other choice."

Fuyutsuki almost shivered from the cold tone Akagi had used during her last words. He hated when she talked about the pilots as if they were nothing else than assets and tools. She had been exposed to Gendo far too long. But then he thought that this was a perfect way out for Shinji. Should they find another candidate fit to pilot Unit 01, the young Ikari would be useless to NERV and therefore there would be no need to keep him here. Still recalling his chat with Shinji the previous night - he had been drunk, but not drunk enough to forget everything - Fuyutsuki realized that this was a chance he couldn't let pass. He owed Shinji that much, in atonement for his own sins. And besides, the doctor had a point... what was the worst that could happen? Should Unit 01 reject the pilot, they would simply put him in another EVA.

"Very well," the Commander said "Carry on with your tests, Doctor."

* * *

'Dude, you get to pilot a huge mecha and save humanity... And you are complaining? Seriously, what a wimp...'

Those were exactly Kensuke Aida's thoughts after getting inside Unit 01's Entry Plug and recalling the fact that the previous candidate, Shinji Ikari, had refused to pilot during the first battle. Had Kensuke been in Ikari's place, he would have stepped in and piloted, ready to save everyone even if it cost him his life. Hell, this was a huge robot! How anyone in their right mind could refuse? But that didn't matter now. Kensuke was now a brave defender of mankind. He would show everyone what courage was. And, he thought with a small grin - he would visit Ikari later if he could. Just to watch the coward in the face.

"Kensuke, do you hear me?" Ritsuko asked calmly, looking at the boy's vital signs with a small frown.

"Loud and clear, Ma'am," Kensuke said excitedly. He couldn't help being thrilled by this experience, even if NERV was responsible for so much tragedy. He knew he would set things straight now; that's what he had been chosen to do "I am now an elite pilot, ready to protect the world. Everything is fine here."

"Good," Ritsuko said, keeping her voice in check. It wouldn't do to show any signs of sarcasm now - the boy could be far from perfect, but he was the best they got as of now. Pushing aside a brief and evil thought about what could happen to Kensuke if she introduced him to Shinji, Ritsuko let her professionalism take over and moved on "We are ready to start the test, Kensuke. I'll make the final checks and then we'll start. Don't worry; this is just a routine synch test. Asuka has done it countless times."

"Understood."

Ritsuko nodded to her assistants and the preparations began. Standing next to her, Misato had a grim face. She couldn't help but see this as completely wrong. When delivering Shinji Misato had seen the deep intelligence he had. She had seen how tough he could be. The same went with Asuka and Rei: they weren't normal teenagers. But this boy... this boy was nothing else but a simple kid. What she felt during the Suzuhara interview came back with intensified force; Suzuhara had at least stood up for himself... he was a normal person, but not a kid anymore. Kensuke Aida wasn't. He was a child that could only think about void things like glory and courage; he couldn't see the ugly side of things. Instead of realizing that he would be sent to war and possibly to death, he only saw a cool mecha he wanted to pilot. And NERV was taking advantage of that; they knew about his innocence and they used it to further their own ends.

'We are the monsters...'

"Insert the Entry Plug!" Ritsuko said and the test began. The plug went into Unit 01, disappearing inside the purple behemoth. Misato looked at the EVA and felt a small shiver go down her spine. Unit 01 had always chilled her, she didn't know why...

The technicians started reporting all stages of the test.

"Plug locked in place."

"Begin the first connection."

"Inject LCL into the plug."

"Don't worry, Kensuke," Ritsuko said professionally "The LCL will oxygenate your lungs directly. You can't drown in it."

"Understood, Ma'am," Kensuke said, albeit a little shakily. Gee, this was high tech stuff and that was cool, but it was disgusting too "I'm ready to take everything you say to complete my purpose," Ritsuko rolled her eyes and made a mental note to start looking for some other candidates that were less annoying, just for the sake of reducing stress.

The preparations went on smoothly.

"Connect the main power supply. Transmit power to all circuits."

"The second contact is beginning."

"The connection of the A10-Nerve Clips is operational."

"Very well," Ritsuko said clearly "Kensuke, everything is ready. The test will be starting now. Begin the synchronization!"

Everything was going fine. Misato looked at Ritsuko, then at the technicians. They all were making preparations, checking updates, looking at their screens. Everything seemed calm... nothing moved in the air.

And yet...

What was that? Why did she feel this way? Why was that sense of foreboding there...? Ritsuko... Misato looked at Ritsuko. The scientist looked normal. But it was something, she was sure of it. Something was out of place... something was wrong. Blond hair. Ritsuko wasn't a blond woman. Why Maya Ibuki admired her so much? And what the hell was the Bakelite? And the LCL? Why did she feel this way? What was wrong?

What was wrong?

It was an instant. One instant in which all her dark feelings were confirmed. One instant in which Misato looked at Ritsuko and saw her fears confirmed. One instant before the alarms.

The alarms began to ring, all the emergency lights flashing blinding red in the room. All the technicians went to their terminals and checked the pilot's status on the screens, frantically going over all the connections between the teenager and the gruesome creature the boy was trying to synch to.

And suddenly a scream pierced the air. A human scream.

"No!" Ritsuko yelled as if to drown the sound "Give me a status report!"

"The synchograph is reversing! All the pulses are flowing backwards!"

And now a new yell of pain filled the room, and the screen displayed Kensuke screaming and grabbing his head with both hands, and then something else happened.

His screams of pain were drowned by a new kind of roar. A roar of fury, produced by the purple behemoth inside the cages; a scream so terrible that the entire base was shook to its core, everyone in it stood up in an instant.

"Break all circuits! Block the flow!" Ritsuko ordered, as terrified as everyone in the base, but still cold enough to be professional about her task.

"We can't, it's not accepting the signal!" Maya said, trying to block her ears to the hideous screams. And now the shouting intensified, as the EVA's roars were mirrored by Kensuke's yells, adding to the madness of it all, echoing in the place, filling everyone's hearts with dread.

"What about the Fourth Child?" Ritsuko asked, still trying to stop the madness with calm science.

"His psychograph is going haywire! We can't make contact!"

"Get him out of there right now! Eject the entry plug! Disconnect the umbilical cable!"

Unit 01 let out a final terrible roar as the Entry Plug was ejected; it was a scream so powerful that everyone nearby was deafened for a few seconds, the world around them suddenly looking surreal, as if they were seeing all the frenzy around them in slow motion.

The Entry Plug crashed against the roof of the testing cage and fell, coming to the ground with great force and mirroring Rei's first accident a few weeks earlier. Unit 01 went silent soon thereafter, just a few seconds later after the Entry Plug was taken out.

Silence reigned for some seconds.

Misato shook her head a bit until her hearing returned. Taking a look around her, she saw that everyone in the room was still slightly stunned, all trying to get a grip on what had happened a few seconds ago.

Ritsuko was staring at the screens with a dreadful expression on her face; her eyes looked unbelieving, a spark of hysteria visible in them, as if the Doctor had been shaken to her core and she still didn't know how to come to terms with it. Misato saw all of this and suffered a split reaction: on one side she was worried for her long time friend. Ritsuko had been in NERV for years to prepare against the Angels, and now that the time had come she could only watch how everything around her collapsed: who wouldn't snap on such a time like this? But on the other hand, Misato could think of something else: was this really the time for her to worry about Ritsuko? They were forcing children into a war, and they were doing it with calmness, as if they were rightful people. And right now one of those children, the most innocent of them all, had suffered an accident. Was this really the time to pamper Ritsuko and worry about her?

Maybe it was due to the Doctor's cold words about the children lately, but Misato decided that this wasn't the time to worry about her.

"What just happened, Ritsuko?" Misato asked aloud, addressing the scientist with a cold and commanding tone.

Ritsuko remained silent, as if dumbstruck.

"I asked you what happened, Ritsuko!" Misato asked again. No one in the room dared to move.

Ritsuko said nothing.

Still unable to break her colleague's stupefied silence, Misato lost her temper and grabbed her by the shoulders, shouting furiously.

"What happened, Ritsuko!? Tell me what happened!"

"H-his..." Ritsuko spluttered "His m-mind... oh my god, his mind..."

"What!?" Misato asked, a feeling of dread growing inside her. She refused to believe what she was hearing. It couldn't be. This just couldn't happen to an innocent kid. Not like this.

"What... what happened to his mind? Ritsuko, answer me!"

The blonde doctor didn't answer. Instead, she simply pointed to the screens monitoring the pilot's psychograph. Sitting nearby, Maya Ibuki tried to dry the tears in her eyes. No one dared to move a muscle.

The psychograph was dead. Only a flat line was displayed.

Kensuke Aida's mind had been destroyed by Unit 01. His body was alive; his mind wasn't. He was as good as a vegetable now.

"No."

It was unthinkable. It was too much. Misato couldn't accept it.

"But... but you said this was safe for him! Ritsuko! You said that you had it under control! That this would never happen again!" but no answer was coming from the blonde woman. Misato looked around, looking for something that wasn't there, looking for some salvation, for something that could make things right, for something she didn't know anymore. But no hope was there for her. This was something no one could repair. And the silence gave way to anger, anger at the woman in front of her, at NERV, at everyone and herself "Ritsuko! Is this what we give our pilots in exchange for their courage!? Is this what we take from them!? What the hell went wrong with us!?" but the doctor remained silent, and the crushing feeling of guilt in the air increased, threatening to drown everyone in the room, the light in their hearts fading, overwhelmed by fear and hatred. Misato raised her head and shouted to the petrified doctor with fury "You murderer! Damn you!"

'Murderer?' her own mind chimed in 'She's a murderer, yes... but I am one too. I am a murderer too! Shinji...'

And the boy's words came back, his persona growing inside Misato's memories, increasing the feelings of desperation and anguish. Only one of Shinji's lines came clearly. Only one. But that was enough to send Misato down to the abyss.

_'Do you think you can make innocent underage civilians commit suicide for something you could have anticipated?'_

Misato yelled and threw up. She wasn't the only one.

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**Author Notes 2:**

And that's it for chapter three. It was originally meant to include a lot of things that I decided to leave out and get in the next chapter, and still it is about 14000 words long. I'm on a roll here. But the thing is, every time I read something that irks me somehow, I manage to include it here. And that's how this becomes so big, because it only takes a few phrases to make a new argument to be supported or refuted.

Next chapter is pretty much about Asuka, and we finally get to see the battle against the Fourth Angel. I really wanted to include that here, but this chapter would have been more than 25000 words long.

I've read plenty of fics that deal with Yui's agenda and how she wanted Shinji to become a pilot. In all of them Shinji accepts that with a smile and embraces Yui as a wonderful angel incapable of doing wrong. But both the Shinji of the anime and the Shinji of the manga hated the Evangelions. Considering that, I can't see how Yui wanting him to pilot could be a good thing. This chapter deals with that: this version of Shinji is cold enough not to give a damn about his mother, and in the end he is right in what he says, Yui didn't have the right to decide what he should do with his life.

As to Yui's ends, that's one of the most morally grey points of the story. Yes, she used Shinji - and she really DID use him in the anime - for her own purposes, but those purposes were saving mankind. Then, what she did was right or wrong? It's really hard to tell. The Shinji of this fic says that Yui still didn't have the right to make such choices for him, no matter how noble her goal was. I can't say if I agree or not. It's really hard to decide. But I think that no matter how important, people's choice is what matters most, so in the end I'm inclined to agree with Shinji. But that's just my opinion.

As for Shinji's words about a person's responsibility, I had a few problems with that. The talk between Shinji and Fuyutsuki was already done when I stumbled upon Adam Kadmon's 'Filiation' fic. Misato's father is starred in it, and he tells Shinji that he has the duty to protect his mother's work and carry on her wishes, no matter how much it hurts him. I read that and I found myself bothered by it, although I didn't know exactly why. It took me a couple of days to figure out the problem: should Shinji carry out his mother's work in spite of himself and his own health? Why? His first responsibility lied with himself, not Yui. There was no reason for him to sacrifice himself to do something he didn't want to do; if his mother wanted him to do it then she wasn't loyal to him and his own desires at all. Once I figured that out I wrote about it and found a way to slip it into Shinji's talk with Fuyutsuki.

To tell you the truth, what made me write this fic was the constant hypocrisy some of the characters displayed throughout the entire series. Misato, Gendo, Ritsuko, all of them tell Shinji not to run away. All of them talk as if they had some sort of moral high grounds. But in the end they are even worse than him, because not only they run away as well; they actually never face their own problems in the entire arc. Unlike them, Shinji does so a couple of times. Gendo, Yui, Ritsuko, most of the adults in the NGE cast use the children like tools for their own ends, and yet they dare to talk like if they were rightful people, giving Shinji advice and lecturing him. After seeing the anime again, I thought about writing a story in which Shinji would show them as they are: a bunch of hypocrites with delusions - much like Gendo and Ritsuko -, or brave and yet fragile people like Misato and Asuka. I wanted to write about their faults rather than Shinji's; we see enough of Shinji-bashing in the anime.

One very small detail: Kensuke regards Shinji scornfully as a wimp for refusing to pilot. His exact phrase was taken from You Tube, from a guy's comments of the first episode. I use this fic to portray all the reasons I can think of for not piloting. Someone that calls Shinji a wimp for initially refusing to pilot in the first episode of the anime is as stupid as Kensuke here. So I took advantage of the situation and included that as a personal joke.

One last comment: Kazuo Matsuda was a character I merely named for the sake of the argument. Don't worry; I don't plan on including any ACCs in this story.

So, many many thanks to all of you, readers and reviewers alike. You are the ones that encourage me to keep writing. As always, any criticism will be very welcome. Leave a review and tell me what you think of this.

Devil Boss


	4. Consequences

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own any of the characters from the Evangelion universe, as they belong to Hideaki Anno, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and GAINAX studios.

**Author Notes:**

Well, I'm back. I apologize for the long - extremely so - delay, but I won't make any excuses. I love this fic, but it's sometimes hard to write and real life can be a bitch sometimes, which keeps me from working as fast as I'd wish. This was meant to be posted on August, but my college teachers moved some tests then and there went my free time. Thank you all for being so patient to put up with my lazy schedule, and for taking the time to leave such considerate comments.

This chapter was co written with **Greydon Creed**. He wrote a very important scene of this chapter about a year ago, and I've been delaying it in order to make space for other scenes first. Many of his ideas were used here, and so this chapter's credit is his' as well. My deepest thanks to him and his patience for me to finish this update.

Your reviews never cease to amaze me. I can't count how many times you've surprised me with how accurate your ideas are, and how many times you've said things that just make so much sense. It's great to see that I wasn't the only one to think along the lines of this story and how NERV and some of the main characters do deserve to get their own reprimands for what they've done. Thank you very much for what you've said, and be sure that all of those things were taken into account when writing this chapter and the ones that will follow.

Some of the analysis you made are very smart. Regarding Shinji's position, I always thought that power doesn't come from a position. I'm now in college, and I've seen how easy it is to completely upset the balance of power when a student challenges the professor and the latter isn't qualified to respond. When facing someone that won't back down, authority and social status isn't all that relevant. A person's true power comes from themselves, at least in my opinion and experience. Power being the capacity to exercise influence over others and maybe getting them to act in a desired way. In this fic, I didn't want Shinji to instantly take a position of authority that would entice him to do what he wanted and get away with it. When I started the second chapter, I thought about NERV offering Shinji a rank within the military and a lot of commodities to get him to pilot, and how the rest of the cast - particularly Asuka - would react to him in this position of power. But then I figured that in the end Shinji wouldn't need a rank to have power. Even in a dark cell, his power comes from himself. Asuka and Misato outrank him, they both have a lot more credentials than him, and many other capacities that surpass his' - Misato's military mind and Asuka's high IQ come to mind - and yet he proves to be more powerful than them, heedless of any position of authority.

About future arguments between Shinji and other members of the cast: they will come. Hands down. One of the most interesting things about EVA is that no one is blameless, and certainly no one is flawless. You can only make a few exceptions, and yet even in those cases - the Bridge Bunnies didn't have anything to do in how NERV manipulated everything - you can say that their ignorance and lack of capacity to question others is a flaw in itself. Shinji here isn't exactly perfect either, although he is more capable at hiding it. Rest assured that if we are to refer back to Evangelion, there are psychological issues to make an entire fic of how someone points them out.

But this chapter will have true action at last. C'mon, I don't think I can write an entire Evangelion fic without any battles, right? Asuka plays a big part here, but this will mostly focus on the effects of Shinji's actions in the previous chapters, hence the chapter's title. I honestly hope you enjoy it.

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**Chapter 4: Consequences**

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"Commander Fuyutsuki..." Ritsuko said weakly. The old man strode to her side.

"Doctor..."

"I... I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do anymore. Should Commander Ikari be here, he would know what to do. But since Shinji came, all his father built was destroyed." Ritsuko sighed and closed her eyes "What to do now? It seems as if everything around us collapses... and I don't know what to do anymore."

Fuyutsuki put a hand on her shoulder, lost in thought. Both remained silent for some time.

'Maybe this will have some good consequences,' Fuyutsuki dared to think deep down. If this made Akagi stop seeing the pilots like mere objects instead of people, then Aida's death would have not been in vain. But on the other hand, SEELE wouldn't be pleased, and their patience was wearing thin. The loss of a pilot candidate was not going to sit well with them 'Specially since the candidate died due to our own mistakes,' the Commander sighed 'That will worsen our reputation even more.'

Sitting at his side, Ritsuko was equally lost in thought.

"Commander Ikari had warned me, but I never thought something like this would happen," Ritsuko said shakily "The worst case scenario was that Unit 01 would reject the pilot..."

'Of course' Fuyutsuki agreed silently 'Yui... Yui wants Shinji and only Shinji. She won't accept anyone else. After all, this was her plan all along...' it didn't cease to amaze him how could Yui still act from inside Unit 01 without a conscious mind. And Yui's plans involved Shinji and none other, no matter how much the young man despised NERV 'Yui's plans involve Shinji being a prisoner of Unit 01. Come to think about it, it is very cruel...'

Ritsuko started rubbing her temples with her eyes closed. She looked exhausted.

"We could always try again with another candidate," the blond woman said wearily "If I can reconfigure Unit 01 for another child... and even if it fails I'll be able to figure out what is wrong..."

Fuyutsuki found himself feeling a rather youthful impulse of punching the woman at his side. She hadn't learnt a thing.

"No," the Commander said "You will not conduct any other tests on Unit 01 with any candidates. From now on it's forbidden to anyone save Rei to enter that Unit, is that clear?"

"Rei is the pilot of Unit 00!" Ritsuko snapped "We need a pilot for Unit 01! We need pilots! The candidates will have to do it because if they don't we will all die!"

"Enough!" Fuyutsuki snapped "You will not conduct any other tests with pilot candidates in Unit 01!" Fuyutsuki faced Ritsuko with anger. The woman was very surprised to see him like this and said nothing "You will take the rest of the day off. And when you come back, I expect you to be more composed. Is that clear, Doctor Akagi?"

Ritsuko gave him a shaky nod before hurriedly leaving.

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Walking through the empty corridors of the Geo Front, Asuka Langley Soryu's mind was on turmoil. She had heard. She had heard the news about Aida... and she had heard the screams, the hideous screams the purple monster that was Unit 01 had shouted. Not a single soul in the Geo Front had remained oblivious to those.

Asuka was heading to her room. She had a lot to think... lately it seemed that was everything she could do. Her chest always felt heavy, always crushed with a burden she couldn't shake off. Ever since meeting Shinji she had been left a wreck. Asuka didn't even want to go to Central Dogma to receive a report on what happened to Aida; she had heard that the test had gone wrong somehow and that the boy had been injured somehow. The rest, she didn't want to hear.

Gott, she couldn't help but recall the boy's eager face when he asked her if NERV was still looking for pilots. Aida had been so happy when they chose him... Asuka had met him before his first test, and the boy didn't bother to hide his joy. And she had thought - how idiotic. She would have never thought that of someone that accepted to pilot before. But she did now. He was so exited... and that upset her in a way that it shouldn't have. Not normally. Had she been the same girl she was when training in Germany, or her first day here, she'd have approved of his happiness. She would have thought Aida wasn't exactly pilot material, but she'd been pleased to see that he understood the importance of his new task and accepted it wholeheartedly. But now...

Now she wasn't the same girl as before, was she?

No, she wasn't... Shinji had seen to that. Now, when she thought about how Aida had looked so happy to be a part of NERV, she couldn't help but being upset about it. She almost wanted to slap him to make him get a grip before it was too late. To make him realize what was going to happen once he got inside an EVA... the way his life would be taken from him by uncaring, hypocritical adults.

_'They said it is your destiny to pilot, but who creates that destiny? NERV. NERV tells you that your destiny is to work for them. How convenient, don't you think?'_

_'Your parents and your precious NERV told you that you were selected, that you are special. Foolish girl. You are here most likely due to the will of your parents, with NERV realizing that manipulating you was extremely easy, that gullible you are.'_

It had happened all over again. Those bastards... they were doing it again! They had done the same thing to her, and ruined her life in the process. She had been so happy when they chose her... at age five! Fucking five! She didn't even know what was going on, she was still shocked after her mother's death! She wanted her mother's recognition... and so she'd been happy when they chose her. They had used her... and now they were repeating the process with clockwork precision. And it was working. That face, that cheerful smile, the way his chest swelled in pride when he thought about his new duty, the bright eyes... Kensuke Aida was a reflection of the innocence she had when she'd been chosen, and the innocence she'd kept right until meeting Shinji Ikari. She wanted to warn him in some way, but she was sure he wouldn't listen... because he was still a child. A child that did everything grown ups told him to, a child that went to bed early. And she was the same.

And just when she thought about beds...

A stretcher was coming her way, carried by several nurses with worried faces. There was someone on the stretcher. Just before wondering what that stretcher was doing here, Asuka realized that her absent steps had taken her to the medical wing, which was in the way of her and Misato's quarters in the Geo Front. Asuka had a sneaking suspicion about who was the one in the stretcher, and if that was the case... she couldn't help to take a closer look and see if she was right...

She was. Kensuke Aida was being carried to the medical wing.

But... had it been this bad? Bad enough for him to be unable to walk, to move by himself? Asuka hadn't wanted to know what had gone wrong, because everything seemed wrong these days. And yet, the sight of Kensuke Aida lying still in a stretcher felt like a slap to the face. She wanted to know now... Asuka took a few steps closer as the nurses came her way, and managed to get a look at the young teenager that was NERV's newest asset.

And she only needed one glance to know that there was something wrong about him. It wasn't the way his body lay on the stretcher, lax and still. It wasn't his slightly open mouth, unmoving. It wasn't his face, unnaturally calm. It wasn't any of those things.

It was his eyes.

Asuka had seen those eyes before. She had seen that look on the person she loved the most and strived to make proud. She had seen that look, dull, lost, empty, as if the inside of the person were dead, unmoved by everything around...

She had seen that look, and she recognized it. It was the same look her mother had.

Mutter.

And that doll.

It had to happen then. A rebellious thought, entering her mind just at that precise moment, just when she was in a low. One single word to make it into her consciousness and enough to send her spiralling into the darkness again. One single word. One fucking word. One fucking word.

_'Useless.'_

This was enough for her brain to instinctually recall everything related about that word. All the pain that single fucking word brought; the word that made her world collapse. Enough to recall Shinji again.

'And what do you think NERV will do once they're done with you? Recognize you? Love you? Respect you? They'll just throw you aside.'

No, dammit. Not her. Shinji may have been right on some issues, but she wasn't about to let herself be used this way. She was better than that. He had taken advantage of her, stunning her with his words and hurting her while she was too disoriented to actually fight back. But Asuka knew herself, or some things at least. And she knew she wasn't stupid. It wasn't due to her high IQ - which Shinji had managed to completely dismiss and, worse yet, make her dismiss as well - no, it was because she knew she was smart. She could think outside the box. She could see things others didn't. She could...

Even if she'd been manipulated into piloting, she had done it for herself, and that made it valuable too.

'No! I'll live by myself! I'll think by myself! I don't need anyone!'

'They are using you, and you're just too stupid to see the truth for yourself!'

'I won't cry anymore.'

"I won't cry anymore."

If so, why was she in her bedroom again? And that damned wetness in her eyes...

Verdamnt, why did this have to happen! What the hell was wrong! Why had that boy, Aida, died like this...! Insane like M...

Asuka let out a choked cry and tried to occupy her mind with something else.

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"Commander Fuyutsuki," Keel Lorenz addressed the old professor.

This was the meeting Fuyutsuki had been dreading for the last days. Now was the time to answer before the Committee and SEELE, and Fuyutsuki was certain that it wouldn't be a pleasant encounter.

"Chairman," Fuyutsuki nodded. The two were talking where Gendo's meetings with the Committee took place, all via holograms. But this time the Committee wasn't present, it was Keel Lorenz alone.

"The last days at NERV have been terrible," Lorenz said, going straight to the point "I trusted you to produce better results than this, Professor."

"We are merely adapting to the changes in the scenario," Fuyutsuki said calmly. He kept his cool with ease: what was done was done, and there was no turning back from it. Still, he hoped he would remain in charge for some time. Should SEELE put one of their lackeys in command, everyone would be as good as dead.

"I'm well aware of Soryu's drop in her synch scores," Keel retorted swiftly, anger making its way to his harsh voice "After a decade of training, she now shows an unreliable pattern, which only started as soon as she went to Japan," Fuyutsuki cursed inwardly: SEELE had thoroughly infiltrated NERV's infrastructure, up to the point where they knew the results of every synch test. Behind Keel's words was a not so subtle threat: they knew everything that happened in the Geo Front, and they could kill him with the same ease. Unperturbed, Keel went on "This means Unit 02 may not be as reliable as predicted. We need Unit 01."

"I've sent you the reports on the incident with the last candidate," Fuyutsuki answered, playing the part of the dutiful subordinate "Unit 01 rejected him. We've assigned Ayanami Rei as the only person alive who can use it, and she hasn't recovered from her injuries yet."

The quietness that followed his words warned Fuyutsuki that this was it. Years having dealt with Keel - indirectly maybe, but more than many others ever had - told him that the man was about to drop the bomb. He was never one to beat around the bushes.

He wasn't disappointed. When Keel spoke, his voice sounded falsely nice.

"Commander Fuyutsuki, you know as well as I do that Unit 01 is vital to the Human Instrumentality Project. If she won't accept any other pilot than Ikari, then we will have to convince him to pilot. You have already tried every possible approach; now it's my turn. If he refuses, he will be of no use to us and therefore he shall be terminated."

"He has done nothing wrong!" Fuyutsuki exclaimed, too fast to stop himself. Anger and indignation filled him; hadn't that boy suffered enough for other's schemes? "You can't kill the son of Yui Ikari with no reason; Shinji is as innocent as any other civilian!"

"It seems that your talks with the boy have softened you, Commander," Keel said softly. His tone had been mild, and yet more threatening that a loud yell: a slight hiss of warning and hatred that came out of his lips and set his opponent on edge "I would advise you to refrain from thinking that way any longer. The boy knows far too much, his own intelligence is guilty of that. Should he refuse, he will become a danger to NERV's public image, and I simply cannot allow that, considering the intense efforts we are doing just to keep the organization functional."

Even though Keel's words had been actually true, Fuyutsuki still felt the need to argue. He owed it to Shinji, he owed it to everyone under his command, to try and stop this madness once and for all; he called Keel's bluff.

"But if you kill Shinji Ikari, then Unit 01 will become completely useless," he argued, making his point with conviction "It has already proved that it won't accept any other pilot save him. Shinji is our only chance with that Unit."

"Not exactly," Keel said mildly, with a very slight tint of scorn in his voice "There is another way to use Unit 01 without Pilot Ikari. We both know it's the core that refuses other pilots, which makes the solution quite simple: we eliminate the core and replace it with one of the Mass Produced Evangelions.'"

"What...!" Fuyutsuki was aghast "If you do that, then you'll be effectively killing Yui Ikari! Unit 01 will never be as powerful then!"

"It won't," Keel conceded "But it will be functional, which is more that what you and Gendo Ikari achieved. This is not the time for softness, Professor. Humanity will reach heaven, with or without Shinji and Yui Ikari," his words were terminating; no more arguing would be allowed about the matter. Fuyutsuki felt a pang of pain at the thought of Yui dying such a petty death, even though a small rebellious part of his mind felt that she probably deserved it. But Keel went on, undaunted: he was tired of the whole situation "I will head to the Geo Front and speak to the boy tomorrow; should he refuse once again, I will personally terminate him for all the trouble he's caused."

The call was cut. That was the way to talk to Keel: you only spoke for as long as he wished to hear. NERV's Commander sighed. What could he do? Keel was more powerful than him, and NERV had been totally infiltrated. Gendo was more capable than him at keeping them at bay. It had been his reckless planning that failed him.

In the end, Fuyutsuki didn't have a choice. He couldn't go against the will of SEELE's chairman. Not even Gendo had been able to do that, at least not openly. He had chosen to silently defy the man, making his own plans in secret. Without him, Fuyutsuki was bare against the Chairman. But that didn't mean he would sit put and do nothing. There was at least one small detail that could help Shinji here: he would warn him this time; he would warn him that he was going to be executed if he refused. What the boy chose to do then would be out of his hands... but at least it wouldn't burden his conscience anymore.

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Fuyutsuki's holographic image disappeared and Keel was left alone in the darkness. It was in this ultimate solitude - this place was secure enough to guarantee no one would ever see anything - that the battered old man that was SEELE's Chairman allowed himself a sigh. His position of shepherd of mankind, of being the one to lead it into godhood was a terrible burden. More and more he found himself having to deal with petty, sinful men who kept committing crimes for their own pathetic reasons. The closer they were to Instrumentality, the more petty men appeared. What a vicious loop.

Keel's face was as stony, harsh and commanding as ever when SEELE's monoliths appeared again.

"The young Ikari has proven to be far more difficult than we planned," SEELE 03 started, his insidious voice echoing in the vast dark chamber.

"Yes," Keel grunted, his jaw set and his words implacable "But he will relent this time. And there will be no more mistakes."

"Far too long of a leash have we given NERV," SEELE 03 snarled angrily, his high voice sounding full of spite "But no more. Agent Kaji is already on his way to Tokyo 3."

"He will be useful to keep track on Ikari," SEELE 09 rumbled, deep in thought.

"Or he could side with him," SEELE 06 mused, darkness in his tone. His words were followed by stony silence, the darkness of the room impenetrable.

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Fresh air. Clean air. The sun shining over her head. These were such simple things, and yet Misato Katsuragi had grown unused to them...

Sitting on top of a small, green hill, Misato could see how Tokyo 3 was cleaned and rebuilt step by step. The city wouldn't be entirely reconstructed, but it would be made habitable for all the people that worked for NERV and their families.

'And their children...' Misato mused with a frown. She had started to develop a sneaking suspicion about that lately, seeing how all the chosen pilots had relatives working for NERV. Shinji himself had pointed this out to Asuka when she faced him, and it certainly did make sense that NERV kept close tabs of its employees' children. After all, manipulating teenagers would be extremely easy if their parents worked there too. Misato was sure Ritsuko would know more about this... the way that Aida and Suzuhara had been selected was simply too suspicious to ignore, and the fake blonde always seemed informed about things Misato wasn't. And yet, Misato was sure she'd never get anything out of the woman.

'If only Kaji were here...' Misato sighed. True, the man was a womanizer piece of shit, but he always managed to keep well informed about things. And right now, Misato needed a confidante, someone to help her unravel all the mysteries she was only starting to see. Makoto Hyouga was good, and reliable, but he wasn't exactly useful in this situation. She needed someone capable enough to learn people's secrets, and find out the answer to all the unanswered questions.

'Shinji would be perfect for that task,' Misato snorted, amused despite herself. Despite the fact that he'd been the one that caused all this mess in the first place 'No,' Misato interrupted that train of thought 'He was only the last link of a long broken chain of command and events. He just didn't care enough to help a bunch of petty, selfish people.'

In the end, Shinji had been the consequence. NERV had been the cause.

Misato's failures haunted her everyday.

Asuka had been slowly edging into madness. Misato could see it daily in the way the German girl acted, the way she spoke, the way she looked at things. The Captain would have loved to help her somehow, and yet knew that there was little someone like her could do. She was just as messed up as her charge, and didn't know how to help anybody. She would have consoled her the only way she knew had Asuka been a male and a few years older.

What a sick place NERV was. Horrible and filled with disgusting people. Murderers, whores, uncaring hypocritical people, lying bastards, and children in the midst of all that. To think that she had wished for years to become a pilot, back when Asuka was training in Germany and life was simpler, when at night she had time to fantasize alone and dream that she could do it too and save everyone... how stupid she had been. Shinji had been right.

Misato sighed and stood up. Her time to muse was over. She had things to do. She would work to find out the truth of NERV's mysteries even if it took her a whole year. It was then, when she was walking back to the lift that would take her underground back to the Geo Front when she saw something out of place.

.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

.

Misato barged in Asuka's room without warning. The redhead, which had been lying on her bed contemplating the roof, almost jumped in the air in surprise.

"Asuka," Misato said, cutting her cursing and startled remarks. And the German girl recognized the tone, and knew from just that word what was happening, and what was going to happen. The time had come. The time had come. The time to do what she had been trained to do for a decade, to do what she had been born to do. The redhead's mind snarled at that last thought, echoing Shinji's words about the matter inside her, recalling, remembering, and hurting her. But this was not the time to think about such things; denial would have to do for the time being, for there was an Angel attacking and she was the one entrusted to battle it.

Misato didn't need to say anything else. Both females were out of the apartment and ran through the Geo Front's corridors while alarms blazed and everyone rushed to their own battle posts. Misato led Asuka to the changing rooms so that she could put her plugsuit on. Asuka got inside while the older woman waited next to the door, grabbing a suit from her locker and hearing her own heart beating hurriedly. The proof that she was alive, not like that doll. Although what kind of life had she led? Could it be referred as life?

The suit constricted around her body, and for the first time in her life Asuka felt bad about it. She had always liked her warm, tight and comfortable plugsuit, and yet it didn't feel like that today, of all days... No, today it was constricting. Binding, a reminder of what she was, but never who she was. A prison in her own skin. Asuka quickly got out of the changing rooms.

"All personnel to battle posts!" a voice rang through the speakers "We are under attack! All personnel to battle posts!"

"Asuka, come on!" Misato said, leading the redhead through several corridors, as the young girl still wasn't used to the Geo Front and there was no time to loose.

"The Angel has gone past the Owakudani area!"

Misato and Asuka broke off to a mad run, alarms going everywhere around them. As they ran, Asuka looked at the people they crossed in their paths; there were looks of fear on every face, nervousness shining in their eyes, nervousness and sparks of hysteria. Yet they all would look at her, as she ran dressed in her plugsuit, the thing that made her different from them, the thing that marked her as different. And yet she had been made into this, this person, this object...

They were nearing the cages now. Both women were running at full speed, pure resolve in their faces. But that was merely a façade, as their eyes betrayed their true feelings, the older woman's shone with urgency and a little spark of dread, and the younger woman's simply looked around, looking, looking for something, for a reason, a reason to fight, and a reason to live; all while the destiny of mankind fell upon their shoulders.

Or maybe, not both of them. Because only one would climb inside the red monster that would go out to the battlefield. Only one, while the other - that dared to act brave and rightful - would remain safely underground, well protected. After all, it had been proved that a Nuclear bomb along with N2 mines could kill an Angel.

Asuka shook her head. She shouldn't be thinking of things like that now. Not with a battle to fight. Those thoughts, those doubts, they had no place within her mind. She couldn't go into battle while making mental calculations of what would happen if she lost. She was a fighter, and fighters were there to win.

The cage. Asuka's sharp mind betrayed her yet again as it made another sad connection with her life; what a fitting name cage was for what had become of her, how appropriate it was to think of herself as if caged when she saw that she never had the chance to choose in all of her years. Even if she would have chosen the same thing, it would have been willingly, and that made a whole world of difference in itself.

No. No it didn't. Shinji was wrong. She was a fighter. It wasn't something drilled by others, it was the way she was. Asuka's own instincts drove her to fight back and never relent. She was naturally that way.

_'Instead of thinking by yourself and deciding what do you really want to do, you just let 'everyone' tell you the objective of your life without even putting up a fight, don't you? And like an obedient puppy, you go around bragging about it. What a coward.'_

Shinji.

She could hear his taunting words as if he were speaking them right in her ear. She could hear him telling her how little she had fought when it counted, when her own life's purpose was decided by others while she did nothing.

Agony ran deep within Asuka's mind as those thoughts flashed in milliseconds. But the redhead kept moving, showing a steely drive few had when questioning themselves like that, nearing the plug that was ready for her to get into. Behind her, Misato made her way to the Command Center, stopping just to give her charge a visual farewell at least.

Asuka climbed into the plug, moving quickly. Misato turned to look at her while she did so, everything seemingly going slowly, as they played their parts and destiny echoed around them. There was no time. The technicians were moving, and the alarms were blazing, and the whole cage was trembling, all in mere, fleeting instants, instants vital to what was to come. Asuka got inside the plug and the hatch was closed, isolating her, trapping three times over. Her plugsuit, her cage, her plug. She was alone now. Always alone.

.

"Status report!" Misato said as soon as she got to the Command Center. The place was in a frenzy of activity, with the three technicians working like mad while Ritsuko watched intently and Fuyutsuki oversaw the whole place.

"The target has entered the city limits!" Makoto promptly reported "The JSSDF has given us direct control of the situation!"

'The JSSDF?' Fuyutsuki innerly smirked, although his face showed no chance at all 'Most likely under direct orders from SEELE. But not even SEELE will help much if we fail here again.' Worse yet, they were entrusting their fate to Soryu and Unit 02 instead of Ikari and Unit 01 as the Scrolls predicted should be done, and the German girl didn't actually look like the elite fighter Germany's instructors said her to be.

"Ready an assault rifle for Unit 02, and set the city's defences on standby!" Misato ordered, her tone never faltering in the slightest; her pure resolve gave some courage to those present in that dire moment "Unit 02, launch!"

The catapult was fired, and red behemoth rushed upwards, more and more, quickly ascending to its fate, and to the fate of mankind behind it, such was the courage of the pilot, the only one to stand in the way of chaos and death. Everything was at stake here. The catapult's roof opened, light shone at the end of the tunnel, and the red monster made it to the surface.

Standing a few miles deeper in the city, Samshel, the Fourth Angel was waiting, its enormous size matching that of the EVA, shaking its whips of energy, a wail coming from it; and as Unit 02 approached it, the sun shone and the Angel turned, a standoff seen between the two for a fickle instant, one that represented far more than what was seen by the naked eye: it was the duel between the corrupted Human race and the devastating Angel race.

"Unit 02, engage!"

And so it began.

Asuka opened the battle with a volley of gunfire of her EVA-sized assault rifle. Said rifle resembled a bullpup military rifle like the FAMAS, which she was trained to use. Her aim was average outside the EVA - her small frame made it hard to hold her aim steadily - but outstanding inside of it. And so the huge rounds, each one of them the size of a car, made their way directly to the Angel's core right in the creature's chest.

Only to hit the Angel's AT Field and harmlessly fall to the ruined streets below. Asuka's first attack had been an utter failure. And even though it hadn't been her fault - more likely whoever designed the EVA's weapons just didn't understand the concept of an AT Field - Asuka couldn't help but feel bad about it. Shinji's voice grew louder inside of her, and the young girl felt like she was fighting two opponents at once. Or maybe three; there was herself to count as well.

This wasn't good. Misato had figured EVA-sized weapons wouldn't be of much use considering the Angel's AT Field, and this was the proof of how right she had been. The screens of the Command Center displayed the battle in detail, showing how Asuka kept disciplined bursts of gunfire to hold her enemy back. The Angel, in any case, seemed only slightly bothered by the rounds.

She wouldn't run away. Asuka kept firing her rifle, using short bursts to avoid creating a smokescreen that would leave her blind to the enemy. She had to keep the thing away while she and everyone in the Geo Front thought of a way to beat the thing, of an opening to use. No, it didn't matter that her first attack was akin at punching a wall. She wouldn't run away.

_'You run away by piloting EVA. You run away by piloting to avoid facing the misery of your life.'_

Such had been the synch between Shinji and the Angel that she mistook them. The Angel dashed forward just at the same time Asuka's mind recalled Shinji's words, and pain flashed within her body and mind, caused both by the memory and the physical strike the gargantuan creature in front of her used.

Asuka's assault rifle was shattered to pieces when her enemy used its whips of energy, going for the offensive for the first time. Caught off guard, Asuka didn't have time to react. Her hands felt a powerful surge of pain, and Gott it _hurt_. It hurt. Asuka knew the pilot would feel the EVA's pain, but verdamnt this wasn't something she was prepared to endure. No one had ever hit her before, and having her hands burned by some whips of energy wasn't a good way to familiarize with the feeling.

Now she was unarmed. Undaunted, the Angel pressed on. Her second failure.

_'You are a coward, Asuka Langley Soryu. You are a coward because you want to find your self worth by mindlessly obeying NERV's commands.'_

It's funny how many times the mind works against the person. Asuka was no stranger to that concept; like everyone else, there were things she just didn't like to think about, like Misato having relations or her dead m... but it's just the moment you consciously try to suppress those thoughts that they force their way in at once, as if your own mind dared you to face them and become stronger.

A battle is not the time for that. A battle is not the time to think of anything save your position and your opponent's, and what to do in order to win or at least survive. Asuka knew this, and yet she couldn't suppress her own damned memories from coming back to her; her judgement became clouded, and doubt filled her; the Angel made a sweeping movement with its whips, and the red EVA ducked just in time to avoid getting its head cut off.

Asuka fought to keep balance as the Angel made a vertical strike this time; she sidestepped at the last moment, and the ground next to her was shattered like glass when the Angel hit it. The girl wrestled to control her own raging fear and the memory of Shinji's implacable words, and her lapse in focus made her loose balance slightly, tripping backwards and stumbling back; Samshel approached, slashing mercilessly, and Asuka's training came to use when the girl managed to avoid getting hit and regain her balance: she would grab those verdamned tentacles with her bare hands if needed, but this would end once and for all. Samshel seemed to think along the same lines: a whip slashed down just at the time Unit 02's hand rushed up.

'_They are ruthless enough to ruin a five year old life'_ the Angel said and Shinji attacked.

Whip and hand collided, and thunder was heard in the empty city as the two monsters battled for dominance, instinctual determination in one, shattered strength in the other. But the battle intensified as the two wrestled for the upper hand, the ultimate battle the world had seen, and the world was seeing now.

"C'mon, Asuka!" Misato's voice came from the Command Center.

A huge kick delivered from the red EVA sent the Angel stumbling backwards with enough force to completely destroy a building standing behind it, and the EVA crew cheered at the sight of one first true blow delivered in the name of NERV. But the Angel wasn't beaten yet, as the kick gave it the advantage to use its whips again, making Asuka retreat, cornering her.

The Angel hit a decrepit skyscraper just next to Asuka, and the collapsing structure sent debris everywhere, filling the battlefield with a cloud of dust that blinded the young pilot and impeded her to see where the next attack would come from.

Asuka steeled her resolve, putting all her training into use; she had to anticipate her opponents moves! She had to win!

_'In the name of what!'_ a voice claimed in her head. Shinji was back in her mind with a vengeance, as his words and thoughts entered her conscious mind, distracting her from the battle _'You believed their lies!'_

"I didn't know!" Asuka shouted.

"Then back off!" Misato shouted, believing the redhead to talk about the Angel's attacks "Retreat and get out of that cloud!"

A huge whip got past the dust, striking Unit 02 at the abdomen, making Asuka loose balance and fall to the ground.

_'You idiot! They ruined your life!'_

"Asuka, you can do this!" Misato cheered 'Go girl, we need this victory!'

The Angel attacked again, and Asuka staggered backwards, the pain in her torso merging with the pain in her chest, and the pain in her mind, as Shinji's words kept jabbing her there. And now the battle was on with all the parties involved; Asuka, the Angel, Shinji and NERV; It was a duel that went deep down, crushing bodies, overwhelming minds, and drowning souls.

"Do it for yourself!"

_'Lies! They forced you to do something terrible! They didn't give you a chance! They played with you for your whole life!'_

"I'M NOT A DOLL!"

Asuka regained her footing and charged the Angel with renewed fury, her prog. knife getting very close of the creature's chest, but the Angel used its whips and nearly cut Asuka in half, once again driving her backwards; increasing the overwhelming impotence she felt. This was Shinji all over again! She couldn't crack this thing! This was her hatred at herself! She couldn't win! She wasn't strong enough!

_'You base your life on the belief that you are the best, the strongest. But now you encountered someone stronger than you!'_

"NO!"

Samshel grabbed Unit 02's right ankle, and in an amazing display of brute strength that spoke leagues about the incredible fighting prowess the sons of ADAM had, tossed her like a ragdoll, sending the red EVA crashing against a near hill, and almost causing a small earthquake that made the entire Geo Front tremble; and that trembling was translated into fear in all the members of NERV, as they knew in their hearts that this was their last stand, and they were loosing.

"Misato, she's talking to herself," Ritsuko said to the Captain "She's useless in this condition. Get her out of there!"

The weight of this overwhelming decision fell on the back of one Misato Katsuragi, and now the battle was thrown upon her, as the entire bridge crew and all of NERV, with the UN and the world behind it, awaited for her decision; the world stood still then, the air thick. The only measure of time was the quick beating of hearts; not a single soul dared to move in their nervousness. Misato raised her head.

"Asuka, get up!" the Captain shouted "You can do this! Ready your prog. knife and engage the Angel in Close Combat!"

The will, the sheer magnificence of the Captain's words translated in resounding applause in the lower levels of Central Dogma, as all the less important technicians cheered for their leaders' courage. Very few realized the true depth of this decision: Misato had washed her hands clean, opting to throw the fight back to Asuka, refusing to let the girl retreat and take command of things herself; only a few within NERV saw this, and yet they kept quiet, for this was not the time for such debates. Nevertheless, everyone else felt renewed spirits. NERV wasn't done yet, not this time. Not without a fight to put up!

The same couldn't be said for the pilot. Misato's words had shifted the weight back at her, and now it became an unbearable burden, so heavy that it crushed her already fragile self. She had heard the argument between Misato and Ritsuko. She had heard, and now Shinji's words came back with full force.

_'Misato, she's talking to herself. She's useless in this condition!'_

_'Misato, she's useless in this condition!'_

_'Useless!'_

_'Useless!'_

_'Useless!'_

_'What do you think NERV will do once they're done with you? Recognize you? Love you? Respect you? They'll just throw you aside! You are nothing more than spare parts!'_

_'She's useless!_

_'She thinks the doll is her daughter'_

_'Go back to being NERV's doll if that's what you want!'_

The onslaught of thoughts, doubts, shames and regrets assaulted Asuka's mind, crushing her as the balance started to shift in the Angels' favour, and the world was at its worst time. Who was the enemy! Was it the Angel? Was it Shinji? Was it NERV! Such questions shouldn't be on her mind at a time like this!

"Asuka, get up!"

But they had to be! She was the one fighting, dammit! They had forced her here, and now they wanted her to be just perfect!

_'Be proud of them if you want, but don't think I can be brainwashed so easily!'_

"Asuka..." Misato said. Unit 02 lay there, thrown over the hill, and the Angel was now closing the distance between them. Misato felt a crushing wave of guilt strike her; she was the one that had ordered Asuka to stay there. She was to blame. In the end, she hadn't had the courage to step in and order the girl to retreat, and then acknowledge the consequences such a nefarious decision would have. She hadn't cared about Asuka and her needs, putting herself first. Misato hadn't acted like a leader should, sending others to fight for her but refusing to do so herself. Asuka had fought for her... but Misato had refused to fight for the girl. And now death stood at the threshold. Asuka wouldn't get up. Misato's heart was filled with long repressed shame, guilt, frustration and self hatred.

_'Do you think you can make innocent underage civilians commit suicide for something you could have anticipated?'_

"Asuka..."

.

.

"I'm sorry."

Misato hung her head. The Angel now closed the distance, and stood over the fallen Unit 02.

Asuka looked up. Shinji had looked straight at her after she beat him up. She had run away then. Samshel stood over her. Asuka had felt a fear so strong she had escaped. And now she was in the battlefield again, facing Shinji, facing death. Had she died already?

NO! She was not dead! She didn't want to die! She would live; she would find a new purpose! She would live for herself!

Samshel threw its right tentacle in a swinging motion, intending to decapitate the red behemoth. But Asuka rolled just in the last second, and the whip-like limb missed, crushing the ground where the Eva had lay seconds before, making the hill collapse. But Unit 02 was now a few hundred feet away, standing again. It had been a desperate move, a move that reflected the feeling of the pilot, a move that reflected the organization behind said pilot and the pettiness of the race behind that. And yet, petty as the race was, the spirit managed to flame in even the direst situations; shattered as she was, Asuka had to keep on fighting! She may not win, but she wouldn't let herself go down quietly. It was the least she could do... the least she could do for... herself. The revelation felt refreshing in her world of madness and sorrow. Samshel turned and approached Unit 02 again. The red mecha engaged its prog. knife and assumed a ready stance.

_'You are NERV's doll!'_

"I am doing this because I want to!"

_'Lies! You would be happy if you wanted to!'_

Samshel struck her, and Asuka screamed in pain at the sudden attack, the synch ratio proving to be her doom, and the synching with Shinji's mind her downfall. She had gone looking for him, and he had shown her his thinking. And now she was shattered. Cracked. Samshel struck again, and Asuka barely had the time to react before the whip struck her again, this time on her back.

"Stop it!"

Misato let out a cry of frustration at Asuka's last words. She had done this! She had sent the girl to her death, and now she was shouting for this madness to stop! God dammit all, a teenager was shouting for the pain to stop! What the hell was wrong with her, how could she do this to the girl that was her charge!

Asuka attempted an attack, but her arm was grabbed by the Angel, and the incredible pressure the creature applied on it made Asuka scream in pain, the EVA's hand opening and dropping the prog. knife, leaving Asuka unarmed and Samshel unscathed.

_'You want to hit me, right? You want to use violence on me. You want to hurt me, and since you just don't know how you plan on punching me to relieve your anger, don't you?'_

_'You just don't know how.'_

_'She's useless!'_

Another building collapsed as the battle went on, and no one cheered now. Lilim faced Angels, and Lilim were loosing by Lilim flaw and wickedness, their own intrinsic evil probing deep inside the soul of the only defender they had. Another tentacle struck, and Asuka screamed in pain, horror, anguish and self hatred. Shinji had been right! She didn't want to be here! She could hear the boy's voice now, drowning the shouts of Misato, the cries of the technicians, the thunder the Angel's attacks were causing; Shinji's voice prevailed, and Asuka found herself not hating him anymore. He had told her the truth.

Samshel struck again, and again, and in doing so whips and words fused, striking everywhere, lightning attacks that hit her mind, her body and her soul, all at once and none at all since they were all mixed up together, and the buildings were collapsing, and the technicians shouting, and Misato and Kensuke Aida hate screaming Shinji hate suffering studies ruin your life beams eva whips mama do your best die with me!

"ASUKA!"

Locked eyes!

Misato found herself paralyzed. Two blue orbs were looking straight at her trough the camera feed inside Unit 02. Yet they were human no more, such was the intensity and incredible raw look they had. They were the eyes of an animal, a raging beast full of fear and hatred, ready to roar and tear apart the feeble creature in front of them. But what was that creature? Was it the Angel? Was it NERV? Was it the beast itself? Madness shone trough them, the madness only fear and confusion can procure, a tint of a hatred deeper than anything Misato had ever seen before; such power and sadness in those eyes that Misato was left in awe at the greatness of human's true emotional depth. Misato could only utter a few words:

"I'm proud of you."

.

BUM

.

Had that been an apology? It had sounded like that to Misato.

.

BUM

.

She was proud? It had been long since someone had said that to Asuka. No. It was the first time. The first time someone congratulated her for trying, not achieving. The first time someone congratulated her for her own efforts, mindless of the outcome. The first time someone congratulated her for herself, not the EVA pilot, not the college graduate.

.

BUM

.

Misato kept looking at Asuka's eyes. She could see the faintest trait of a smile in her face, a smile so sad that almost made her cry in the middle of the Command Bridge. This was the purest moment she had ever had with Asuka, and now the young girl was about to die.

.

BUM

.

Asuka felt a crushing sorrow in her heart as realization struck her. This was the first time someone talked to her because of her, and the happiness that had brought became sadness at realizing that she was about to die, die for a cause not hers, and that she had been wrong for almost her entire life. More than ever, Asuka wished to live. But she didn't have the strength to fight anymore.

.

BUM

.

Samshel stood over Asuka. The Angel focused entirely on the fallen EVA, and its whips were raised in the air. An instant of silence, as Tokyo 3 stood still. One last heartbeat passed.

.

BUM

.

**CRASH!**

A huge purple blur tackled the unaware Angel, both behemoths falling to the ground with a thud so loud that many glasses were crushed by the sound wave. Unit 01 had entered the fight, the colossus birth from Lilith gaining the upper hand against the creature born from Adam, which had been entirely focused on the fallen Unit 02. The purple EVA grabbed the Fourth Angel's whips and pulled hard, heedless of the injuries the scorching heat of the whips was causing.

The Angel squealed in surprise, and retaliated with fury, pushing the EVA back, struggling with such might that it left every witness in awe; but the purple EVA fought with such courage that even the Angel's best efforts were wasted; the pilot let out a pained gasp, but the efforts remained relentless. Whips crackled and thundered, but the purple armoured fists prevailed, sending crushing blows and again grabbing the whips, now engaging the prog. knife, and the slicing weapon became the tool of doom for the Angel and of salvation for people, as the creature was impaled with it right in its core.

Sparks flew everywhere, so big that they almost resembled fireballs falling to the ground, burning everything in their path. One of them hit a car and simply burned it to ashes. Several others left small steaming craters on the streets. And the mere screech of the knife against the core was enough to crack glasses several blocks around. The two behemoths struggled, Samshel now weakened while Unit 01 still prevailed untamed, the purple EVA having the upper hand. A loud screak thundered and then the Angel laid still.

There was nothing but silence for some time.

"Blue Pattern has disappeared," Makoto said from his terminal.

"The Angel has gone silent," his companion Aoba echoed.

No one cheered. No one said anything. The fight had been horrendous, and the last part had left them shocked.

Fuyutsuki was torn between smiling and frowning. They had won the battle... barely. They wouldn't be so lucky next time. And he feared that this had been too much for the pilot of Unit 01. He had ordered the purple mecha deployed on his own after seeing Captain Katsuragi's petrified face. Normally, he would reprimand her for choking, maybe even demote her, but given the present circumstances, he wouldn't do anything. Things were bad as it was to go and add more wrecks to the list.

"What's the status of the pilots?" Misato asked with a low tone.

"Both of them alive, ma'am," Maya said.

"Is the pilot of Unit 01 well?" Misato asked again.

"Yes," an exhausted voice responded her through the comm. link with Unit 01 "I am well, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato raised her head and looked in the face of the pilot of Unit 01, Rei Ayanami. She knew Rei wasn't one to lie, but her face said everything about her current state, and it was certainly not well. The girl had piloted while still injured after all.

Central Dogma was dead silent.

"We survived," Ritsuko said, as shocked as everyone else in NERV "We survived."

Misato looked at Asuka's display on the screens. The redhead was hugging her knees with her head hung low and her eyes shut tight. There was no way to know since the LCL made it impossible to happen, but Misato was almost sure Asuka was crying again.

"Are you sure, Ritsuko?" Misato muttered "I don't think so anymore. Not all of us survived this time."

.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

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Two days later

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There were many possible endings to the Scenario. This was one that had not been considered.

Gendo Ikari was led – more accurately dragged – by two blacksuited agents along a bleak gunmetal grey corridor. He would have walked under his own power if given a choice, but being hobbled by leg irons and handcuffs connected to a waist chain slowed his gait to one considered too slow for the agents. With hands on his shoulders and arms, it was all Gendo could do to not fall on his face as he was pulled along.

It had been two weeks since the Third Child – even now he refused to call him his son – had refused him, had refused his orders and threats – and not entered the Evangelion. Not even the threat of death, of himself, of those he knew, of even the whole world, could compel the Child to fulfil his purpose in life, to pilot Unit 01.

To pilot the biomech monster that had consumed its previous pilot.

Yui…

But he had not failed. He would not fail, not so long as he drew breath, as long as his beloved Yui was trapped in that alien behemoth. As long as he could speak, to contort truth and lies, to use his cunning mind to manipulate, he would do as he had always done – bend lesser men to his will.

Just as the prisoner and guards reached the door at the end of the hallway, it slid open without prompting, the agents not hesitating as they pulled him across the threshold in the stygian darkness. They moved until Gendo was standing in the room's only source of illumination, a spot lit circle in the empty room. Abruptly bringing him to a halt, with two swift kicks behind his knees the guards forced Gendo into a kneeling position and held in place.

All that could be heard in the silent room was breathing – pained yet suppressed pants as Gendo tried to catch his breath. But that did not last as with a rising hum, holographic stone monoliths appeared in a circle around the three men; all inscribed with the word SEELE, SOUND ONLY, and a number, totaling 12 in all.

"Gendo Ikari, you have been charged by this Committee of the crimes of gross negligence, gross incompetence, misappropriation of funds and material and conspiracy to commit treason against humanity. What say you of these charges?"

Straightening his back at the sound of the echoing German accented voice, Gendo replied with his normal sneer in his voice. "I am as guilty as you all are of these accusations. I have done what was necessary to defend this planet from the invaders, while you second-guess me from the dark."

"So you deny that the Evangelions, upon which billions of dollars and trillions of yen were spent, were not ready when they were needed, even though you had intelligence as to when and where they would attack? That of the dozens of pilot candidates available in Japan, you chose to depend on only two, one that was severely injured and incapable of fighting, and another that was untrained and unwilling to fight? Both of which were under your direct command and control?"

"I used the Children given to me, as specified by your own Marduk report and by MAGI simulation to be the most controllable for the Scenario. The Third Child's insolence would have been dealt with and he would have done as required." This was stretching the truth quite a bit, since the Third would have not piloted Unit 01 without considerable physical and mental coercion. In fact, Gendo had just ordered the imprisonment of the Third when he himself had been taken into custody at gunpoint by Section 2.

Another voice spoke, this one with an English accent "You speak with a forked tongue even now Ikari, presuming that you can talk your way out of this disaster. Due to your failure to use the Evangelion against the Third Angel, the JSSDF used one of the nuclear weapons which they had denied to the world they had possessed. It took ten N2 weapon hits and one half megaton nuclear weapon to finally destroy the Angel. And when the explosion of the Angel's S2 Core combined synergistically with the nuclear detonation… it is a miracle that there is anything of Tokyo3 left, let alone Japan."

A Russian accented voice picked up where the other had left off. "Due to your actions and negligence, the Scenario leading to Instrumentality was almost completely compromised. It was only through the major efforts of this Committee that NERV was not taken over by the UN. As it were, compromises were made to prevent an incident of this magnitude from occurring again."

The first voice spoke again. "Ikari, you have been found guilty of all charges against you. Since all of these crimes occurred in wartime, the maximum penalty will be assessed."

Gendo could now see the writing on the wall, and this made him speak more freely than he normally would. "So you cowards are throwing me to the dogs so you can continue with your flawed plans to reach godhood? What now, are you turning me over to the UN?"

"No, the sentence will be carried out by other personnel." A figure walked through the hologram marked 'SEELE 01' coming to a stop in front of Gendo. The spotlight gleamed off the metallic visor covering a wrinkled face.

"Lorenz. I should have thought as much." Even on his knees, Gendo radiated contempt against the much older man.

"You are assuming again, Ikari. I am merely here to complete and verify the arrangements made so that the Scenario may continue." With a series of taps on the data pad in Kiel Lorenz's hand, a doorway opened and three figures walked through, stopping just after entering the circle of white light, facing the people already standing there.

"Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, Captain Misato Katsuragi, Acting Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki." Akagi and Fuyutsuki both had set expressions on their faces, while Katsuragi had confusion and curiosity on hers. "Commander Gendo Ikari has been found guilty of various severe crimes by UN and JSSDF tribunal. Forthwith, he is stripped of his rank and command, and the penalty for these crimes is to be carried out immediately. Acting Commander Fuyutsuki, your rank is now full Commander of NERV, under the command of this Committee and the Security Council of the UN."

The head of SEELE tapped at the pad again, another door opened and one figure walked through, only this time coming to a halt outside the circle of light.

Lorenz looked at the shadowed figure for a moment before speaking. "Upon completion of these proceedings, you agree to be a member of NERV and to carry out all orders to the best of your ability?" The figure nodded silently. "And you agree that the conditions you asked for are the only ones you are receiving at this time, unless we decide to contact you." The figure nodded again. "And you know what the penalty is breaking our agreement?" The figure nodded one last time.

"Very well." Lorenz looked away from the figure and into the darkness. "Sergeant, come forward with your men." Four men wearing black tactical uniforms and armor stepped into view and stopping just ahead of Lorenz, all armed with silenced submachine guns, all aimed at the shadowed figure. "Sergeant, give the young man your sidearm."

To his credit, the sergeant did not hesitate. Instead the man took his hand off the grip of his SMG and drew his USP pistol from the drop holster on his leg and offered it to the figure butt first. Once the figure took it, the sergeant backed away and resumed his ready stance aiming his weapon at the figure again, which had checked that the pistol had a full magazine and a round chambered. After confirming so, the figure lowered the pistol so it was alongside his leg, pointed at the floor.

"Pilot, you may now proceed." Lorenz took a step back so that he was on the edge of the light behind his armored guards but still in view of Gendo and the command staff of NERV.

The figure took two steps forward, revealing himself to be a very young man, wearing a simple white button up shirt over a black tee, slacks and dress shoes. Over all this was a black leather flight jacket, red NERV fig leaf insignias enclosed in a gold circle sewn to the top of the sleeves and gold pilot wings embroidered on a leather patch attached to the left breast. The space where the pilot's name would normally be inscribed on the patch was left blank.

But it was the face of the new Pilot that shocked Gendo Ikari and the command staff. At first they all thought they were mistaken, but once the young man started to speak, his identity was confirmed beyond all doubt.

Stepping up to the kneeling prisoner, Shinji Ikari spoke. "Gendo Rokubungi Ikari, you have been found guilty of various severe crimes against the people of Japan and humanity, the UN, and not least of which your own blood. The penalty for these crimes is death." Bending forward, Shinji whispered something into Gendo's ear for a moment. No one heard what that was; no one could even guess; everyone wondered about it. Keel frowned at the show of disrespect. Fuyutsuki's face showed a brief flash of shock as he saw Gendo go pale before he regained his composure.

The pistol came up from beside his leg and Shinji aimed it down between Gendo's now wide eyes. "I doubt that the gods will have mercy on your soul – I know I would not."

Gendo's mouth opened, but anything he started to say was drowned out by the loud crack of a gunshot. He was pitched backwards, landing on his side, before finally rolling over onto his back. A bullet hole destroyed the left lens of his tinted glasses, a matching wound in the eye behind it and through to the back of his head.

Shinji walked up to the still twitching body and after a moment fired two more shots into the other eye. A long moment later, the twitches stopped and with one last rattling breath the body ceased all movement.

Turning away from the body, Shinji offered the pistol back to the sergeant, but Lorenz spoke. "Keep it, Ikari. A memento of this occasion." Shinji looked at him for a moment, then nodded. He pushed back the edge of his flight jacket and tucked the pistol into his waistband behind his hip. Smoothing out his jacket, the weapon could not been seen.

Lorenz glanced over to the now pale command staff. "As you can see, Mister Ikari has agreed to join NERV and pilot Unit 01. He will be under your command and understands the consequences of failure. We will continue to monitor the situation, and act if we deem it necessary."

Looking at Katsuragi, who appeared to be somewhat green about the gills, Lorenz continued. "Captain, Mister Ikari will be under your direct command. You are responsible for his continued military and piloting training, as well as his housing and well-being. I believe there are vacant quarters in your section, perhaps you should go with him now to the housing office to make arrangements for him to be moved there." Misato nodded jerkily, and turned and walked out of the room, a still silent Shinji following behind her.

Once the two had left, Lorenz turned toward Akagi and Fuyutsuki. "The Scenario will continue. Failure will not be tolerated. Is that understood?" The two nodded. "You are dismissed."

Once the staffers left, Lorenz walked over to Gendo's body, looking down at the bloody mess made by the pistol's hollowpoint bullets before speaking aloud. "You thought yourself so very clever, Ikari. That hubris is what brought this about. We will see how much better we can do with your deputy and your son instead."

Turning toward the silent Section 2 agents still standing there, Lorenz said "Call for the cleaners, confirm his death with the UN and cremate the body, make sure nothing is left." With that, Lorenz turned as walked toward the hologram marked SEELE 01. Just as he passed through the light, his voice floated back "This session of the Committee is now adjourned." His monument faded out, followed by the others, leaving only the spot lit circle to illuminate the living and the dead left behind.

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Shinji Ikari walked out of the darkness, and looked around. He felt more mature now, more knowledgeable. He had a purpose. He had a goal, and he would meet it. There had been no escape from NERV and SEELE in the end. As such, that left him with only one course of action. He would destroy them. He had time. He had himself. He would do it. It would take time, and meticulous preparation, deceiving everyone into thinking him submitted, but he would avenge himself.

Light, the light of the world, so bright that it almost blinded him. Yet it was fitting: he was leaving the dark behind him. He had already crushed one of the responsible of his imprisonment, not that of being thrown in a cell, but rather the prison that his life had been, so full of lies, so filled with other's schemes. Now he was ready to take on the others. He wasn't done yet.

He had been able to do so much with just a few minutes of briefing on his arrival to the city, that and the bits of information he had been given while in his cell. Now that he was free there was nothing that could stop him to gather even more information. Information meant knowledge to many. To Shinji, it also meant leverage. And he had proven that he was a master at playing his cards right.

Every subtle sign, every look, every second of hesitation in someone's face gave him plenty of information, plenty of leverage. And now he could see everyone, not just the few that came to visit him while in prison. Shinji felt almost like a little child with an incredible new toy. Yet he also felt determination stir within him. Him getting out of the cell only put him in a greater prison, the one his own mother had devised for him. Now that he had killed his father, he had to destroy his mother and the madness that she had created and had ultimately destroyed her. He had been played with. He had been deceived. Him and many others. Now it was time to pay back. Now was the time for vengeance.

He was free. And no one would stop him.

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Rei watched him pass. She only caught a glimpse of him as he walked by, not noticing her lying on a bed in the hospital bed. Shinji Ikari, the Commander's son. The late Commander's son. Her eyes narrowed. That boy had done a lot of wrong already. Many things, many people had been left crushed in his wake. And he had killed the Commander; Rei knew. She had been briefed by Doctor Akagi. Shinji Ikari, the killer. Shinji Ikari, the one that refused to acknowledge that freedom was long lost to them. The one that refused to bend his principles.

He may be smart enough to fool others. But not her. She was sure he had been threatened with the death penalty if he didn't pilot. But people like Shinji Ikari weren't to be tamed; people like Shinji Ikari didn't work with others' rules. They were the kind of people that forever upset balance of things wherever they went. Rei Ayanami wasn't stupid: she knew he had accepted for his own reasons, and she would find out what those reasons were sooner or later.

After all, she would be working alongside him. There was time.

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Sitting on a small room, Shinji Ikari was alone. Yet his mind felt feverish with activity, as he wrote down his thoughts on a small notebook with a simple pen, the only sound heard in the place being his breathing and the rustle of the pen on the paper.

First entry:

I fear that I could be brainwashed. So far, I know about no procedure that can do that to a man, not without a prolonged lapse of time. In any case, I'll start this diary as a mean to keep me sharp, should NERV attempt anything with my mind. The questions and answers posted here will help me remember better. But I'll have to be careful: should someone find this I can consider myself as alive as my father. I'll write a dummy diary for Katsuragi to find; I'm sure she's been ordered to keep track of everything I do. She won't suspect about me having this second, more important journal about NERV and what I've gathered thus far.

Plenty of things have been nagging me since I was dragged here. Some of them I have said aloud, as to see if others have the answers I don't possess. They don't. I'll try to clear my thoughts and write them here to help me remember what's important.

If I was the Third, then where was the Second? If they knew that the Angels would strike here, then why didn't they prepare for them? If they need an Operations Director, then why don't they keep her informed? A strategist is supposed to know as much as possible about their own capability and the enemy's as well. And yet Katsuragi seems to know as little as I do. If they knew about my ability to pilot, why didn't they train me? That's the most important question of them all. And even my mother was a part of this. Even before her death. Why didn't they train me? Why didn't they tell me? Why didn't they even warn me?

The issue of the Second Child is interesting as well. I'm sure NERV noticed how big her ego is. That's the mark of a weak person. It happens everywhere, the louder someone talks, the lesser they find themselves. Normally I would amuse myself in cracking that huge ego and see the person behind it drown without its assistance. But now I am supposed to work with this girl, so I'll have to behave a little better. Yet my point stands: NERV knew about the Second's frail condition. Why didn't they help her? Shouldn't they look for strong pilots? That would be logical. And yet they didn't help her. She said plenty of things to me in her foolishness; none about friends, only about praise and respect. It is likely that she never had any friends. Why didn't NERV help her? This line of questioning is driving me insane.

And yet, easy questioning as this is, they can't answer me. Could they be lying to me? I don't think so, as not everyone has the capacity to lie efficiently enough to fool me. Fuyutsuki's slip was extremely useful; now I won't be deceived so easily. Yet I'll have to hide what I know: that's the key point to get even more information, as they'll be careless around me. I know I'm being watched. For how long is a question that won't leave my mind. Were my friends Hiro Yamato, Sagiri Toda and Ensei Numakata pawns of NERV as well? How long did the lie of my life last? Last year there was a psychologist in my class, passing as a substitute for one of my teachers. Was she a part of NERV and my father's schemes? And yet I shot my father. This has to go deeper than him.

Which matters here is that they lie. Why would they lie? It keeps me up at night, yet I cannot find a reason for it. Not yet. Why would they lie to the people that are supposedly saving the world? Do they plan to use the Evangelions against other humans? And what are the Angels? The fact that they lie to the people that is saving us all is what points that they must have something else going on. If not, why would they lie? Maybe even this so called 'Angels' are mankind's creation. I can't discard any possibility.

I will try to research about Misato Katsuragi's father. She said something about him when we first met, something about not getting along with him. That may be due to some simple mundane family conflicts, yet it could also be something else. Perhaps her father is a member of NERV as well. In any case, knowing about him will only give me leverage over his daughter, as it will become a new weapon for me to understand her.

Katsuragi said that she would have liked it if she was the one chosen to pilot. Why? Why would she want to become a puppet of NERV? Is it because some misplaced sense of duty and patriotism? If that's the case, then she is shallower than I thought. But there could be other reasons for her wishes. If I get to understand them, I will be able to manipulate her with ease. And if get to do that, I will have gained the power to influence one of NERV's most prominent members.

There is one thing that now comes to my mind. They have me now, but I am not as unique as I would need in order to have leverage. They have Soryu and Ayanami as well. And while it is true that Soryu is already starting to crack - it seems that I was right in the things I said - it is also true that she is still fit to pilot. In that case, NERV will use her if they don't have me. That makes me disposable, and they won't tell me the truth in that case.

The next obvious step is to erase the competition. I might have to take Soryu down. It shouldn't be a hard task: her self esteem is already crushed, and the beliefs that kept her going are cracking as well. She doubts what she does now, she doubts NERV. I can see it in her eyes and her body. And Ayanami remains an enigma to me, which is bad. What motivates her? Why does she do this? My ignorance on the matter is dangerous; she knows more of me than I know of her. I might have to erase her somehow.

That idea presents dangers, though. Should I take Ayanami and Soryu down, I'll be their only choice, binding me to this place even more. That's not good. But truth is, they were ready to shoot me in the head if I refused. That Keel Lorenz man was already pointing the gun at my head when I accepted. I don't think stronger binds will make much of a difference at this point. In a sense, that gives me more freedom to act. They took everything from me, and now I just don't have anything to loose. How ironic, and yet refreshing. I'm doing this for myself, following this mad crusade only for me. I don't owe anything to anyone, I have no regrets. Perfect for this situation.

This is what I've got so far. I'll try to look into these matters while the war goes on. More importantly, I'll try to answer my own questions. Maybe Commander Fuyutsuki could help in this. I'll see if I can get more things out of him in the near future. That or I'll have to use Katsuragi's ignorance to my favour.

Shinji Ikari, August 2015.

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Before I forget, I'll see if I can learn some German without Soryu noticing. That could help me get a better insight on what she says while she thinks no one can understand her. It'll take time, though. And any military training could be useful too. Somehow, I feel I'll be using it in the foreseeable future. Me, a military man. The thought itself is ridiculous. Damned my mother for dragging me into her mad schemes.

Yui wanted to build an entire world for you

Yui wanted to build an entire world for you

Yui wanted to build an entire world for you

Damn you. The world you created is far worse than the one that existed before. You have not seen the last of me. I'll destroy what you created even if it is the last thing I do.

Shinji Ikari, August 2015.

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**Author Notes 2:**

And finally the chapter ends. We venture into battle for the first time, and Shinji finally leaves his cell. Quite a lot for one chapter, I'd say. Again I apologize for taking so long to update. It's not my intention to keep you waiting; it's just that this fic can be quite hard to write. But I won't be making any excuses; I hope this update makes up to it: so far, Asuka's battle against Samshel is one of my favourite points of the story.

Now, onto the battle between Asuka and Samshel. I would very much like it if you told me what you think about it. It is the best I can come up with as of today. I wanted a fight that spoke about the incredible burden placed upon Asuka's shoulders, and how would she cope with it after her vision of the world was destroyed by Shinji. I tried to make it as violent as possible, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. The fight takes place in Asuka's mind as well, and that's why we constantly see her thoughts and doubts mixed with the Angel attacks. I also wanted to give it a sense of doom, as in fact the entire life on Earth is being decided there; trying to reflect that was really hard, and if you told me what you think on how I did it I would be very grateful.

Funny thing about that fight was that I had it in my mind for weeks before writing it. It was 3:00 AM when I finally decided to do it, and it took me almost three hours to finish it - go easy on me, I have night shifts some times and don't really sleep much at night -. It was hard, but not because of the writing. What made it so difficult was the how to put my feelings and thoughts into words. I really wanted to make it as tense as I felt it, a fight where the reader couldn't actually say 'I already know the Angel will die.' That was precisely what I wanted to avoid: some fics become predictable in that sense, as the reader ultimately knows the EVAs will win and everything will be alright. I tried my hardest to erase that here.

As for the Shinji agreeing to pilot part, I knew from the very first moment I decided to continue this story that Shinji would have to pilot sooner or later. The exact moment when he would agree wasn't clear to me: I thought about him leaving Tokyo 3 only to return much later after the death of Rei and Asuka, or him first piloting against the Jet Alone, or many other things. Shinji had to become a pilot in order for the arc to move on; I couldn't have him locked up forever. And we know that ultimately, if Shinji refuses there's no story at all. The other characters aren't as strong as him - and I'm talking about the anime here - and without him they will die. But don't worry: this Shinji is a complete, cunning bastard, and his compliance to pilot won't change that. In the end, Shinji will seek his freedom from what he hates most: his parents. That is the main plot of this story: how Shinji sees their faults and how he decides to take revenge on what they've done. I tried to reason the issue the way Shinji - this fic's version of him - would do it: he doesn't mind dying for himself and himself alone. But if he let Keel shoot him, he would die because of his mother's mad schemes. He would die in consequence of her actions and not his, and that's something he couldn't tolerate. Hence he agreed to keep his life and fight another day in revenge, which he will do for sure.

I see Ritsuko as quite an interesting character. She seems real petty to me, actually, and clearly disregards human life with little to no hesitation. She's never cared for anyone save herself; she lies constantly to Misato, doesn't care about Shinji when he's trapped inside the Dirac Sea, clearly hates Rei and, when she's finally over the edge, she makes sure to crush others as much as she can: she reveals Rei's origins, lashing out at her and taking Shinji down just for the sake of bothering Gendo. Quite petty if you ask me. Taking that into consideration, I portrayed her like an uncaring woman here, with little to none regards as to whether she should be doing the things she does, rather than if she could do them. A very deep, very powerful dilemma many scientists have shared for centuries - the Manhattan Project comes to mind here -.

Regarding Yui Ikari, Shinji's hatred of her is completely justified in my opinion. Lately I've been seeing some fics that depict her as a well intentioned woman who just didn't know what was going on and feels crushed at the monster her husband became after she 'died'. That's just ridiculous if you ask me: no one can be stupid enough to be involved in the EVA project to such extremes and not know what is going on. It's like creating a bomb and being surprised when someone detonates it. Yui went willingly into Unit 01 - that much we know for sure - and she knew SEELE personally. It's likely that she was the one to include Gendo in the plan and not vice versa. The fact that she went into Unit 01 tied Shinji to it forever: the disregard for human liberty and free will that displays is just disgusting: would you collaborate in a project - that will demand your sacrifice too - to bind your own three year old son to a monster and psychological trauma for life? That considering the possibility that he will survive, which is unlikely. The more I think about it, the less I can see her as morally grey. Even considering the idea that everything was just an incredibly complicated scheme to ruin SEELE's Instrumentality by making Shinji refuse it - which is far fetched because there were simpler ways of doing it - what she did cannot be considered correct. I've swam through Fanfiction looking for such a point of view, and only found a couple of fics saying something along these lines. It was then that I decided to write this one.

I included one reference to Metal Gear Solid in this chapter. Kudos to those of you who find it! If you like Metal Gear, be sure to check my other fic.

Allow me to thank you again for reading this fic. I deeply hope you enjoyed it. True, it's quite dark and angsty but some stories just need that from time to time. I'm open to any criticism and whatever you say and comment will be taken into account. Several of the things you've recommended in the reviews will be included, and some of your opinions were just outstanding. My deepest thanks to all of you for passing by and encouraging me to keep writing.

Devil Boss


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